Foster Review - Appeal

sams247

My partner and I are being assessed to be foster carers, and we have caused an issue. We are both female and share a life but not a bedroom (both hetero), we live as partners in every way bar the sex and have done so for several years. SS say they cannot catagorise us, in that we arent gay and yet live as if we are (?) so they have refused our application as they say this relationship would confuse a child. I have appealed on the grounds of discrimination and have a review coming up. Any suggestions, ideas to help? Somone suggested we should ask for an independent third body to be in the room but would that help or hinder our case?

freshstart11

to be honest, I can understand why they have refused it on basis of it being confusing.

that said I do hope that someone can come along and offer you more assistance x

tea_lover

Children are far less confused than adults give them credit for. What small person gives a monkeys about their parents sex life (or lack of) anyway?

I hope the appeal goes well.

LEJC

Are they able to elaborate as to why the situation would confuse a child?....that way you have some basis to work on to convince otherwise.


or is it just a case that they cant tick a box to clarify your "relationship" status...which seems incredibly harsh IMO

ilikewatch

sams247 wrote: »

My partner and I are being assessed to be foster carers, and we have caused an issue. We are both female and share a life but not a bedroom (both hetero), we live as partners in every way bar the sex and have done so for several years. SS say they cannot catagorise us, in that we arent gay and yet live as if we are (?) so they have refused our application as they say this relationship would confuse a child. I have appealed on the grounds of discrimination and have a review coming up. Any suggestions, ideas to help? Somone suggested we should ask for an independent third body to be in the room but would that help or hinder our case?

I would imagine that a relationship like that would confuse most broad-minded adults, never mind children who would be likely to have an unstable and chaotic history already. I note in particular that you and your partner are both heterosexual rather than asexual - this suggests that there is a likelihood that one or both of you are likely to form further future relationships with the opposite sex, thus causing further confusion for any children involved.

LEJC

ilikewatch wrote: »

I would imagine that a relationship like that would confuse most broad-minded adults, never mind children who would be likely to have an unstable and chaotic history already.

i disagree with this...in our houshold when were growing up my parents slept in seperate rooms for a large part of their married life...sometimes because of shift patterns and sometimes because one of them snored...they were however a devoted couple who loved their children and maintained I belive a very happy marriage for over 40 years...none of us grew up confused by the situation.

tea_lover

ilikewatch wrote: »

I would imagine that a relationship like that would confuse most broad-minded adults,

Why? I'm not at all interested in the sex lives of my friends and family. I've got no idea whether they're all at it like rabbits or have never slept in the same room. Naff all to do with anyone else.

ilikewatch

LEJC wrote: »

i disagree with this...in our houshold when were growing up my parents slept in seperate rooms for a large part of their married life...sometimes because of shift patterns and sometimes because one of them snored...they were however a devoted couple who loved their children and maintained I belive a very happy marriage for over 40 years...none of us grew up confused by the situation.

But the situation you describe is nothing like a child (probably) being removed from their parents/guardian and sent to live with two people of the same sex, who are both attracted to the opposite sex, but have made decision to live together as if they were married!

ilikewatch

[QUOTE=tea lov
er;66757327]Why? I'm not at all interested in the sex lives of my friends and family. I've got no idea whether they're all at it like rabbits or have never slept in the same room. Naff all to do with anyone else.[/QUOTE]

It's nothing to do with the fact that they sleep in separate rooms, the confusing part is that they are heterosexual, yet choose to live in a pseudo homosexual relationship - thus creating confusion if/when they form simultaneous heterosexual relationships.

WestonDave

Change gender here and tell the story.


Bloke lives with his mate in separate rooms, neither in established sexual relationships - they want a flow of fostered kids under their custody. Put like that it looks like the next Rochdale looming and no social worker would touch it with a barge pole - and on that basis if they allowed two women to do it, it would be discrimination. It may well be entirely innocent but the risk factors are too high, and they will look daft at approving something so unusual if they had to explain it at a later enquiry.


Its not discrimination in a protected form so you'll be unlikely to succeed - they aren't saying no because of your sexual orientation, (or disability or gender or age) but because you don't have a relationship in any normal sense. You aren't living as partners but as a flat share which isn't the basis for a child's upbringing. It looks too unstable and on that basis I suspect they aren't willing to take the risk.

Georgiegirl256

To be honest, I too can see why they have refused you. If adults are confused by your relationship status, then imagine how a child would feel/view it.

I do wish you luck in your appeal though.