Ex husband leaving DD with his girlfriend

[Deleted User]

Its DS's birthday soon and his father is going to take him to a friends lorry yard and he'll experience driving with his father around the yard. Its a one to one time for them to make it special. Its also going to happen on a Saturday which he has them on.


So all fine and a lovely treat planned. However a part of me feels he should return DD to me to look after rather than leave her with his girlfriend. I've never met her although the children seem to like her. XH and her bought a house together in August, so the children now go and stay with them for 24 hours at the weekend.


The rational part of me thinks why shouldn't DD stay with her, but the irrational part says, she is my DD and if XH can't look after her, then I should. They aren't married, so its not like she's a step mum etc.


I am going to keep out of it, but I wondered if I am right in my feelings or is it jealousy?

Buzzybee90

I'd probably feel the exact same way but if they've bought a house together I'm guessing it's a pretty serious relationship?

bloolagoon

How would you feel if you had a partner you lived with? Would you never let them look after your children.

b_girl

Agree with bloolagoon, if it was the other way around - would you expect you could leave your DC with your partner whilst you went out? If so then I think it's only fair you allow the same for XH and his partner.

FBaby

I totally understand how you feel, but it is not right. It's not just about their time with mum and dad, it's about spending time in dad's world and mum's world. On Saturday, it's dad's world, and that includes his partner, so nothing wrong with that as long as DD and the new partner is happy with it, that they should spend time together.

I've been there and as a resident mum, it feels wrong, but from your children's perspective, it shouldn't do and it is about them not us.

fivetide

bloolagoon wrote: »

How would you feel if you had a partner you lived with? Would you never let them look after your children.

This all day. As long as they are happy and safe then no harm no foul I'm afraid.


Enjoy the weekend off and try not to worry (easier said than done I know)

fairy_lights

If the children regularly stay with them at weekends then there could be lots of occasions where your ex-husband and son pop out to the shops etc together leaving your daughter with the girlfriend.
I don't see what harm could possibly be caused by the girlfriend looking after her for a few hours, you say your kids like her and she presumably knows what she's doing well enough to look after them. If your Ex and this woman are serious enough to buy a house together then she is going to be a permanent fixture in your children's lives and you'll need to get used to the idea of them spending time together.

rpc

Unless there are welfare concerns, what XH does in "his" time is up to XH. Just like what you do in "your" time is up to you.

JustSmile_2

It seems quite an established relationship if they have brought a house together, I see no harm in your DD being left with his Gf.
When my parents divorced i spent time alone with my dads gf (now wife) and I enjoyed it as she really went out of the way to do things that my mum didnt have time to do with me, however, she was a single working mum raising 3 kids alone! (I didnt see that 25yrs ago!)

I would encourage your DD to "have fun with .......", my mother was jealous and bitter for years, it made it hard to admit i enjoyed spending time with dads gf.

As a parent myself I understand how you feel, maybe you may want to think about meeting your ex's new partner? pop your own mind at ease?

JS xx

fivetide

rpc wrote: »

Unless there are welfare concerns, what XH does in "his" time is up to XH. Just like what you do in "your" time is up to you.

This too. My ex had a go at me because I went to the football with my dad (night match) and left the wee one with his gran.


He had a great time with her, his aunt and his uncle and they enjoyed seeing him because we live a fair distance away.


Her approach was if I have him then he should be with me all the time and somehow, it isn't fair on her if (and I quote) "you have time off".


I am sure you can see how unreasonable that looks when it is read back like that so once again, I'd urge you to consider how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot OP.

peachyprice

Sorry, but I'd be far more worried about my son being taken to a lorry yard than being left with his father's girlfriend.

It's a serious breach of health add safety regs to have children in the yard.

I was involved in the aftermath of an incident in a yard where a child died, people who were not there on the day and had nothing to do with the accident very nearly went to prison and lost their jobs, marriages and homes, just because a dad took is son to work. Transport yards are not places for children.