Foster Review - Appeal

ilikewatch

Alikay wrote: »

Perhaps SS don't consider the emotional attachment between you and your partner as strong enough to withstand the stress of fostering since you're both heterosexual women. I must admit I find it a little odd too - though I can easily comprehend two straight women living together as friends, and also two lesbians who don't have sex with each other, though may be very emotionally connected. What is it that makes you classify your relationship as "partners" rather than "best friends"?

Exactly my thoughts - I could understand 2 asexual or heterosexual friends living together in a platonic partnership, or 2 women being in a homosexual relationship with no physical element. What confuses me is 2 heterosexual people living together as partners in the "husband and wife" sense of the word.

fairy_lights

Although you both say you don't want a man in your life, in social services eyes there is still the possibility that one of you could meet a bloke, and decide to leave/move him in with you.
Of course if you were a lesbian or heterosexual couple there would still be the chance that one of you could leave, but it is easier to view a couple with a romantic or sexual connection as committed than a couple who are for all intents and purposes, just friends.

sams247

We are two women who decided we would rather live our lives together than apart. We are more than friends, we have friends and we are closer than that, we have a dedicated love between us that is based on a deep understanding, shared memories and empathy for one another. We are partners as we share everything but our bodies. Just because we dont need men doesnt mean we are hate filled !!!!!es out to get them, we raised a great guy, a mna to be proud of, we have many male friends and relatives, all good guys. Following a rape its not always so much fun considering sex with a guy, and we chose not to go down that route. All of which has nothing at all to do with the kind of parents we would be, whihc is just darned great.

sams247

Money_maker wrote: »

This might be a source of concern too, a child needs to be raised with a balanced view.

Did your childminding business ever take off?

Yes, but I needed to earn more when my partner had financial issues, so I went back to an office

*max*

I can also understand the confusion. The relationship is a highly unusual one and difficult to wrap your hear around really. In essence, the OP and her partner can be considered to be "best friends" for the purpose of fostering rather than "life partners", in that they are not in an homosexual relationship but are cohabiting. They are both heterosexual, yet consider themselves to be a couple despite being of the same sex. I am sure they would be perfectly capable of offering a stable home to a foster child, but the council will have strict guidelines and this could cause a precedent that would be extremely difficult to navigate (ie: where do they draw the line? Should flatmates/friends living together of 20, 10, 5, 1 years be able to foster?). Very complicated situation!

sams247

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

Why not just tell them that you're sleeping together or do you have to make a big issue out of everything?

Yes, we have to make a huge drama out of everything, absolutely everything, all times, in all ways, every day, in every way. Big Issue. Big Issue

sams247

If we had lied and said we were just mates they would have passed us. Go figure! Honesty is not the way it would seem

cherrycake

ilikewatch wrote: »

I would imagine that a relationship like that would confuse most broad-minded adults, never mind children who would be likely to have an unstable and chaotic history already. I note in particular that you and your partner are both heterosexual rather than asexual - this suggests that there is a likelihood that one or both of you are likely to form further future relationships with the opposite sex, thus causing further confusion for any children involved.

I quite agree. In my last job I worked as a Form F assessor for potential foster carers. You really do need to have the child's best interests in mind and your current set up does not appear to lend itself to the needs of a child in the care system. Sorry not to be more positive but this is something that needs careful thought.

sams247

cherrycake wrote: »

I quite agree. In my last job I worked as a Form F assessor for potential foster carers. You really do need to have the child's best interests in mind and your current set up does not appear to lend itself to the needs of a child in the care system. Sorry not to be more positive but this is something that needs careful thought.

I would greatly love to have an explanation, could you tell me why? How can a long term relationship, more stable than my marriage was, be not in a childs interest? Im not being awkward but I truly dont understand.

tea_lover

cherrycake wrote: »

I quite agree. In my last job I worked as a Form F assessor for potential foster carers. You really do need to have the child's best interests in mind and your current set up does not appear to lend itself to the needs of a child in the care system. Sorry not to be more positive but this is something that needs careful thought.

Why? Genuine question. The OP and her partner have been in a committed and loving relationship for many years and can offer a stable home to children, why does that not "lend itself to the needs of a child in the care system".