Grandmother losing EVERYTHING!

Steve_xx

Mojisola wrote: »

A fair bit of jumping to conclusions on your part as well.

I don't know the others' stories but I was my parents' main carer for many years. After Mum died, Dad got increasingly frail and needed someone around all the time. I only 'visited' my home for a short time each day because I was sleeping at his house and spending most of the day with him.

After a medical emergency which kept him in hospital for several months, the hospital refused to discharge him unless he was going into residential care because he needed 24/7 care and for at least two carers to be on hand.

Both my parents were very hard-working people but they were in low paid jobs so hadn't been able to save much. They were lucky to benefit from the increase in house prices so there was capital available from the house sale to fund Dad's care.

He didn't go into an expensive home. There wasn't enough money to be sure of funding years at £1000 a week and when the family looked round a few of them, we knew he wouldn't have been comfortable in them anyway. We found a not-for-profit home that was a bit tatty round the edges but with a lovely family atmosphere and good carers. Dad felt at home straight away and his last years were very happy ones.

He'd always been a very sociable man and, looking at him in the home with people around all the time and the banter going on, I realised that the residential home was a much better place for him than his own home had been. He was much happier there than he had been at home in the months leading up to the hospital stay.

People always assume that a person's home is the best place to be and, for some, it is. For others, it certainly isn't.

I'm not assuming anything at all regarding where an individuals best place to live is. I'm pointing out that it seems pretty usual for people to want to offload their elderly parents, whereas they wouldn't do the same thing with their offspring.

Steve_xx

Mojisola wrote: »

You're either deliberately stirring things or are being totally unimaginative - the staff at care home aren't on duty alone 24/7 unlike many family carers.

I'm not stirring it at all. But I might be saying some things that some here might find unpalatable. I don't apologise for that. It's an open forum and I'm free to express my views as much as anybody else does. You're not bound to agree with me, nor am I with you.

BJV

Perhaps it is just me but I work hard, save when I can and I try to do the best I can. I do not think it is unfair to want to leave something to my children.


Yes if I need care and fingers crossed I will not but if I do I do think that it is unfair that my children will be forced to sell all of my assets.


Where as if I do not save, do not buy my own home, do not try to provide for anyone the NHS will pay regardless. Not all NHS care homes are horrible.


Forgive me but I read it that the OP was just trying to see if there was a way to protect his father's ( money that his grandparents had the foresight to save and invest ) inheritance. ( money that they paid tax's on, contributed their whole lifetime into society.)


I know that lots of people sign houses over to children when they are healthy and then pay a nominal rent so that should this ever happen they are not forced to sell everything.


Not saying for a milli second that this will mean any less care it instead just gives more choices.


Looking after the older more mature community is a honour and a privilege and one that we should all remember will come to us one day.


My parents thankfully are both happy and healthy but should that ever change I would spend whatever I could to ensure their well being.


Equally my heart goes out to those who's parents are not. I really hope to never find out just how difficult or soul destroying it is to see someone you love slowly ebb away.

Onawingandaprayer

The thought of relying on either of my 'children' or my wife to 'tidy me up after an accident' is a total anathema to me and I would have thought to most people. God forbid it ever happens. Got my stock of sleeping tablets and a large bottle of Johnnie Walker Black Label handy.

le_loup

Steve, you just don't/won't understand. So be it; one day you may.

Mojisola

Steve_xx wrote: »

Yet these caring and loving people have deemed it normal to have someone else care for their parents and they do not feel that they themselves ought to do it. Would these same individuals palm their own children off to a care home, I kinda think not?

Steve_xx wrote: »

I'm not assuming anything at all regarding where an individuals best place to live is. I'm pointing out that it seems pretty usual for people to want to offload their elderly parents, whereas they wouldn't do the same thing with their offspring.

Caring for children and caring for elderly family members are not the same thing - I wonder whether you've had experience of doing either.

Many people whose parents go into residential care have been caring for them prior to that - in many cases as well as looking after their children at the same time and going to work!

Steve_xx

le_loup wrote: »

Steve, you just don't/won't understand. So be it; one day you may.

I might understand better than you credit me for. I might be looking after my own parent. But here I am referring to OP's question.

Steve_xx

Mojisola wrote: »

Caring for children and caring for elderly family members are not the same thing - I wonder whether you've had experience of doing either.

Many people whose parents go into residential care have been caring for them prior to that - in many cases as well as looking after their children at the same time and going to work!

I don't think I said that it was the same thing. I pointed out that while people will readily banish their parents to a care home while they wouldn't contemplate doing the same for their kids.

DTDfanBoy

Steve_xx wrote: »

I'm not stirring it at all. But I might be saying some things that some here might find unpalatable. I don't apologise for that. It's an open forum and I'm free to express my views as much as anybody else does. You're not bound to agree with me, nor am I with you.

You're free to express your views, but your views seem to be somewhat detached from reality

In many instances a care home is a much more suitable environment for everyone concerned.

To attempt to imply that people placing elderly relations into the proper care are simply palming them off is ridiculous to say the least.

And there's also plenty of parents out there that do make the difficult decision to place their children into care, and in many instances that is not what the parents want to do but they make the decision as it is the best for the child concerned.

Steve_xx

DTDfanBoy wrote: »

You're free to express your views, but your views seem to be somewhat detached from reality

In many instances a care home is a much more suitable environment for everyone concerned.

To attempt to imply that people placing elderly relations into the proper care are simply palming them off is ridiculous to say the least.

And there's also plenty of parents out there that do make the difficult decision to place their children into care.

That of course is your view and you're entitled to it. In some parts I agree with you and in other parts I disagree.