Splitting up advice

j.e.j.

FBaby wrote: »

Sorry but if this is how you feel at any stage of a relationship, why oh why decide to have another child? She knew what he was like yet chose to have another child with him. Maybe he feels used?

Yes, both of them sound desperately unhappy. She wanted kids, and chose to have them with this guy 'before it's too late'. But he could easily have said no and refused to have children, especially a second one, if he wasn't happy at the prospect.

It sounds like both are blaming each other for their problems.

BigAunty

j.e.j. wrote: »

Yes, both of them sound desperately unhappy. She wanted kids, and chose to have them with this guy 'before it's too late'. But he could easily have said no and refused to have children, especially a second one, if he wasn't happy at the prospect.

It sounds like both are blaming each other for their problems.

I'm not disputing your observations.

However, if the following are true, then the OPs partner is a nightmare to deal with on many fronts, not just reproducing - walking out on a job, concealing joint savings, feigning illness, refusing to help around the house, ordering a partner to increase their hours, intending to spend their own money on leisure while the wife has to fund all household expenses and interfering in-laws, etc.

Mojisola

BigAunty wrote: »

However, if the following are true, then the OPs partner is a nightmare to deal with on many fronts, not just reproducing - walking out on a job, concealing joint savings, feigning illness, refusing to help around the house, ordering a partner to increase their hours, intending to spend their own money on leisure while the wife has to fund all household expenses and interfering in-laws, etc.

And not sharing the child care at all. The only SAHDs I know were very hands-on from the beginning.

BigAunty

Mojisola wrote: »

And not sharing the child care at all. The only SAHDs I know were very hands-on from the beginning.

Yes. I must have easily seen 10 threads on this forum by different OPs all with similar themes, particularly worklessness and financial control by their male partners who would flatly refuse to assist with housekeeping or child care.

There was even one stay at home dad who insisted his working wife put their kids into paid childcare 2 or 3 days a week! She had a debt repayment programme which he used to sabotage by spending sums on treats for himself and taunting her about it. I think on that occasion, the struggling wife was freed from the tyranny after he bit their youngest child and social services and the police got involved and he was excluded from the home with a court order.