Competitive Mums

fireyfirenze

my little girl is 4 months and I used to go to 2 baby groups a week, iv all but stopped going to one particular one now though because of that exact reason you're talking about! the woman is there every week without fail with her amazing twins who are reading books at 5 months old. ha. she's got one of those voices that preaches over everybody else and is constantly going on about her parenting techniques including how she never picked her twins up until they were 10 weeks old...

I used to just ignore her but I found myself going home wound up every week.

sorry no advice! just that you are not alone. x

pipkin71

busyladee wrote: »

How do you cope with competitive mums? I have a three month old boy and there is a mum who goes to one of our groups who is a nightmare. Each week she'll say that her little girl is doing this, that and the other, starting her first job next week and buying her first house (ok not quite but you get my drift)

She will then ask if my DS is doing x,y and z and you can feel an air of smugness when I say no (there is a month age difference)

If my DS is a little bit behind I don't want my face being rubbed in it. Have any of you experienced similar?

The best advice to give would be for you to ignore anything the woman says with regards her child being / doing better.

Honestly, you will find it when/if your child goes to school, or if they are home educated, in after-school activities, possibly from family members, etc.

It's one of those things and whilst you can't change how that person behaves you can change how you react. Don't let it get to you.Your baby will go at their own pace and should there be any concerns, you can discuss with health professionals, if there aren't just let the woman get on with it.You know your child and what they are ready for, better than anyone

pipkin71

Indie_Kid wrote: »

Part of me does wonder whether a) these mums are actually telling the truth and b) whether their children are behind in other milestones.

My eldest was walking by 9 months but had delayed speech,youngest didn't start walking until after one but was very forward with her speech.

It is entirely possible where a child is forward with one milestone, they are behind in another.

Of course, competitive mum might only mention where milestones have been surpassed

Carmina-Piranha_2

fireyfirenze wrote: »

my little girl is 4 months and I used to go to 2 baby groups a week, iv all but stopped going to one particular one now though because of that exact reason you're talking about! the woman is there every week without fail with her Barely Noticeable twins who are reading books at 5 months old. ha. she's got one of those voices that preaches over everybody else and is constantly going on about her parenting techniques including how she never picked her twins up until they were 10 weeks old...

I used to just ignore her but I found myself going home wound up every week.

sorry no advice! just that you are not alone. x

I don't mean to brag, haha, but my youngest had favourite books at 12 weeks old My oldest, on the other hand, had no interest in books until he was 3 years old. It wasn't an indication of intellect, my eldest is more academic than youngest.

I just thought I would mention that, because often when books are mentioned people seem surprised that some babies enjoy them so early. My boy was behind on most milestones, and while he still loves books he is not top of the class or anything like that. An early love of books was just something that happened, it wasn't due to any special parenting on my part

barbiedoll

A good one to spring on those mums who brag about how their children learned to talk early, is to just say...

"Apparently, Albert Einstein didn't speak until he was 4. It obviously never did him any harm"

I've just looked this up and it has been debunked by his biographers. But I bet the competitive mums won't know that!

My son is very short for his age. He always has been and always will be, he comes from a long line of shorties on both sides of his family. Our wedding photos look like a gathering of Munchkins, there's not much we can do about it.

One of the mums at our local playgroup always used to comment on it. She always called him by a disparaging nickname and never addressed him by his proper name. One day she said to me "God, is he ever going to grow?", to which I replied "Well, at least he's not fat" (unlike her and her 3 obese kids). She hasn't spoken a word to me since, and that was 13 years ago!

Jagraf

With a daughter at he grand old age of 15, I can now honestly say he bragging mums vanish. Until the kids are reasonably independent, there are always mums at sports days, clubs, gymnastics, choir, who love to boast. It's because they are insecure.

I found grandparents worse though.

jackyann

I am quite sad that some say they don't go to groups because of mums like this. It's a real shame, as these groups can be great sources of support and sharing experience & ideas.
If you want to go to the group (and I have made some of my greatest friends at mums' groups) then you do need to deal with it in one of the ways suggested (whatever seems to suit your personality and the way the group is)
It can also be sad because a mum like this isn't looking at what is really important, and the child may not grow up as happy as others. I am old enough to have seen this, and it is such a shame.

dandelionclock30

Just ignore boasters. I know a woman who could brag for Britain. When her children were young they were going to be actors and doctors, go to Oxford and Cambridge etc, etc.
She came down to earth with a hard bump after her husband walked out on her after 23 years and her kids now in their mid 20s have never worked.
Just do your own thing and dont bother with them.

tea_lover

Carmina-Piranha wrote: »

Sometimes they are telling the truth, and sometimes their babies really are forward in every way, but so what? I bet school teachers can't tell which children were the first to walk or crawl, or even to be potty trained. I bet there isn't even any correlation between early walking and what age they can ride a bike without stabilisers.

Exactly. Not quite the same but my sister didn't learn to read until she was 7 (I'm 4yrs younger and we learnt at the same time). She's now got a Masters and is head of dept in a swanky grammar school.

I couldn't speak for ages, had to have speech therapy for years (which I hated)... no shutting me up now.