Feeling unwanted

System

I know i'll be unpopular for saying this but if I was in your situation OP, I'd be thinking he was just keeping his options open.

Surely after 9 months he'd know how he felt about you.

j.e.j.

Judi wrote: »

I know i'll be unpopular for saying this but if I was in your situation OP, I'd be thinking he was just keeping his options open.

Surely after 9 months he'd know how he felt about you.

It does sound like he wants to have his cake and eat it.. They 'see each other' about twice a week, and go out together, so they're in some kind of a relationship but he doesn't want to commit to her :think:

OP I would ask him what he thinks you two have if it isn't a relationship, and see what he says?

peachyprice

I don't think there's anything wrong at all with not wanting to be in a serious relationship per se, as long as you're honest about it, which it seems he has been.

If he hadn't told you that he didn't want commitment then yes, he would be stringing you along, but he has told you exactly where the land lies. So it's up to you to decide whether you're wasting your time when you could be with someone who wants marriage, children, the whole shebang or whether you're happy just dating for the foreseable future.

pmlindyloo

peachyprice wrote: »

I don't think there's anything wrong at all with not wanting to be in a serious relationship per se, as long as you're honest about it, which it seems he has been.

If he hadn't told you that he didn't want commitment then yes, he would be stringing you along, but he has told you exactly where the land lies. So it's up to you to decide whether you're wasting your time when you could be with someone who wants marriage, children, the whole shebang or whether you're happy just dating for the foreseable future.

Problem is the OP wouldn't be posting on here if she was happy

This kind of relationship is fine when you are young (sorry, you are young OP) but turning 30 somehow makes you think it's time for something serious.

There is one sure way of finding out his true intentions but you have to be brave to do it. You give him the 'heave ho'. The 'sorry but I don't feel we're going anywhere.' Nine months is a long time if you are 'more than friends' - I take it you are having a sexual relationship?

If he feels more for you then he will come to a decision one way or another - he can't live without you or he's ready to move on.

Men are strange creatures and some are quite happy to poodle along without a care in the world. Many women (and I'm guessing you) want more of a commitment.

Up to you but in two years time he still won't be ready for a relationship (what on earth does that mean?). Step away now.

Mojisola

Freckles2 wrote: »

For the last 9 months I have been seeing a lovely guy who I have totally fallen for.

The only problem is he keeps saying that he is not ready for us to be a 'couple' or anything serious.

We see each other about twice a week and go out like a normal couple. I have met some of his friends and he has met some of my friends and family.

He still says that he is not ready for a relationship though.

Have you asked him what would have to change for him to consider the two of you to be a 'couple'.

Whether he likes the idea or not, he is in a relationship now!

FBaby

How old is he? In his 30s too? I am another one who thinks that unless he is 22, 9 months is definitely long enough to know if you want to be in committed relationship if you have feelings for that person.

In your shoes, I would want to understand better his reasoning to be sure that it is just that he is slow on the mark and he should move to that stage of wanting a relationship in the next couple of months, or he is unlikely to ever do, either because he has some serious issues around commitment, or because he is not that into you.

peachyprice

FBaby wrote: »

How old is he? In his 30s too? I am another one who thinks that unless he is 22, 9 months is definitely long enough to know if you want to be in committed relationship if you have feelings for that person.

He's already told her that he doesn't, What more is he supposed to do?

BigAunty

You are a couple in a relationship.... The reason why he doesn't want to recognise it fully and acknowledge it to you is that he is quite comfortable getting everything that goes with a relationship because you haven't resisted it to date. The reason why you are insecure is that you let it continue on his terms. He's getting company, friendship and s*x so what else does he need from it?

marisco_2

Personally I think you are investing far too much emotionally with someone who basically isn't all that into you. Whilst your feelings are strong enough to consider giving up your life here to move abroad with him, he doesn't feel ready for a relationship with you after knowing you for 9 months! The current status quo is unlikely to change.

Errata

Freckles2 wrote: »

The only problem is he keeps saying that he is not ready for us to be a 'couple' or anything serious.

(

He means as far as he's concerned you're just a casual, he may have another 2 or 3 on the go as well.