Nightmare Neighbour - What to do :(

Ambiguous_Scribbles

Hello. Long time lurker, first time poster here. I thought you guys might be able to give good advice about how to deal with a situation that I've got going on at the moment.

I'm 33, female, living in Scotland. Live on my own. Have anxiety problems and insomnia - trying to learn to live with both.

So, I moved into a lovely private let at the end of May. The landlord is wonderful, the flat is beautiful, and I've been ever so happy apart from some ridiculous disturbances at night.

The flat next door is owned by a lovely lady who I used to get on really well with. When I moved in, my landlady said that the neighbour's grandson might stay from time to time. The old lady said if he was ever bothering me that I was just to knock on the wall.

The boy has been an absolute nightmare. At least twice a fortnight I get woken up in the early hours of the Friday morning and then again in the early hours of the Sunday morning. The grandson is in his early 20s, doesn't work, and stays with his Granny because his parents seem to have washed their hands of him although he stays with his Mum for a week every now and then.

Next door's kitchen is right next to my bedroom. The boy comes in at stupid hours of the morning, thumps about the kitchen, speaks really loudly and this morning at 3.45am was whistling loudly. I've always banged on the wall and asked him to keep the noise down because that's what his Granny told me to do. He doesn't seem capable of making a late night snack without dropping heavy things on the floor and slamming cupboard doors.

It's never once worked, and I'm pretty sure it's made him worse, as evidenced by this morning's behaviour. I don't really mind if it's the weekend, if it's just once over the weekend, but he keeps doing it on weeknights which is absolutely ruining me for work the next day. I get so upset and anxious that I can't get back to sleep and I go into work like a zombie the next day. Generally the next night I am too stressed about the noise happening again to sleep. Then the noise happens again at the weekend.

I got my landlord to go and speak to his Granny because she just made a joke about me not sleeping when I spoke to her, but that didn't help. The landlord was very clear in her requests that there was no noise on weeknights and that it should only be every so often at the weekend. I don't understand how hard it can be for someone to keep their voice down, not slam doors and cupboards, and not whistle loudly at 3.45am. The landlord said we'd take further action if things didn't improve.

The old lady said that the boy's father wasn't aware of the issue, and that she would try to help the boy get a flat on the dole, but nothing has changed. He got offered a house in a nearby town but didn't take it because "he doesn't know anyone" and "he's not got enough money to get the bus to see his friends". I feel that maybe if he got a job that none of this would be an issue. When the landlord asked that the boy stop doing this on a Thursday, she was told "but that's his night for going out"... with no consideration to the fact that it's causing me problems at work because I'm too tired to function. By the end of the conversation the old lady was almost in tears and admitting that the boy has a drinking problem.

Turns out that the previous tenant had the same problem but as he was a tall, strapping policeman, the boy listened when he went to the door. My landlady didn't know how bad things were until I told her, then she rang the previous tenant, who explained that he'd had the same issue.

I just don't know what to do. I'm sitting typing this incoherent rambling after having got about 2 hours sleep. He's still banging about in there periodically and ignoring my requests to be quiet.

Do I call the non-emergency Police line? Do I go to the council?

He was shouting very loudly at his Granny after I asked him to be quiet and I feel like if I try to do anything about this that his Granny will end up paying for it. I'm really worried about her. She's told me before that she gets no sleep because she has to stay awake until he goes to bed after an incident where he nearly set the flat on fire. That scares me too, with my bedroom being next to the kitchen, what if he does that again?

I've tried to be a really good neighbour by staying quiet, not having parties, keeping tidy and being friendly to her. But I can't keep doing this. The landlady has said she would let me move out before the lease is up and give me my deposit no questions asked. But I don't want to move. I feel that the situation could be resolved if the drunk idiot would just be a bit more considerate. Up to now I felt hopeful that it might stop but it hasn't. Stupidly I didn't start a diary until tonight, but his habits are fairly regular and I've got my diary near the bed so I remember to log all the disturbances moving forward.

After I heard him shouting at his Granny I realised I had to do something as he's just going to keep punishing her if I try asking him to be quiet. He also stares through my front door window, kicks over the cat's drinking water, leaves the door handle in odd positions, kicks lumps out of the side of the wall. I can't stand this. My anxiety is going bonkers and the lack of sleep is making work incredibly difficult because I can't function. I have a job which requires a sharp mind and I feel like a blunt knife. I have really bad allergies which are made worse by lack of sleep, so I'm having to deal with the itching, wheezing, snotty horrible symptoms. I get migraines from the stress of it.

Anyway. I really am just rambling now. I'm exhausted and I just don't know what to do. I'm aware that there are lots of trolls on this board so if you're one, feel free to wind me up, it'll be very easy to do but I'm past caring. I just needed to get this off my chest and see if anyone can tell me whether I should be going to the police about this or going to the council. I'm too tired and upset to think rationally any more.

