At my wits end

pmlindyloo

roobee13 wrote: »

Hi OP,

Sorry to hear things are so bad.

I too was stuck with a 'man child' and like other posters it wasn't til I was shot of him I realised how deeply unhappy I had been.

Please start repeating the following stock answer for when he starts asking / moaning that things haven't been done: 'It's not my house'. As you said above if that's the reason he's staying then there's really no need for you to clean and tidy 'his' house. Please keep remembering this and good on you for making a stand.

Although this might work or help in the short term, it sounds like you may need to have a really good think about what you want long term. Pmlindyloo has posted some great links should you choose to separate etc.

Good luck OP x

I would be careful of this one

The OP could have a beneficial interest in the property so I wouldn't condone his believing it is his house!

TBagpuss

MacyD, as you made direct contributions to the house it is likely that you have a claim against (via Constructive or REsulting trusts)

His behaviour, belittling and seeking to control you is typical of an abusive relationship.

He will not change unless he genuinely accepts his bahviour is not appropriate and that he wants to change.

Your depression is likely making it far harder for you to make any changes in your life as depression is exhausting.

One thing you might find helpful if you consider what wouls be the worst case scanario.

Imagine you left him and found somewhere to rent in your own right. Worst case scenario is that you don;t have a share in the house. Is that worse than the position you are in now?

What happens to your wages now? Do you use them for food for the whole family? pay towards bills? give him some for those things?

Do you have any savings?

Check out whether you would be entitled to any benefits or tax credits if you were to split from him. You would be entitled to child support assuming your children were to live with you.

Consider finding out whether there are any support services for victims of domestic abuse in your area. Often these include support groups, (either physical or online_ most ;police forces will have domestic abuse / domestic violence liaison officers who are likely to have links to such services - your GP may also be able to help.

Consider seeing 'RELATE' - you can see them as a single person, and should also ask your partner to go with you so that you can discuss, with a neutral third party, this issues in your relationship and whether, and how , they can be addressed.

In the mean time, start getting your kids to help out.

Unless they are very young, (certainly for any teenager) it is perfectly reasonable to expect them to do things such as:
- putting all dirty clothes in a laundry basket
- helping you to sort into coloured / lights etc
- making their own packed lunch for school and and washing up any box
- laying and clearing the table for meals
washing up after meals (or loading and unloading the dishwasher)
- changing their own bedclothes

For younger children it is reasonable for them to be doing all of those things with some help and encouragement

[Deleted User]

barba wrote: »

He's not going to change after 22 years and you need to accept some responsibility for "letting him get away with it for so long"

Do you enjoy making cutting remarks when people are asking for help?