Big decision, need your advice

misty

I think everyone' s opinions are clouded by their own experience. Try listening to your own voice. Sit quietly and think do I want a child? What is your immediate gut reaction without thinking about it. Or what about I will never have children - how do you feel about that?

I never wanted children - I got pregnant accidently and unfortuantely miscarried. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I was thrilled!!! From that moment on I desperately wanted a baby.

I have friends who have numerous children and friends who have chosen to not have children and they are all happy with their decisions.

Not having children doesn't make you selfish - having children doesn't make you an earth mother with a better quality of life. Realtionships break down with or without children involved

Personally, I think people are less likely to regret having children when they have the children when they are older. I think if people regret having children than it is more likely to be because having them prevented them from doing other things whereas when you are older you have had the chance to do them already.

Good luck with your decision

1_step_closer

Thank you all so much! I have read every message and taken it all on board. To be completely honest, gut reaction right now is "no". Over the weekend I changed my mind about 50 times and whenever I thought "yes" it felt wrong.

IF hubby hadn't had his daughter then I think the situation would be completely different but I feel no pressure on me at all to have them. I do like our life the way it is and I know we will be debt free eventually but as some of you have said, the shock of a friend being pregnant when I never thought she would be was a major factor in my dilemma.

You are all also very kind saying I would be a good mum but I think I would be a better auntie!

For now, I will put it all on a back burner and see how I feel in the new year.

Thanks again, you are all brilliant!

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fishingcinema

glad you have come to a decesion for the time being,like you said everytime u said yes it felt wrong so ur going to leave it a while there are so many unwanted babys in this world and i congratulate u for not adding to this u never know one day u may wake up and think i want a baby but for the time being enjoy being an auntie or soon to be and enjoy your freedom lol

all the best for the future

rosieben

I had children, my sister didnt. We both found our fulfillment, just in different ways. She's always been a great Aunt to my kids and they are still close to her now.

I love my kids and have never regretted having them but if I hadnt had children - for whatever reason - I would have made a full and satisfying life for myself in some other way.

OP your body clock is ticking, dont panic yourself into having a baby.

Think about it and talk to your OH before you make a decision. Children change your life for ever, sometimes for good, sometimes for bad

I always tell my kids I would be a millionaire by now if I hadnt had them! :rotfl:

Galaxy36

If you have recently received the news that you may not be able to have children you could be still in shock....I had an ectopic pregnancy many years ago and was told that I would lose one of my ovaries which could mean that I would not be able to have any more children! At the time I already had a son after a very difficult birth, my husband and I decided that we did not want anymore children but that was our decision I had a choice this left me with no choice anymore and that was the hardest to accept.

Having a child is very, very expensive even if you did everything on a budget. If you are having financial difficulties these would exaberate the problem even further, would cause rows and more money worries. It is a total change of life in every aspect and one that you have to think long and hard about especially as your debts are the level that they are now.

Don't get me wrong I do have children and mine are now teenagers, it is even more expensive than when they were babies, I have brought them up so that they do not want expensive designer gear/named brands and both are happy with that. They know that you do not have to spend a lot to look good!:T Years of living as a single parent after my divorce, struggling with little or non existent maintenance :rolleyes:, not something that I would recommend for anyone.

Anyways, having said all that it is your decision and your partners alone you have to decided what is best for the both of you and of course his daughter's needs also need to be taken into consideration. Good luck whatever you decide:A