Baby steps to mortgage freedom for beanielou.

beanielou

Dont think I can do this anymore TBH.
Going to get an estate agent out to value the house & then go from there.
Hey ho.

Petal88

What's up beanie? I'm sure whatever it is, it can be conquered!

maggiem

And I - like lots of us - hang on to your mantra and keep plodding. You've helped lots of folk here - please remember that xx

Butti

Beanie
!!!!!!
Was it the same person telling you each time?
Clearly this person doesn't like themselves much if they are going to have to drag other people down.
Physically you have issues that you do your best to overcome. You're no victim but they are clearly prone to twatish comments.

beanielou

Thanks Butti.

I just cant do this anymore.
I feel so crap & worthless I cant tell you.

Karmacat

Beanie, I'm so sorry you're feeling that bad right now Like Butti, I have the feeling that its the same person telling you this crap each time, yes? And it is crap - you work so hard at keeping going, with a very difficult physical situation. As Butti says, that person doesn't like themselves very much - and they're dumping it on you instead of taking responsibility for their own feelings.

The event last week that excluded you because of access must have been *really* disappointing, and that can't help either.

I wonder about selling your place - would that mean you didn't have the space for the person dishing out the crap to stay with you any more? Might be a really good thing. I don't know the attachments you've got to your house, of course, and there might be other good reasons to remain, but there's nothing wrong with getting a valuation - at the very least, it gives you an idea of where you are in the current market.

Be kind to yourself this evening, Beanie, have yourself something really nice as a late snack.

xxx

Upsidedown_Bear

beanielou - I don't know you in RL but I wish I did so I could do something for you.
Reading this makes me feel so sad you feel like you do and so cross at the person/people who are causing problems for you.
I'm sending thoughts and hugs your way and so is Smilie xx

in_need_of_direction

Beanie, if only you could see the value that your welcoming people to this site brings, you would recognise the worth that the rest of us see. You most definitely do not play the victim. If you did, you'd be lying down under your condition with your hand permanently outstretched. Instead, you live life to the utmost you physically can and I for one admire that so much. By all means, get the house valued. Not least because you'll see the asset you have worked for and are close to owning outright. Just promise there'll be no rash decisions. Take care.

Butti

beanielou wrote: »

Thanks Butti.

I just cant do this anymore.
I feel so crap & worthless I cant tell you.

That's the problem Beanie in a sentence.

I spent my childhood being told I was stupid and useless and clumsy over and over and over. I'd had measles at 6 months and I think that affected my dexterity. It is very difficult to ignore a message that is repeated. But you must. It made my clumsiness a self fulfilling prophecy (strangely it got much better at university!!)

The person telling me was separated by war from his father and left in the care of his mother between the ages of 4 and 10. She was very negative. I've come to the conclusion my protagonist has Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder with borderline and narcissistic tendencies. Look it up, it will help you see it as their problem not yours. I found a great site called Lighthouse.org.

You could get the house valued but equally you could just tell this person that you would like them to leave. Cut them out Beanie. ..they are toxic. If you can't do this then try and balance exposure to them with seeing nice people.

Finally if you would do something for me.

Can you put a list up. Inside your wardrobe if you need it to be private. Read it to yourself every day and try to really believe it. Mine goes:

I am okay
Therefore every one else is okay *
Don't be frightened, you are safe
Ask for what you need
Work out what you like


* I tend to be a bit judgemental! ( I wonder why!)

Yours could read;
I am Beanie
I am kind
I am witty
I am intelligent
Etc.

Can you do that for me please. You need some messages of your own to counter this crap.

Butti

The truth is Beanie, you are lovely and kind on here. BUT you are even nicer in real life.

Believe it - I am a crap liar!