N9eav

Morning.


If it's just a case of noise which you feel is excessive then you need to speak to your local council environmental health dept. They will advise you on keeping records and gathering evidence. If there is enough evidence then they can issue orders to the neighbour.


The Police no longer deal with noise problems, but can deal with anti-social behaviour. However a trip to your local Police Station (if the government have not shut it due to cuts) to speak with the neighbourhood officer, may also be helpful. They may not be able to do much, but the lad could be on their books and they may like to know where he is living. Also if you feel he is abusing his Grandma, that could also be looked at under Vulnerable adults risk by the Police.


So certainly try those routes, but don't be surprised if no one seems eager to rush in and help.

Running_Horse

I'm not convinced anyone will stop him making a sandwich in the small hours. You may be better off moving, or at least telling your landlord you will do so. If you are a good tenant they may not want to lose you.

C_Mababejive

I am in no way belittling your dilemma and i do understand as ive suffered similar issues and far worse with neighbours to the point of almost hand to hand combat.

It is very easy to get worked up,over anxious and very stressed and threatened about such issues mainly because there seems no escape from it.

Very often such issues are transitory. They come,go ,ease a little sometimes get worse but inevitably they end at some point.

This lad sounds like a bully who is parasitic on his old granny.

That situation will not go on forever ! Something will give.

The trouble is you see that once you have the issue in your head, you are actually over sensitised to it and are listening and watching like a Meerkat for every little thing.

My very best solution for you would be to do as i did. Buy some good quality soft mouldable ear plugs. They will kill that noise stone dead and allow you to relax and sleep better.
Something like this

http://www.arco.co.uk/products/233100/61579/E.A.R.+Soft++FX+Ear+Plugs+SNR39

These are soft mouldable, juts roll them between your fingers, insert and they expand and hey presto,,silence.

moneyistooshorttomention

I sympathise with your situation. His Granny sounds very much under his thumb. She really needs to "lay down the law" to him that she is not going to allow him to stay with her again, but I wouldn't be raising my hopes she will chuck him out (though its clearly something she needs to do for her own sake). Have you tried asking her whether she is frightened of him/suggested that, for her own safety, she should stop him staying with her? Can the two of you together resolve to have nothing further to do with him and she gets her home security precautions revised (as I am wondering whether she is scared he will break in if she doesn't let him in).

Maybe the local Battered Wives Refuge could advise Gran how to most safely eject this troublemaker and safeguard herself against him?

Maybe the police could advise your neighbour how to reinforce her home security precautions to protect herself against him breaking in? They probably know a good security firm they could tell her about. There are some very good security firms around (I found one by accident when I booked a locksmith to change my locks when I moved in here and it turned out he does the full range of security stuff and is obviously very trustworthy/helpful/etc). If I need anything extra in the future of any "security" description I shall certainly go straight back to him for it.

It does sound like a situation where he is battening on the two women on their own and bargaining on neither of you standing up to him. It is very telling that the last resident of your flat didn't have this trouble - and they are a big burly policeman.

What makes some men think they can discriminate like this and treat women worse than they would treat men?:mad: Angry on your behalf that he is doing this to you.

Do wish you luck that you can get this resolved. It would be such a shame to get pressured into moving from a place where you sound happy and that landlady of yours sounds like a good 'un.

katsu

Can the landlord move the rooms so you are not next to the kitchen?

Can they increase sounds proofing if not?

I'd agree with trying ear plugs to help you sleep if you want to stay there.

Good luck.

Nobbie1967

If the earplugs don't work, I'd move. You can change your own behaviour, but it's very difficult to change the behavior of others. I doubt the council are going to reduce the disturbance to a level that you will now accept as you've become sensitised to it.

hollydays

It may be the grandson is bullying grandma and getting money from her.
If your concerned about her I'd try to befriend her - she may open up and tell you she's scared ofhim.
You may need to leave.

http://www.elderabuse.org.uk
Post edited

Old_Git

you need a few burly mates round to have a word with him

agrinnall

hollydays wrote: »

The landlord needs to stop him staying.

What LL? the OP's LL has no control over what happens in somebody else's property, and the OP says that the flat is "owned by a lovely lady" then makes it clear she is the owner/occupier. And as it's Scotland there's no freeholder to set any rules.

hollydays

agrinnall wrote: »

What LL? the OP's LL has no control over what happens in somebody else's property, and the OP says that the flat is "owned by a lovely lady" then makes it clear she is the owner/occupier. And as it's Scotland there's no freeholder to set any rules.

Ah yes I see my error.
I thought the property was tenanted.