Ex husband leaving DD with his girlfriend

[Deleted User]

Absolutely I totally get all yr points of view. That's why I said on my OP that I am keeping out of it but its how I feel. Of course I don't show my feelings to the kids, I've always tried to present daddy's gf in a positive way, despite how I feel.

Thank you for reminding me its whats best for them. I don't want to be bitter. But I never thought when I had my babies I'd hv to share them with another woman later down the line.

cheepskate_2

Your looking at it as something negative, your child is happy being with her, so it brings enrichment to his life.
Use the time that your child is away to pamper yourself or meet friends, then it becomes a positive for you, and is easier for you to deal with.

[Deleted User]

peachyprice wrote: »

Sorry, but I'd be far more worried about my son being taken to a lorry yard than being left with his father's girlfriend.

It's a serious breach of health add safety regs to have children in the yard.

I was involved in the aftermath of an incident in a yard where a child died, people who were not there on the day and had nothing to do with the accident very nearly went to prison and lost their jobs, marriages and homes, just because a dad took is son to work. Transport yards are not places for children.

Thanks for that point. My ex has done this birthday treat with DS for a couple of years now. I believe it occurs after hours when its just the owner my ex and ds. I will check its legal with my ex. He's usually very sensible when it comes to such things.

peachyprice

Deleted_User wrote: »

Thanks for that point. My ex has done this birthday treat with DS for a couple of years now. I believe it occurs after hours when its just the owner my ex and ds. I will check its legal with my ex. He's usually very sensible when it comes to such things.

Please do check, in the incident I was involved in, which was on a Saturday morning when no loading was taking place, the father did it because 'everybody did it' and it wasn't until something terrible happened that they realised it wasn't such a good idea.

BJV

Deleted_User wrote: »

Absolutely I totally get all yr points of view. That's why I said on my OP that I am keeping out of it but its how I feel. Of course I don't show my feelings to the kids, I've always tried to present daddy's gf in a positive way, despite how I feel.

Thank you for reminding me its whats best for them. I don't want to be bitter. But I never thought when I had my babies I'd hv to share them with another woman later down the line.

I think it is difficult when relationships break down. You would be a rubbish parent if you did not worry do it is normal and natural.


I would not be so hard on yourself and instead try and use the time to do something for you. Re-charge the batteries. The fact that you are even here posting the question means that you are a good parent who is concerned about making sure your children are well looked after.


Your children will always know who their mum is so I would not worry. My children have a fab time when they go to their Aunties or their grand parents amazing time in fact but they always love coming home as well.

Brighton_belle

I can only imagine how this feels bailey - I do feel so for any parent who didn't choose a split to then be forced to share their kids.
As someone else has said, you need to use this free time well, to have some fun yourself.
I hope you ex is also getting better at fun 1-1 time with your DD too, an not just DS, and last year's holiday situation hasn't been repeated. It was tough then for you not to get that much needed week off so maybe in a way, he has taken that on board and made sure if it's his time with the children, he doesn't 'offload' one of them back on to you rather than work at accommodating both their needs.
At least if they have bought a house together, his new partner has every side of being long term in your children's live rather than the upset of a how series of girlfriends coming and going.

Errata

Deleted_User wrote: »

Thanks for that point. My ex has done this birthday treat with DS for a couple of years now. I believe it occurs after hours when its just the owner my ex and ds. I will check its legal with my ex. He's usually very sensible when it comes to such things.

I'm struggling to understand how much of a treat it could be for your son to be driven around a lorry yard in his dad's car.

Carmina-Piranha_2

I know a few mums who get their kids given back to them on occasions where they don't fit in with the dad's plans, so at least he's being responsible for both kids, and not expecting you to have DD.

Guest101

Deleted_User wrote: »

Its DS's birthday soon and his father is going to take him to a friends lorry yard and he'll experience driving with his father around the yard. Its a one to one time for them to make it special. Its also going to happen on a Saturday which he has them on.


So all fine and a lovely treat planned. However a part of me feels he should return DD to me to look after rather than leave her with his girlfriend. I've never met her although the children seem to like her. XH and her bought a house together in August, so the children now go and stay with them for 24 hours at the weekend.


The rational part of me thinks why shouldn't DD stay with her, but the irrational part says, she is my DD and if XH can't look after her, then I should. They aren't married, so its not like she's a step mum etc.


I am going to keep out of it, but I wondered if I am right in my feelings or is it jealousy?

Ur feelings are fine, but what he does when he has custody of his and your kids is nothing to do with u. Unless there's a real concern for safety, u need to butt out.

Conversely i presume u don't have a bf/partner/whatever? And if u do, u never leave the kids with him? Or u wouldn't?

FBaby

Thank you for reminding me its whats best for them. I don't want to be bitter. But I never thought when I had my babies I'd hv to share them with another woman later down the line.

How long have they been together? I remember feeling just the same when my ex moved with her partner and it was hard to hear the kids talking about all the things she did for them. On one hand, I was sooooo relieved that she wasn't a wicked step-mum because that would have been much harder to deal with emotionally, but I remember feeling like crying at time that they could enjoy their time with them when as a single working mum, I already felt guilty and missed not spending more time with them. I felt like I was robbed of a day, and that it was bad enough to be robbed by their dad, but a totally stranger to me felt like salt on the injury.

As you said though, I never shared my feelings with the children, I gritted my teeth and told them how great it was....and then they started to talk less and less about her because she became more 'human' as they got to spend more time together, ie. not always so much fun, but part of their family.

A few months ago, I told them off because they hadn't got her a birthday card on time, and after I said it instinctively, I laugh at myself because it wouldn't have happened a few years back!