Splitting up at 64

GranB

I am absolutely amazed and totally overwhelmed with the response to this. Thank you so much for your advice and empathy.
Just trying to respond to questions and will need to re-read all your replies to fully take on board.

My daughter and her husband and family have been very supportive and many of you have reiterated what they have been saying and advising me.
My son is sat on the fence and does not want to get take sides. I think he feels (hopes) it will all blow over and is unable/reluctant to accept it.

We are both retired and I have a slightly higher personal pension than him, he has a slightly higher state pension than me so I have assumed we would keep our own. I have, until this all kicked off and I split them, dealt with all our finances, bill paying and investments.

[FONT=&quot]Initially I would have liked to have bought him out because it would be less of an upheaval and had the house valued 7 months ago. Of 3 estimates the best was for £87,000 which we both thought was very poor. I offered him £50k which he refused as he would not move out and preferred that I stayed and be ‘friends’ and share the bills. That’s is why he has offered same now I have said I can't and won't take anymore. I do think i would find it hard to deal with the memories of happier times when we first moved in and did it up on a shoe string to stay here on my own.[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]I am ok to downsize and would ideally like a small bungalow to keep down on maintenance and heating bills etc. not many around but I am hopeful.[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]I have already had my free half hour with solicitor when this first started but situation was different as I was wanting to buy him out at that time and only option offered was to go for devorce and force sale - I was panicking at the time and didn't follow through. I do understand though from many of the comments I need to go back for further advice[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]He took the car and gave me half the current value to buy my own. The house isnt big enough to split and everything shared area except bedrooms. He says he is not bothered about devorce as no plans to re marry. I have not done any of his cooking or cleaning or anything since this started. [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]I think, given the advice from you lovely folk, my best option is to try and buy a place of my own and move on.[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]Again I cannot thank you all enough for caring to respond - perhaps life is not such a poo place after all - thankyou xxxx[/FONT]

duchy

I am very glad you found the posts useful.

Why on earth would you offer him £50K on a valuation of less than £87K ?
(that was the highest valuation you should be averaging the three not him choosing the highest anyway) Half of furniture £6.5K ? Not at secondhand value !

It sounds like this horrible situation has damaged your self esteem and you are letting him continue to dictate how things are. You don't need to do this. You could get three new valuations , average them and make him a formal offer of 50% conditional on him leaving within 30 days or otherwise you will go to court to force a sale. The logic been you won't having him hanging around like a bad smell for months whilst a house sale goes through. A lot of buyers don't like buying from couples who are divorcing as they are aware that if it isn't amicable one of the couple can block the sale as leverage in other matters so him leaving before you sell works -although the downside is the legal fees from the sale would be 100% yours rather than split 50/50 but it might be a price worth paying to get rid of him earlier.

Nothing to stop you selling later on once he has gone and you can decide at leisure what is best for you.

I am flabbergasted he wants more than fifty percent to leave - what a selfish man. And "he" doesn't care about divorce? Well bully for him - no consideration that you'd prefer not to be locked into matrimony with such a selfish git !! I hope you've made a will ensuring that if anything happened to you this horrible man wouldn't get his greedy paws on your savings !

Sorry I am really angry for you.
I really hope this thread has given you the push you need to get this situation resolved so you can move on with your life and leave this dreadful time behind.

Decide what you want and then go see a solicitor before making any more proposals to him.

BigAunty

SailorSam wrote: »

If you were to walk away with only £50k could you look towards getting one of those flats that you buy only 50% or 75% equity and pay rent on the difference. Someone posted on here last week when talking about these part owned properties that people over the age of 60 didn't need to pay rent. .

There is no age limit where someone magically gets free rent in the rental part of a shared ownership property.

Is it possible you came across a thread from a state pensioner who discovered that she got housing benefit to cover the rental percentage of shared ownership and high council tax benefit?

In that case, it was because the only income they had after they purchased the sale part of the SO property was a low state pension (and pension credit). This low income maximised their housing benefit entitlement. The OP in that other thread had capital that will very low after the property purchase so she doesn't get any deductions from her benefits for having too much savings.

HB is means tested so that is the reason why some pensioners get full HB and council tax benefit, nowt to do with age.

Jessica88

My grandparents broke with over 70. They should have done it before because the last years of their life has been very bad. They seperated 2 years ago and everyone of them started again to live now. Unfortunately my grandma passed away 2 month ago.. thats why I mean, they should have done it earlier...

rpc

GranB wrote: »

[FONT=&quot]He says he is not bothered about devorce as no plans to re marry.[/FONT]

Regardless of anything else, get divorced!

While you remain married you are legally and financially linked. It can cause all sorts of problems down the line if you don't divorce. It might not, but if it does then it can get very messy.

Billie-S

I agree with what Duchy said (post 23) His behaviour is disgraceful.

Get shot of him Gran. Tell him YOU want a divorce. So that you are free to marry your young Canadian mountie toyboy.

blueneleh

rpc wrote: »

Regardless of anything else, get divorced!

While you remain married you are legally and financially linked. It can cause all sorts of problems down the line if you don't divorce. It might not, but if it does then it can get very messy.

I would definitely second this.
Start the process of a divorce. It makes things much clearer legally and is a good basis to work out any financial issues.
Good luck with everything

BJV

So sorry, it is so sad. But you are only 64 and can still have an active happy life.


Go see a solicitor and start a fresh. It may not be what you want to hear but you have lots of time to make a new and happy life, where people love you for you and you certainly do not have to put up with him!!!!

margaretclare

BJV wrote: »

So sorry, it is so sad. But you are only 64 and can still have an active happy life.


Go see a solicitor and start a fresh. It may not be what you want to hear but you have lots of time to make a new and happy life, where people love you for you and you certainly do not have to put up with him!!!!

I agree with all of this.

As DH said when he moved in with me, in flight from an abusive marriage: 'Today is the start of the rest of my life'. He was 62. I was the same age, widowed. We've both had a new lease of life. We were married almost 13 years ago.

It's quite funny actually. People look at us and assume we've been married 50-60 years. Not so.

SailorSam

Keep in touch Gran, let us know when everything gets sorted.