Pregnancy problem

HPoirot

Just announce it the way you had planned; I would not make any special effort to tell her before everyone else. Mainly to avoid any meltdown she may have on hearing your news. I agree that it's her call whether she chooses to be pleased or devastated at your news.

barbiedoll

I probably shouldn't say this but some women are just the biggest divas when they are pregnant.

In the majority of cases, pregnancy is a wonderful thing and a cause for celebration. But there's no getting away from the fact that some women absolutely revel in the attention and would have a major tantrum if anyone stole the limelight from them.

In reality, no-one cares about anyone else's pregnancy, apart from family and friends. The world at large doesn't care and most people aren't really that impressed by the fact that someone managed to copulate and fall pregnant, it's a biological process, not reinventing the wheel. Your SIL sounds like one of those women who will simply love being pregnant and she will expect everyone else to share her joy, good luck to her, if that's what floats her boat. By your own admission OP, you and your family don't want to be in the "limelight" so tell your family when you're ready and just ignore any more silly comments from her.

This IVF sounds a bit weird anyway, she says the pregnancy is "natural" but your MIL says its an IVF pregnancy? She sounds like a bit of a drama queen and to say that she'd be "devastated" by your pregnancy is simply childish. Devastated by sharing the attention sounds more like it!

gettingtheresometime

lulu_92 wrote: »

This is what would annoy me. The trials and tribulations of IVF aside, SIL should not have said that to your OH - it is a bit selfish and presumptuous when she is unaware that you were trying in the first place.

It might be down to her relief and excitement now she is finally pregnant but if I was OP it would still upset me.

I can understand what she is saying in a way - you don't go for IVF at a drop of a hat and as others have said she will have undergone treatments which are, to be quite frank,the most unromantic way of conceiving known to woman ....in fact I recommended to one couple who conceived this way that they went away for the most romantic weekend they could think of if only to try and blot the process out of their mind!

Becoming pregnant she wanted her 'moment' in the spotlight that's all.

bagpussbear

MrsSippi wrote: »

I do understand (as much as I am able) what has been said about the IVF and while I appreciate it hasn't been straightforward I just feel a bit upset that already she has said she would be "devastated" (her words) if we were pregnant. It seems quite a harsh statement to make. Maybe I am wrong but she doesn't even know yet and she hasn't reacted well to even the thought of it, never mind the reality.

I do think those words are harsh actually and I can understand you being a bit upset.

Is your SIL naturally competitive?

Stick to your guns, announce at the 12 week mark as you'd planned and don't worry. She can decide how she reacts to your news, there's nothing much you can do if it's a negative reaction, but hopefully she will realise the pro's of having someone close go through all the milestones of pregnancy with her

moomoomama27

Your SIL is acting a brat! It doesn't matter if someone takes forever to get pregnant, has to use fertility meds or methods or falls pg first try. The outcomes are the same, and to say you'd be devestated if someone was pregnant at the same time as you because you'd had treatment, not only shows a lack of maturity, but makes a person seem unhinged!!

I would be more understanding if you were pg and she wasn't for there to be strong emotions, but I still think the word devestated, whether used flippantly or not is just plain mean.

She sounds like my SIL, competitive about anything and everything, so jealous and bitter and insecure in her own life that any time anything good happens to someone else she has to scowl and be cruel, funnily enough when something bad happens to someone else, you can almost feel the glee from her!

These sorts of people, are not worth bothering with Keep at arms length and enjoy your special time!

meritaten

MrsSippi wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies. Just to reiterate, we are not planning to say anything till we reach 12 weeks (in 2 weeks time) and that would have been the case regardless of what has happened. I am just cautious by nature and as excited as we are I couldn't bear to tell everyone early in case something did go wrong (that's just me though, I think it is a personal choice for everyone). By the time we tell everyone they will have known about her pregnancy for 4 weeks.

I do understand (as much as I am able) what has been said about the IVF and while I appreciate it hasn't been straightforward I just feel a bit upset that already she has said she would be "devastated" (her words) if we were pregnant. It seems quite a harsh statement to make. Maybe I am wrong but she doesn't even know yet and she hasn't reacted well to even the thought of it, never mind the reality.

I cant help feeling you have taken her statement the wrong way? she has tried and tried and tried and the way I understand it is, that every other persons natural pregnancy is like a 'slap in the face' to these women. as you are 'family' its somehow worse - because if you had got pregnant before her then she cannot avoid you. and your pregnancy would be really rubbing her nose in it. It is really painful to desperately want a baby and the whole female population seems to get pregnant at the drop of a trouser except you! BUT, she is finally pregnant and of course over the moon about it, and enjoying being the centre of attention for the right reason!
Let her have her 'time in the sun', don't take the remark personally and enjoy her pregnancy too. the two of you can sit and talk pregnancy and babies for hours! compare notes etc. and that is one member of the family who wont think 'jeez - do they think nobody ever got pregnant before'?
oh - and congratulations!

MrsSippi

Thank you for all the replies, good and not so good. I am still not very happy with what she said, regardless of whether she meant it or not but equally I am going to just forget about it and hope it was just a flippant comment, and probably not given much thought. I still maintain that there is no issue with me worrying that my thunder has been stolen. While I take on board comments made about the ivf, eI think each pregnancy is just as important and special to the mum/parents to be regardless of how baby is conceived. Equally, yes it may be her first and our second but it is the first time our lo will get to be a sibling which is a wonderful thing and this baby is just as special and wanted as hers is.

The next couple of weeks will give her time to enjoy all the attention without us having said anything about our news so by the time we do she will have had that time completely to herself.

TeamLowe

I bet there's a good chance when you announce there's a good chance your sil will think 'argh! I wish I hadn't said that, I didn't think they were anywhere near trying again so I said it not thinking, it was an exaggeration anyway and now she thinks I'm awful'

OP I spent 2 years trying for my baby and every month I'd think of reasons why this next month would recommend the perfect month to conceive. I definitely had 'being only one pregnant' on my list to comfort me when it hadn't worked again. I think your sil's choice of words were poor but I do think if she had any idea you were close to trying again it wouldn't have been said.

If you're worried, when you do tell her say something like 'isnt this great? Our babies will be close in age, I would have loved to have someone so close to me have a child the same age as my daughter to do things with and tall about sleepless nights!' x

MadDogWoman_2

Hi

I'm a mum to a miracle baby post IVF. IVF is the final treatment after the failure of lots of others, last chance saloon IYKWIM.

It took 7 years for me to get to that point, during which time my friend had 3 children, a singleton and twins naturally. Jealous can't even describe how I felt, it definitely changed our relationship.

Our families couldn't have been happier when they received the news that I was pg (naturally after a failed IVF). My niece a few weeks later was in your position having to tell me she was pg, as she didn't want to steal my limelight.

I was delighted for her as she'd been wondering herself if she would have problems. She has a little girl exactly 3 weeks after me. It's great that they have each other as their is no one else in either family near their age.

Gigglepig

I can understand where the SIL is coming from and would try to be supportive. You already have a baby while she has been struggling with IVF - it seems very understandable to me that it might well be upsetting for her to see you have yet another one before she fell pregnant. A baby is what she most wants in the whole world, and seeing someone else's baby happiness in the close family would have been a constant reminder of what she could not have. It does not mean she begrudges you a baby, just that it would be hard for her to see. If I were in her position I think I might also have found very hard to have to see someone else's pregnancy and baby up close too. (Though after reading your post I probably would not have been as honest with you as your SIL was about her feelings! ) Childlessness is a big big sorrow for many people and it must be devastating to be constantly reminded about it.