Pregnancy problem

millysg1

I think what she said is rude - She cant expect no one else she knows not to get pregnant while she is just because she would have to share the limelight.

BUT I would give her the benefit of the doubt and assume it was a passing and exaggerated comment.

I definitely wouldn't let it fester on my mind - there is nothing you can do about being pregnant and she cant expect you to not get pregnant over the next 9 months just because she is.

Carry on as planned, giver her the next couple of weeks, wait for your scan and then tell people.

She wont be as devastated in finding out if she wasn't already pregnant and hopefully after a couple of weeks, if she does struggle with your announcement, she will come to terms with it as her own pregnancy will give her enough to concentrate and celebrate about.

Please don't let her comment get to you.

MrsSippi

tea_lover wrote: »

How on earth do you know that she wasn't aware she had problems?? I very much doubt she's shared her entire gynae history with you. I've known since I was 19 that I would have problems conceiving (and was single at the time).

You do sound really dismissive of the trauma of infertility. There are studies showing it to be as difficult as going through a cancer diagnosis and treatment, people can develop PTSD from it. It's really nowhere near as simple as "well she's pg now so she should be happy for me".

That wasn't quite what I said "well she's pg now so she should be happy for me", nor do I expect that, I just don't expect someone to be "devastated" that I am pg, even if she already is. Maybe I have taken that wrong, but that still feels quite hurtful. I can only go by what she told me and she said that she only found out about a year ago she couldn't conceive naturally. Maybe that wasn't actually the case but I have no reason to disbelieve what she said.

MrsSippi

Thank you for all the replies (good and not so good). At the end of the day I cannot change the fact that I am pregnant, but of course that doesn't mean that an extra level of sensitivity needs to be adopted when it comes to telling her. I didn't fall pregnant just to spite her. Maybe I am just hormonal so what she said has got to me more than it would normally, I don't know. At the end of the day, I am happy for her that she finally is pregnant and I hope that she has a happy healthy pregnancy and while I may have to keep our announcement a bit more low key than I would have done otherwise, I don't begrudge her happiness in anyway - why would I? I have got one gorgeous little girl and (fingers crossed) will have a lovely baby soon. Also my dh and I tend to avoid being the centre of attention so if sil wants to adopt that role, that is fine by me.

Despite what impressions I may have given (unintentionally) I don't expect everyone to be negative about her, of course I don't. I am just trying to think how best to tell someone I am pregnant when that person has already been quite negative about the very idea of it. Of course, she may be a lot more positive than she has said but it is not something I am going to look forward to.

onlyroz

I could understand her upset if you were pregnant and she'd had a failed IVF treatment. However, I can't get my head round her being "devastated" about you both being pregnant at the same time. Yes, she might feel a bit put out about having her limelight stolen but those sorts of feelings should be kept to herself and quashed as quickly as possible.

It would probably be best, however, to tell your sister first when the 12 week time comes round, and to try and be understanding if she doesn't act utterly thrilled.

FBaby

I expect what she meant is that it is such an incredible outcome for her proudly feels close to a miracle she wishes she can get all the attention going through it. The words are a bit drastic but they were not meant for you let alone for you knowing you are pregnant too. Hopefully after the initial disappointment that it won't be all about her she will start seeing the fun of being able to share the experience with you. Not worth making a big deal about it at this stage.

emmaj30

Hi
I think you should stick to your plan and tell everyone on the twelve week mark .. I think everyones fertility is their own business and your two pregnancies shouldn't be crossed as you are completely two separate people.

I am on the fertility path to have ivf over the next couple of months after unfortunately losing a baby in june. If my sister in law said she was pregnant tomorrow I would have no problems with that and I would be completely happy for her as it would be another addition to the family.. Both pregnanices are happy occasions and should be celebrated together

Pollycat

MrsSippi wrote: »

When I said that I mean that she didn't know 3.5 years ago that she couldn't conceive naturally so how could she be "torn apart" by it? If you were single, and as far as you knew had no fertility problems, you would not be "torn apart" when someone else falls pregnant.

Yes, I've re-read the posts and it wasn't your comment about 'being torn apart' so I do apologise for that.

However, I do think that you are possibly trivialising your SIL's issues - and I also think deep down that she's stolen a little of your thunder.

Without some care and a little stepping on eggshells I can see this escalating into somewhat of a bigger issue than it really ought to be.

marisco_2

First of all huge congratulations to yourself and your husband. My advice is to announce your pregnancy to family and friends when you feel ready to. Such wonderful news does not take anything away from your sil. If she takes exception to you being pregnant that is her issue to deal with, and should not be something that you concern yourself over.

arbroath_lass

MrsSippi wrote: »

she has said to my husband that she is "glad it happened to her before us (even though we hadn't told anyone we were trying) and she would have been devastated if I had been pregnant when she is as it is her time".

I think you need to realise this remark is nothing to do with you. This is all about her and her feelings. Delighted as we are when someone else is pregnant few people with infertility problems don't think, "why not me?". It does NOT mean she would wish any ill on you or your unborn child, just that it is difficult to not be jealous of someone who appears to have what you want (and especially may have a wee moan about things).

Sometimes remarks just slip out the wrong way. Give her a break, I'm sure she'll be delighted when you announce your pregnancy.

Very best wishes to you all xx.

peachyprice

MrsSippi wrote: »

I just feel a bit upset that already she has said she would be "devastated" (her words) if we were pregnant. It seems quite a harsh statement to make.

She can be as devastated as she likes, it's not going to change anything, it's down to her whether she has a hissy fit or is pleased for you.

Just carry on as you planned, she's going to have to like it or lump it.