Mum in law wants a lodger

Jagraf

My 80 year old mum in law has decided she wants to take on a lodger. Love her to bits, but myself and my OH have said its her decision, but she needs to organise this herself, we won't and can't organise it for her. She says she will go through an agent and is seeing one today.

However, it concerns me. Her house is an old terrace and there are practical issues that need dealing with, also I'm concerned about her vulnerability etc.

Whereas I won't get involved in dissuading her, should my husband be worried and try to talk her out of it. Or is it a good idea? What are the pitfalls and benefits?

booksurr

if she needs the money then it is her life let her lead it, if she wants company because she is lonely, ditto. Alternatively perhaps you could fill whatever void she is seeking to fill?

the pitfalls are she is not their mother and so the relationship between her and the lodger may not be what she expects, what is she looking for?

a lodger will not be a housekeeper for the tasks she will be increasingly unable to manage herself nor will they be a confidant/ company in old age, indeed the lodger may have expectations of cleanliness etc which simply cannot provide any more due to infirmity

Tixy

Does she have a particular person in mind to be her lodger? a friend or an aquaintance?

Or is she hoping to use the agent to find her a lodger?

Whilst it is her decision, in your OHs position I would talk through with her what her motivations are, and what she hopes to achieve, is it financial, companionship etc? In her position I would want a family member or friend as a sounding board to help me make such a decision.

I would suggest to her that she needs to make sure she understands the rights of any lodger, her options if they do not pay her board money etc.

carefullycautious

maybe an older lodger would suit. It is surprising the number of adverts I see in magazines like 'The Lady' where people who have left or retired from live in jobs are looking for lodgings.


I hope she finds someone just make sure she checks out references carefully

Jagraf

The main reason is company. Despite the fact that she is busier than most, and between us and my sister in law and all the grandchildren, and her friends and other family members, she probably has on average three visitors a day, goes out nearly every day etc.

I have said it won't fill that void and that lodgers come and go as they please.

It won't be a friend or acquaintance.

I am concerned that actually having a lodger will deter some of her friends from going. I'm also concerned that she believes they will sit with her for tea, watch TV etc. We don't have the time or energy to manage it for her, but I do worry it will go wrong.

Brallaqueen

If you can't dissuade her from geting a lodger, can you suggest that she takes some precautions at least? I'd be worried about bank statements being delivered into someone elses hands, forgetting and leaving bank/credit cards and cash in easy reach and so on.

If she wants to do it, and she is of sound mind, all you can do is make some suggestions on safety.

Why is an agent involved? Unless she is looking at international students who sometimes use agencies, she may be looking for lodgers in all the wrong places and paying for the priviledge.

You could suggest checking with any local university for international students who may be more up for interaction to improve their language skills, local hospital for doctors/nurses who have responsible jobs and have to be cehcked

AdrianC

Have to say, I think you're right to worry. She's ripe to be taken advantage of.

You say you can't and won't get involved - is that because you're a long way from her? If not, then I'd be very inclined to get involved, if only to help protect her.

Could she be obliquely suggesting she'd like to move in with you...?

RAS

Would the Homeshare scheme be what she needs?

http://www.theguardian.com/money/2012/jan/06/homeshare-scheme-tackle-housing-crisis

Jagraf

AdrianC wrote: »

Have to say, I think you're right to worry. She's ripe to be taken advantage of.

You say you can't and won't get involved - is that because you're a long way from her? If not, then I'd be very inclined to get involved, if only to help protect her.

Could she be obliquely suggesting she'd like to move in with you...?

She actually wants my husband to move in with her :eek:.

We have quite a good relationship with her really and we are trying our best to help to make her happy - she just isn't happy, and everything we try fails.

We are reasonably local and take good care of her. But this would turn into yet another project and then it will go wrong.

But secretly we are concerned. What I want to do is to oversee it without her knowing we are overseeing it, if that makes sense.

TBagpuss

Maybe a homesharing arrangement rather than a lodger, if she wants companionship rather than needing the income?
Is there a service based near her that you could put her in touch with? http://www.housingcare.org/service/type-30-homesharing.aspx

Jagraf

I will have a look at the home share, thank you