Mum in law wants a lodger

Jagraf

She said she would like sheltered housing, we looked into it, she saw some places, then decided it was full of people older than her and that is was never really her choice.

We have given her our cat (to be honest that also helped us) - in fact, we gave her our two cats and then she decided she only wanted one so we had to take the other back.

Short of her moving in with us, or indeed my husband moving in with her (which, joking aside, she would prefer) we have tried most things. She has lots and lots and lots of family and friends within a few miles who all see her - and she has lots of visitors (so much so she was saying she gets through 4 pints of milk a week just on cups of tea).

I suppose after writing this down my biggest concern, apart from her vulnerability and her imagination of what it will be like, is the fact that I know she will change her mind at some point. By then she could have a lodger and it will be too late for her to change her mind.

I really do honestly care about her, I'm uneasy letting her get on with it, but I'm also uneasy getting involved.

Maybe we will just have to go with the flow, its her choice in the end, all I can do is present her with the options, so long as I don't give my opinion

Jagraf

Hermia wrote: »

I would definitely make it clear to her that a landlady/lodger relationship is a business relationship and she can't expect anything else. I once lodged and had no idea the lodging idea had been suggested to my landlady as a way to alleviate her loneliness. It was a nightmare as I was out most of the time. She would kick off at least once a week and claim I was just "using her" as a place to stay (errr, yes, that is what I am paying for!). If I was in the evening she would constantly complain that I wouldn't come and watch all the soaps with her. It didn't matter how much I chatted to her it was never enough.

That's exactly it. I have said lodgers have their own lives. Thank you for that, you've worded many of my thoughts as to how she sees it. I think people have said "it will be company".

Mojisola

Jagraf wrote: »

I suppose after writing this down my biggest concern, apart from her vulnerability and her imagination of what it will be like, is the fact that I know she will change her mind at some point. By then she could have a lodger and it will be too late for her to change her mind.

A lodger can be asked to leave with very little notice so she won't be committed to keep someone there if it doesn't work out.

Jagraf

Mojisola wrote: »

Does she really think that a young professional will be sitting with her in the evenings?

Yes. To start with she assumed they would be having dinner with her too, but we explained that one

Jagraf

Mojisola wrote: »

A lodger can be asked to leave with very little notice so she won't be committed to keep someone there if it doesn't work out.

I suppose I should take a look at some example contracts. Thank you.

Pixie5740

It sounds like your mother wants a lodger for the wrong reasons and that perhaps the Homeshare scheme suggested by RAS would be more appropriate.

The good new is that if she goes ahead and gets a lodger and it doesn't work out, lodgers have few rights so it would be fairly easy to get rid of them.

Is it perhaps male company that your mum is missing since she's so keen for your husband to move in (I'm not suggesting that she's after any funny business, just the companionship of a man).

Jagraf

Pixie5740 wrote: »

It sounds like your mother wants a lodger for the wrong reasons and that perhaps the Homeshare scheme suggested by RAS would be more appropriate.

The good new is that if she goes ahead and gets a lodger and it doesn't work out, lodgers have few rights so it would be fairly easy to get rid of them.

Is it perhaps male company that your mum is missing since she's so keen for your husband to move in (I'm not suggesting that she's after any funny business, just the companionship of a man).

He's quite a protective son and a strong character, that probably makes her feel more secure.

On the other hand she can be quite morose which he deals with well but I struggle with. Her daughter (my husbands sister) struggles with it too.

I think she just wants company 24/7 which is almost impossible for anyone.

Maybe all the grandchildren can go live with her for a while, that will make her appreciate the quieter times

hazyjo

There's a lodger thread on the relationships forum atm. The OP's not really relevant, but there are a few stories on there which may put her off


https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5067858


Jx

Jagraf

hazyjo wrote: »

There's a lodger thread on the relationships forum atm. The OP's not really relevant, but there are a few stories on there which may put her off



Jx

That makes interesting reading! I don't think its even crossed her mind that they may have people stopping, using the washing machine, not washing up (she doesn't have a tumble dryer or a dishwasher).

She will need to get a cleaner because although she does her own housework, she doesn't make much mess and can't manage more than what she does do. I think she will also lose her 25% council tax reduction.

Ohhhh the list is endless. :eek:

lincroft1710

"Ah, Mrs Wilberforce, I understand you have rooms to rent. I am Professor Marcus".