Mum in law wants a lodger

Jagraf

Brallaqueen wrote: »

If you can't dissuade her from geting a lodger, can you suggest that she takes some precautions at least? I'd be worried about bank statements being delivered into someone elses hands, forgetting and leaving bank/credit cards and cash in easy reach and so on.

If she wants to do it, and she is of sound mind, all you can do is make some suggestions on safety.

Why is an agent involved? Unless she is looking at international students who sometimes use agencies, she may be looking for lodgers in all the wrong places and paying for the priviledge.

You could suggest checking with any local university for international students who may be more up for interaction to improve their language skills, local hospital for doctors/nurses who have responsible jobs and have to be cehcked

I think she thought an agent would do all the checks.

AdrianC

Jagraf wrote: »

She actually wants my husband to move in with her :eek:.

With you, I'm sure...

So it's really only a question of which house. Sit down with her and TALK...

What I want to do is to oversee it without her knowing we are overseeing it, if that makes sense.

It makes sense, but it isn't practicable. You really need to be helping her interview any applicants.

Jagraf

Maybe Hubbie should just move in with her ...

Maybe that is her intention :eek::D

bitsandpieces

RAS wrote: »

Would the Homeshare scheme be what she needs?

http://www.theguardian.com/money/2012/jan/06/homeshare-scheme-tackle-housing-crisis

If she wants company and help in the house, home share could be a good bet. If she's in v good health and wants company, she could look at something like a home stay scheme for overseas students - where they would want to talk to improve their English. That does take a bit of work, though!

A lodger will likely come and go as suits them - so may not want to provide company.

Jagraf

bitsandpieces wrote: »

If she wants company and help in the house, home share could be a good bet. If she's in v good health and wants company, she could look at something like a home stay scheme for overseas students - where they would want to talk to improve their English. That does take a bit of work, though!

A lodger will likely come and go as suits them - so may not want to provide company.

She is in good health for her age, but needs to walk with a walker for any distance. Her house is a decent size but in need of modernisation - the kitchen is all free standing and you have to walk through the lounge to get there. There is one small bathroom which she would have to share with the lodger.

She doesn't need the money. She has said she is doing it for the company. Her days are full with people. She believes it will be company during late evenings. She only wants young professional females, she finds older people "depressing".

If we agree to this and help her, and it all goes wrong, she will blame my husband. If we try to talk her out of it it will be our fault. If she does this anyway, I can almost say for certain that it won't suit her and she won't like it as I am convinced she thinks they will have tea with her, chat in the evenings etc. she will then want to stop and she won't have that choice immediately.

My husband has suggested that maybe she moves in with one of her friends, but none of them want to - their lives are settled.

Personally I wouldn't want to lodge in her house, but its warm and comfortable and may suit someone - but not the kind of person she's looking for.

Mojisola

Jagraf wrote: »

She doesn't need the money. She has said she is doing it for the company. Her days are full with people. She believes it will be company during late evenings. She only wants young professional females, she finds older people "depressing".

Does she really think that a young professional will be sitting with her in the evenings?

whitewing

Sounds a bit mad, but would a cat be the company she is looking for?

It appears she is getting good human contact;

hazyjo

Was also going to suggest a cat! Or maybe even moving? Perhaps some sort of warden assisted place where they still have their independence, but also have socialising space too where they can all sit together?


I know some people's worst nightmare is 'being put into a home' but would she maybe like the company one provides?


Also agree, time to sit down and go through options, making it clear it's her decision and not your preferences.


Jx

pinkshoes

My gran managed to get moved to sheltered accomodation, so she kept her privacy, but help and company were on hand if needed, plus there was a place all the residents could go and have their evening meal together.

The homeshare might be ideal for her.

Hermia

Jagraf wrote: »

The main reason is company. Despite the fact that she is busier than most, and between us and my sister in law and all the grandchildren, and her friends and other family members, she probably has on average three visitors a day, goes out nearly every day etc.

I have said it won't fill that void and that lodgers come and go as they please.

It won't be a friend or acquaintance.

I am concerned that actually having a lodger will deter some of her friends from going. I'm also concerned that she believes they will sit with her for tea, watch TV etc. We don't have the time or energy to manage it for her, but I do worry it will go wrong.

I would definitely make it clear to her that a landlady/lodger relationship is a business relationship and she can't expect anything else. I once lodged and had no idea the lodging idea had been suggested to my landlady as a way to alleviate her loneliness. It was a nightmare as I was out most of the time. She would kick off at least once a week and claim I was just "using her" as a place to stay (errr, yes, that is what I am paying for!). If I was in the evening she would constantly complain that I wouldn't come and watch all the soaps with her. It didn't matter how much I chatted to her it was never enough.