Grandmother losing EVERYTHING!

DTDfanBoy

Steve_xx wrote: »

I might understand better than you credit me for. I might be looking after my own parent. But here I am referring to OP's question.

Well I just hope that your parent doesn't deteriorate to the point where being under your care, while being well intentioned, is not the best place for them to be

It would take a huge family, with more than a bit of medical training, to offer the same level of round the clock care that is available in most care homes.

Steve_xx

DTDfanBoy wrote: »

Well I just hope that your parent doesn't deteriorate to the point where being under your care, while being well intentioned, is not the best place for them to be

It would take a huge family, with more than a bit of medical training, to offer the same level of round the clock care that is available in most care homes.

It isn't a one size fits all situation. Different people require differing levels of care at different times of their life. I accept that.

lisyloo

If the family had wished to protect the lady's home, they should have planned accordingly.

They have absolutely no right whatsoever to protect something that isn't theirs.
It strikes me that there is something slightly wrong (or maybe more than slightly) in trying to plan your inheritance before someone is dead.
The primary use for this money while someone is alive is for the person themselves.

They can of course make suggestions.
Some elderly people are not responsive to suggestions for various reasons, whether that's genuine dimensia, obstinacy or some other reason.

The priority should be planning for long term care not the inheritance planning.

Errata

Mojisola wrote: »

You're either deliberately stirring things or are being totally unimaginative - the staff at care home aren't on duty alone 24/7 unlike many family carers.

I think he was having a go at me. I have no idea why.

Mojisola

Steve_xx wrote: »

I don't think I said that it was the same thing. I pointed out that while people will readily banish their parents to a care home while they wouldn't contemplate doing the same for their kids.

Using emotive words like "banish" doesn't help the discussion.

As DTDfanBoy said - if a child needs the same kind of care that many older people need, then the same decision about residential care could be made.

margaretclare

lisyloo wrote: »

They have absolutely no right whatsoever to protect something that isn't theirs.
It strikes me that there is something slightly wrong (or maybe more than slightly) in trying to plan your inheritance before someone is dead.
The primary use for this money while someone is alive is for the person themselves.

They can of course make suggestions.
Some elderly people are not responsive to suggestions for various reasons, whether that's genuine dementia, obstinacy or some other reason.

The priority should be planning for long term care not the inheritance planning.

Oh how I agree with the bolded part above.

Some while ago - it was when DH and I were contemplating doing equity release to pay off an existing mortgage - we were given the advice that we should inform family members 'in case it affected inheritance'. Our conveyancing solicitor had a tick-box check-list and this was one of the points to be considered.

The general consensus from everybody was 'it's your money, do what you like with it'.

I am saving separately for another generation in conjunction with their Daddy and that will be their 'inheritance'. Quite outside the assets that DH and I intend to use for ourselves.

Bantex_2

Mojisola wrote: »

Using emotive words like "banish" doesn't help the discussion.

As DTDfanBoy said - if a child needs the same kind of care that many older people need, then the same decision about residential care could be made.

Don't think many babies have a house to sell and cannot see social services sending someone round to change their nappy.

ManofLeisure_2

lisyloo wrote: »

It strikes me that there is something slightly wrong (or maybe more than slightly) in trying to plan your inheritance before someone is dead.

You are entitled to your opinion of course, but how I disagree . I have four children whom I wish to benefit from the money which I have made. That is my choice and I have planned accordingly. Perhaps the lady in question was not as 'informed' and subsequently did not set her affairs in order. That does not mean that she doesn't wish her children to inherit and it certainly doesn't mean that her family are battling for every penny they can get.

patanne

What would you do Steve if the hospital will only let your parent out if it is to go into a care home.

My mother would probably be dead by now if we had cared for her at home. She started to cough every time she had a drink, just a little cough barely noticable. The care home staff realised very quickly what was wrong and took action & got the help in to confirm their belief. She now has to have her drinks thickened and her food liquidised. She could have choked to death at home. Sometimes a care home is the only safe place.

She wasn't dumped there and has 2 visitors almost every day and ALWAYS has one even Xmas day.

Steve_xx

patanne wrote: »

What would you do Steve if the hospital will only let your parent out if it is to go into a care home.

My mother would probably be dead by now if we had cared for her at home. She started to cough every time she had a drink, just a little cough barely noticable. The care home staff realised very quickly what was wrong and took action & got the help in to confirm their belief. She now has to have her drinks thickened and her food liquidised. She could have choked to death at home. Sometimes a care home is the only safe place.

She wasn't dumped there and has 2 visitors almost every day and ALWAYS has one even Xmas day.

I said earlier, it isn't a 'one size fits all' situation. I also said earlier that I accept that different people need different levels of care at different stages of their life. I did not say that care homes were unsafe places and I did not say that care homes were unsuitable places. Therefore you have read something into something that I did not say in the first place.