Feeling unwanted

mariposa687

Life is too short to wait for someone to make their mind up after 9 months. He either wants a relationship or he doesn't and you need to have that conversation with him. I know it's hard but it's much better to know where you stand.

DUTR

Freckles2 wrote: »

I sperated from my Husband in November 2012 and we divorced in November 2013.

For the last 9 months I have been seeing a lovely guy who I have totally fallen for.

The only problem is he keeps saying that he is not ready for us to be a 'couple' or anything serious.

We see each other about twice a week and go out like a normal couple. I have met some of his friends and he has met some of my friends and family.

He still says that he is not ready for a relationship though.

I am away to turn 32 so not getting any younger.

How long do I wait for him to decide that he wants to be a 'couple'?

This is making me feel really unwanted

I'm sorry, but I'm with your BF on this one, 9 months seems like you got together just after xmas which is sort of only 2 months after finalising with your now ex, I guess he is fearful of a little bit of on the rebound on your part, at 32 you are still young in the grand scheme of things. When you got together was it made clear you were looking for something more forever?
In a relationship it's about what both want, not just one ?

Spendless

Get him to define what he sees 'being a couple is'. If he means getting engaged, married, living together, having children together then I agree 9 months isn't (usually) long enough.

If he doesn't view that you two are in a relationship, then you are free to persue relationships with other men. Bet he won't like that idea if you suggest it though.

loubie_lou

Judi wrote: »

I know i'll be unpopular for saying this but if I was in your situation OP, I'd be thinking he was just keeping his options open.

Surely after 9 months he'd know how he felt about you.

I agree with this. If he is still acting this way when it comes to the year mark. I'd be moving on. I've had relations with a few guys like this and they left me for someone else.

I've now met a wonderful man and after 8 months we are living together and have a cat!

Don't get me wrong, he might have a total change of heart and you could be the 'one' but you need to have that talk pretty soon otherwise you will just be hurting yourself staying in this 'relationship'.

GBNI

How is it that saying goes? Don't make someone a priority when you're only an option to them.

Sorry to say this OP, but he sounds like he is keeping his options open. 9 months is more than long enough to decide whether to be in a relationship. I don't mean you need to hurry and move in together etc but you should know where you stand and whether the relationship is exclusive. Which, unfortunately to me it sounds like it probably isn't.

duchy

If he's seeing you two nights a week- is he seeing other women on the other five nights ?

Is "not a couple" code for - not exclusive ?

If you don't know the answer you really need to find out as it sounds like you are assuming it's an exclusive relationship and perhaps isn't.

SandC

Right blokes do this thing quite often.

They tell you that they don't want a relationship (this is early on) and you say 'yeah no problem we'll just enjoy what we've got'. Months down the line you are seeing more of each other, it's regular and it's nice, you have a good time and have met some friends and family.

You consider, quite rightly, that you are now serious girlfriend territory. He on the other hand, when you sit and talk about it, says no I told you I wasn't looking for a relationship, nothing has changed.

They maintain that however they might act (like you are a couple), they told you they didn't want anything more and they have never said anything different so that stands.

I don't doubt he's fond of you but he has his get out clause which can be used at any time..... never mind how he's been acting.

I had an ex of mine when it ended (done by just ignoring me until I went away basically) he said 'well we were never in a full blown relationship were we?'. Oh right, well we didn't live together but we spent up to 5 nights a week together, have a holiday booked and have had a week's trip away together in that time (actually about 9 months)...... so what was that then?

Go figure. :cool:

FBaby

OP, you haven't come back and I hope it isn't because reading all those posts which basically have all said the same things is painful to read.

One question that came to mind for the chance that we have all got it wrong and it is not a case of keeping the door open, you say you've met some of his friends, have you met any of his family?