Nightmare Neighbour - What to do :(

ruggedtoast

He makes sandwiches so is a nightmare neighbour?

It sounds like someone has a nightmare neighbour but I'm not sure it's the op.

hollydays

ruggedtoast wrote: »

He makes sandwiches so is a nightmare neighbour?

It sounds like someone has a nightmare neighbour but I'm not sure it's the op.

No, it's say it's you.

rach_k

I would check with the lady next door that she's not being bullied but honestly, he could be doing far worse. Making food in the kitchen is not a crime, even if he's clumsy, and if he's only talking (however loudly) rather than shouting, again there is nothing really 'wrong' with that. Eating and talking are normal things to do in a kitchen; it's just unfortunate that your bedroom is right next to it.

I would second the suggestion to see if you can move your bedroom (perhaps switch with the living room?) and get some ear plugs. Keep checking that the lady is okay and report anything that isn't normal household noise e.g. very loud music but I don't think you can do much about normal noise, whatever the hour. Honestly, I'd be pretty annoyed if my neighbour tried to stop me baking late at night (our kitchens aren't joined so it's not an issue in reality).

Pixie5740

I've been in your situation with noisy neighbours, loud music and blaring television at all hours. It really does grind you down and becomes more and more difficult to sleep which in turn just makes everything worse because you're exhausted.

Making a sandwich in the wee small hours doesn't sound that bad though. Is there really poor soundproofing between the properties? There is between my current neighbour and I so I can hear everything, especially the domestics, thankfully my bedroom is on the other side of the flat though so I can't hear them when I'm trying to sleep.

Does the grandmother rent her property? If so then you could contact her LL about the noise. That might be opening up a can of worms though.

Is it possible to switch the rooms in your flat around so that your bedroom isn't next to the kitchen? Failing that get some earplugs. Occasionally that chap upstairs has folk round and it used to wake me up, now he gives me a heads up and I put my earplugs in before going to sleep.

hollydays

rach_k wrote: »

I would check with the lady next door that she's not being bullied but honestly, he could be doing far worse. Making food in the kitchen is not a crime, even if he's clumsy, and if he's only talking (however loudly) rather than shouting, again there is nothing really 'wrong' with that. Eating and talking are normal things to do in a kitchen; it's just unfortunate that your bedroom is right next to it.

I would second the suggestion to see if you can move your bedroom (perhaps switch with the living room?) and get some ear plugs. Keep checking that the lady is okay and report anything that isn't normal household noise e.g. very loud music but I don't think you can do much about normal noise, whatever the hour. Honestly, I'd be pretty annoyed if my neighbour tried to stop me baking late at night (our kitchens aren't joined so it's not an issue in reality).

The issue is the time of day. He's got a drink problem at the very least so he's not aware of his actionss fully

Davesnave

Is there any way you could change your sleeping arrangements so that the direct through the wall noise can't happen?

People who snore loudly/people living with people who snore loudly do this, the world still turns and no one ends up grumpy due to lack of sleep. It isn't ideal, but you say you like the flat & landlord, so a temporary solution like this might help you retain your sanity.

Of course, there will be some bright spark along in a minute saying "Why should she do that?" but the answer is clear: longer term you should explore issues others have raised, particularly the question of whether the lad's granny is being abused. His Dad might not have acted up to now, but he might not be fully aware of the situation.

Unfortunately looking into the above goes beyond what we can detail here and needs a sensitive approach, but befriending the granny would probably be a good start. Be aware that if you complain to the council, they will just write to her in the first instance, increasing the stress level but not getting to the root cause of the problem, which sounds like a selfish, and manipulative person.

moneyistooshorttomention

hollydays wrote: »

It may be the grandson is bullying grandma and getting money from her.
If your concerned about her I'd try to befriend her - she may open up and tell you she's scared ofhim.
You may need to leave.

http://www.elderabuse.org.uk
Post edited

That's the one:T, ie the elderabuse organisation. I thought there was some sort of organisation for this and they must be it. Well worth consulting them I would think.

Speaking loudly and whistling loudly and not being careful to avoid dropping things on the floor aren't unreasonable per se, but they are in the middle of the night. If you're in adjoining accommodation (as this awful visitor and his Gran are) then you have to learn to "live quietly" and take others into account. I learnt that one many years back myself and made sure I did "live quietly", but there were others who didn't - but nothing like as bad as this man sounds. He's clearly not giving a tuppenny damn.

Re the staring through the front door window - one solution would be to put up a curtain rail across it and have a doorcurtain blocking sight through the front door. My own front door is one of those mainly glass upvc ones - so I've done that myself because of the amount of visibility through the door to someone outside. My door curtain was only a cheapie one and I think it was about £12.

Mojisola

Ambiguous_Scribbles wrote: »

By the end of the conversation the old lady was almost in tears and admitting that the boy has a drinking problem.

Turns out that the previous tenant had the same problem but as he was a tall, strapping policeman, the boy listened when he went to the door. My landlady didn't know how bad things were until I told her, then she rang the previous tenant, who explained that he'd had the same issue.

He was shouting very loudly at his Granny after I asked him to be quiet and I feel like if I try to do anything about this that his Granny will end up paying for it. I'm really worried about her.

She's told me before that she gets no sleep because she has to stay awake until he goes to bed after an incident where he nearly set the flat on fire. That scares me too, with my bedroom being next to the kitchen, what if he does that again?

After I heard him shouting at his Granny I realised I had to do something as he's just going to keep punishing her if I try asking him to be quiet. He also stares through my front door window, kicks over the cat's drinking water, leaves the door handle in odd positions, kicks lumps out of the side of the wall.

Granny is enabling his behaviour. While she continues to do that, there is very little that you will be able to do.

I've tried to be a really good neighbour by staying quiet, not having parties, keeping tidy and being friendly to her. But I can't keep doing this. The landlady has said she would let me move out before the lease is up and give me my deposit no questions asked. But I don't want to move.

Your LL has given you an easy solution. Do you want to continue to live like this or move? Your choice.

ali-t

Sounds like the flats don't have much sound proofing as you shouldn't be able to hear someone making a sandwich. If everything is fine apart from twice a fortnight and you like the flat could you swap the rooms around so the room furthest away from the adjoining wall is your bedroom.


Earplugs or moving to a detached property in the middle of nowhere are your 2 main solutions.


It is just what happens when you live in flats. My first flat was in a student block and although I was probably one of the noisy ones at the weekends with parties it did get a bit wearing every September when new people moved in as 1st year students first time away from home and casued mayhem. One exuberant youth didn't think there was a problem with playing basketball indoors in the middle of the night!


It does sound like your lack of tolerance, probably as a result of your anxiety means you are not particularly suited to living in a flat.

moneyistooshorttomention

No doubt at all Gran is "enabling his behaviour". She needs to put her foot down with him - but it sounds like she is far too scared of him to do so. Her nerves must be in shreds if he's the sort of person who thinks nothing of carelessly starting a fire in her home and then she proceeds to still let him visit her.

I just wouldn't agree that OP would be the one who needs to change her behaviour and its down to how to get his behaviour changed one way or another.