Competitive Mums

moomoomama27

I used to say I'm not competing in the Mummy olympics that normally shocked them enough into shutting up!

I was always grateful for my childrens good health and hapiness to care whether they had sat up first, potty trained first or anything else! Now they are all older, it;s plain to see none of that really matters at all!

gunsandbanjos

Luella-14 wrote: »

It's because of this that I stopped going to baby groups.
I was just pleased that I'd managed to get the babies out of the house by 9am, I didn't really feel up to comparing their sleeping patterns and ability to roll around. Tbh, those conversations really bore me, I'd much rather have had non-baby related chats.

:beer:absolutely, I never did baby groups like that, can't bear sitting round just talking about babies. I would just meet up with regular friends and chat about normal stuff.

cazziebo

I can remember boasting about DD1s school report which said "X is a pleasure to teach". A teacher friend told me that was shorthand for "Can't quite think which one she is" :rotfl:

Lily-Rose_3

Urgh I remember these days! Mine is almost 20 now, but whenever I was at a mummies group, there was always SOMEone who had to try and compete.

My daughter walked at 16 months, and a woman I knew at the time (who lived half a mile from me,) had a daughter who was born the day before mine, and she was 'walking' at 9 months. (Well, her granny used to prop her up and make her walk. She would keep falling, but she kept forcing her.) The girl's legs have not been right since. They were bandy as hell when she was little, and even now - at 19, they are not 100% right.

Kiddies will come on when they're good and ready, and mums who try and put you down, because of your baby being 'behind' theirs, are insecure, and need to spout nonsense like the mums you know have been doing, to make themselves feel good.

I knew one mum when our daughters were in year 9, who constantly boasted about EVERYTHING. Her reaction when my daughter got put onto the gifted and talented register was priceless! :rotfl:

She was FUMING! She stopped speaking to me, and avoided me like the plague, she put nasty snide little messages on facebook, about how 'kids on the gifted and talented register are no better than anyone else,' and then unfriended me a few days later.

Gutted. :rotfl:

meritaten

There seems to be a mum like this in EVERY clinic, baby and toddler group, nursery, primary school..........................just don't let her get to you.
I used to worry and compare kids on my first - by my third I had my answer down pat. 'Ah, your Chardonnay is SOOOOOO forward isn't she? I pity you when she is a teenager and running rings around you'.

Carmina-Piranha_2

I think there's been a competitive mum in almost every group I've been to, and my youngest was a sociable creature so we went to a lot of groups. In most groups I eventually found mums who were there to have a chat rather than compete with each other.

There was one group that was small and a bit too posh for me, but the location suited me and my boy liked their selection of scooters so I carried on going, even though the vicar's wife was the only person I actually liked. That group was the worst for competitiveness and my boy didn't even smile on time let alone anything else. One mum was my friend before our kids were born, but she suddenly turned into 'competitive mum' and had no other topic of conversation other than how advanced her kid was compared to mine, and not in a 'friendly advice about checking with the health visitor' kind of way.

My boy is okay, and if he wasn't, then why mention it? It's just mean. If I needed advice about my child's development I'd ask a professional, not somebody whose child just randomly happened to crawl before mine did. (I did ask a professional, as it happens).

Indie_Kid

Part of me does wonder whether a) these mums are actually telling the truth and b) whether their children are behind in other milestones.

Carmina-Piranha_2

Indie_Kid wrote: »

Part of me does wonder whether a) these mums are actually telling the truth and b) whether their children are behind in other milestones.

Sometimes they are telling the truth, and sometimes their babies really are forward in every way, but so what? I bet school teachers can't tell which children were the first to walk or crawl, or even to be potty trained. I bet there isn't even any correlation between early walking and what age they can ride a bike without stabilisers.

With my friend's baby I did notice that there were some things that my baby did or was interested in, that hers wasn't. They're all different, and while one is desperate to hold a conversation, another might have no interest in chatting and just wants to climb, etc.

The problem with being a competitive mum is how can the child cope if they disappoint you? Poor kids.

meritaten

Carmina-Piranha wrote: »

Sometimes they are telling the truth, and sometimes their babies really are forward in every way, but so what? I bet school teachers can't tell which children were the first to walk or crawl, or even to be potty trained. I bet there isn't even any correlation between early walking and what age they can ride a bike without stabilisers.

With my friend's baby I did notice that there were some things that my baby did or was interested in, that hers wasn't. They're all different, and while one is desperate to hold a conversation, another might have no interest in chatting and just wants to climb, etc.

The problem with being a competitive mum is how can the child cope if they disappoint you? Poor kids.

I know my mum was one of those 'competitive' mums. during my own childhood I was often embarrassed by her 'bragging'. then when my brother was born - you would think he was the re - incarnation of Einstein! and when my sister was born when I was twelve.............she eclipsed both of us and our sister was the most beautiful, intelligent child in the world. she still is, forty odd years later. and me and bro are a 'disappointment' to her. we know this because she has told us so. Me? well I long ago realised I would never live up to her expectations and come to terms with it - Bro is just beginning to realise that mum is a 'Narcissist'. Sis is 'Golden Child' and now in her forties and suffering the pressure of being 'perfect daughter'.
the trouble with 'competitive mums' is that they believe that their children are their 'proof' of being perfect mothers. their children are a reflection of their childrearing 'skill'.
look deeper into these mums lives and you will realise that they wish to be seen as 'perfect'. their children MUST reflect this. a child that doesn't is 'rejected'.

Spendless

Lily-Rose wrote: »

My daughter walked at 16 months, and a woman I knew at the time (who lived half a mile from me,) had a daughter who was born the day before mine, and she was 'walking' at 9 months. (Well, her granny used to prop her up and make her walk. She would keep falling, but she kept forcing her.) The girl's legs have not been right since. They were bandy as hell when she was little, and even now - at 19, they are not 100% right.

A toxic and now ex friend accused me of something similar as my son walked at 9 months (as did I), she said it was because I made him land on my knees with his feet to the ground when I bounced him.

When he was 9 years old we discovered he was flat footed, not because I'd bounced him but because my husband also is, we'd been married 10 years at this point together 12 and husband had never mentioned it! There's even a thread on here by me complaining about how many shoes son was getting thru and me updating with the conclusion when a friend saw son barefooted and suggested it, so no wonder he could land flatly on his feet from an early age.

Personally I do not envy anyone an early walker, people expect too much of them because they are walking and it certainly wasn't fun to tell the emergency services operator that my under 1 had wandered to the phone when my back was turned and managed to ring 999!