Competitive Mums

busyladee

How do you cope with competitive mums? I have a three month old boy and there is a mum who goes to one of our groups who is a nightmare. Each week she'll say that her little girl is doing this, that and the other, starting her first job next week and buying her first house (ok not quite but you get my drift)

She will then ask if my DS is doing x,y and z and you can feel an air of smugness when I say no (there is a month age difference)

If my DS is a little bit behind I don't want my face being rubbed in it. Have any of you experienced similar?

Okydoky25

Ignore her. Unfriendly her. Avoid her. You are always going to meet Mums like this. Your Son is not slow all children develope at different ages!

Don't spoil this time with your son worrying about what other people may or may not think x

j.e.j.

I had an aunt like this, always feeling some need to belittle others in order to make herself feel good. I think it's down to insecurity.

pollypenny

There's always people like that. Our next door neighbour used to be the biggest boaster. However, since she's eventually realised that the rest of us, in a cul de sac, all better qualified than her, our grown up children ditto, she's shut up and barely talks to anyone now.

I've ended up feeling sorry for her.

Mojisola

busyladee wrote: »

How do you cope with competitive mums? I have a three month old boy and there is a mum who goes to one of our groups who is a nightmare. Each week she'll say that her little girl is doing this, that and the other, starting her first job next week and buying her first house (ok not quite but you get my drift)

She will then ask if my DS is doing x,y and z and you can feel an air of smugness when I say no (there is a month age difference)

I'd make a joke out of it - think of the Monty Python Four Yorkshiremen sketch - use outrageous examples like you give in your post "She's only sitting up - my lad finished his first novel this week!" She'll soon stop asking you how he's doing.

jackyann

I am amused by the above responses, but I would have never had the social courage to do that!
She is undoubtedly insecure. If you have a great reserve of kindness & patience you can say something like "it's always a worry, hoping they are developing normally" which may inspire a conversation. Or you could say "at this age, a month is a huge gap isn't it?"
Or, just smile and walk away, or turn your back.
New mums can be very fragile. If someone is running your group, you could have a quiet word. If it's just an informal get-together then I think, protect yourself in the best way you can. Whatever you do, don't get sucked in.

Your last paragraph is very sensible, but it did make me wonder if you did feel worried - and if so, talk to your Health Visitor.

z.n

Don't take any notice- they all develop at different ages, have different attributes/skills/interests/habits. It is just so easy to get sucked into it but you have 18 or more years ahead- better to decide now not to 'compete.' The only time little milestones become relevant is if your child is seriously behind and needs expert medical intervention/assessment. Mine are 14 and 16 now. One other child at baby group sat up, spoke, walked etc months before DS. I remember feeling concerned and thinking the other child must be so much cleverer than DS...even a bit special....destined to be a rocket scientist....not the case.

It is human nature to compare- resist! I'm with Mojisola- but perhaps with a bit of allowance that this other Mum is herself feeling anxious and out of her depth. Or maybe she had a very competitive job and is applying similar rules to childcare (she's in for a few shocks and sympathy is the best attitude.)

Mojisola

z.n wrote: »

I'm with Mojisola- but perhaps with a bit of allowance that this other Mum is herself feeling anxious and out of her depth. Or maybe she had a very competitive job and is applying similar rules to childcare (she's in for a few shocks and sympathy is the best attitude.)

This is true - you have to judge how to handle things depending on the person in front of you. If she's an overbearing personality who always has better/more expensive/more exciting holiday/cars/etc, try humour.

If she seems a bit anxious about things, I'd go with jackyann's suggestions.

CathA

I had twins, one walked at 1 year 1 week, the other at 16 months, though they were both the same birth weight and obviously had the same up bringing. My eldest daughter walked at 7 months, so there's a variety even in the same family, so I wouldn't worry too much about what other people's children are doing. Best to ignore the other mum, there's always someone who's kiddies are better than everyone else's. Just say something like 'That's nice/well done etc.' Don't stress over it. Btw, twins are now 23 and still doing things different to each other!!

whitewing

Say to her: wait until you have your second child - you'll soon see how even those from the same family environment differ in their rate of development.

Kaye1

I don't give a crap how their child is doing! However, my stock phrase is, 'oh, she's just plodding along,' and then change the subject. All children are so different- as mentioned by other posters.


My eldest literally didn't speak a word until she was 2. My toddler is already using full sentences and asking questions. They are what they are I say. Ignore her.