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Soleil_lune

January20 wrote: »

Of course it is difficult to comment now the first post has been deleted but I have to take issue with these 2 posts. Yes the OP is lucky that her child is alive and just going to university, that she will see her again but that doesn't mean that her pain is not real and that her heart is not breaking.

It is so condescending to write this kind of posts and I am sick and tired of posters who write that someone's pain/ sorrow is not valid because another person is experiencing something worse. Well, you know what? If you look hard enough, there is always somebody who is worse off than you. Does that mean you have no right to feel what you feel?

I don't know why you wrote those posts suelizab - and I don't want to know - but this is not a thread about parents who have lost their children to cancers or any other dreadful illness. It is about a poster who will miss their child as they go away to university and was looking for a little support and compassion! Is that so difficult to offer?

:T:T:T Well said January!

Come back soon Red Rose, and tell us how you are. Ignore people being negative towards you. The first post was nice (by Jaylee,) so ignore the negative nancies. Come back! :j

CH27

january20 wrote: »

of course it is difficult to comment now the first post has been deleted but i have to take issue with these 2 posts. Yes the op is lucky that her child is alive and just going to university, that she will see her again but that doesn't mean that her pain is not real and that her heart is not breaking.

it is so condescending to write this kind of posts and i am sick and tired of posters who write that someone's pain/ sorrow is not valid because another person is experiencing something worse. Well, you know what? If you look hard enough, there is always somebody who is worse off than you. Does that mean you have no right to feel what you feel?

i don't know why you wrote those posts suelizab - and i don't want to know - but this is not a thread about parents who have lost their children to cancers or any other dreadful illness. It is about a poster who will miss their child as they go away to university and was looking for a little support and compassion! Is that so difficult to offer?

Well said January.

peaceandfreedom

January20 wrote: »

I don't know why you wrote those posts suelizab - and I don't want to know - but this is not a thread about parents who have lost their children to cancers or any other dreadful illness. It is about a poster who will miss their child as they go away to university and was looking for a little support and compassion! Is that so difficult to offer?

Well said. :T Honestly, the responses referring to dead/dying children were appalling.

Red roses - when your child goes to uni it is both exciting and sad at the same time. I cried when we dropped our daughter off to halls on that first day (but not until DH and I were in the car driving back). But it's all part of growing up and moving on and it's right that they do that.

Sometimes it's hard to believe your little girl that you can remember being a baby, a toddler, a schoolgirl has grown up and is making her own way in life. Many times I wanted to pause time for a while but it can't be done.

She'll have a wonderful time and you'll get used to her not being around all the time.

JIL

If this was about a child going off to uni and the mother really upset by it and she has felt the need to have the post deleted because of the replies then I would like to add that I was upset for ages when my eldest went off to uni and lots of people i have spoken to all did the same. I feel no shame in admitting this and fully understand what people go through.

its the end of an era, the child you have nurtured and loved for eighteen years is most likely leaving the family home, things are never the same again.

I feel no shame in admitting that I sniffled all the way to dropping them off at uni and cryed all the way home. Yes i was very very proud and seven years later I am very proud I am now the mother of a doctor, but that was still my first born. going out into the big wide world by themselves.

It does get easier and you do map out a new way of life, they do come home again but that does not stop you missing them. When the second one went i was more prepared.

Dont feel bad for missing your daughter, its the most natural thing in the world.

emsywoo123

January20 wrote: »

Of course it is difficult to comment now the first post has been deleted but I have to take issue with these 2 posts. Yes the OP is lucky that her child is alive and just going to university, that she will see her again but that doesn't mean that her pain is not real and that her heart is not breaking.

It is so condescending to write this kind of posts and I am sick and tired of posters who write that someone's pain/ sorrow is not valid because another person is experiencing something worse. Well, you know what? If you look hard enough, there is always somebody who is worse off than you. Does that mean you have no right to feel what you feel?

I don't know why you wrote those posts suelizab - and I don't want to know - but this is not a thread about parents who have lost their children to cancers or any other dreadful illness. It is about a poster who will miss their child as they go away to university and was looking for a little support and compassion! Is that so difficult to offer?

This deserves to be thanked so many times over. It may be the wine but this has really touched me. Thank you xx

suelizab

For this thats it 10

jaylee3

suelizab wrote: »

For those that did not read the original post, it was not about the mum missing her child going off to uni BUT missing her daughter because she does all the work needed to keep the house going WHILST the mum is spending all HER time and all her ENERGY looking after a 3 year old . There was nothing in the post that said she cared about the older daughter or how proud she was of her. It was just sob, sob, me, me me

Oh no no no no no, the OP did NOT say this in the opening post. Why on earth are you saying this? :eek:

You have totally made all of that up! Why are you saying this? Because people are having a go at you for being mean to the OP?!

She said absolutely nothing about how she was going to miss her 'helping around the house' and with the toddler. She said although she is busy at work and with her toddler, she is still feeling her heart ache with her teen daughter leaving, and she was going to find it hard with her not being there.

You are trying to make out she is a selfish mean little madam who only cared about her teen daughter being a little helper.

If THIS is what she said, then why did your response (in post 3) not reflect it then???!!!!!

suelizab wrote: »

so many mums are feeling sad as their kids go off to uni But, I don't mean to be rude, your heart isn't breaking or even feel like its breaking. That is the perogative (sp) of those mums whose kids are not going cos they have just died or they are fighting cancer .

Shame on you Suelizab. She didn't say any of what you're trying to say she said. And I know, because I responded to her OP while it was still there, and I remember what she said quite well.

VJsmum

In light of info regarding the originals post, then I probably was that daughter. My mum had three children under 10 and me, and she had chronic rheumatoid arthritis. I did loads f stuff around the house - was kind of a "sub carer" in a way.

Mum in the end was the one who encouraged me to go and who encouraged me to stay when I was finding it tough. She knew what my life would be like if I went back home and she didn't want that for me. I now realise what a massive sacrifice that was - regrettably I never really thanked her and she has gone now

I now have a DD also leaving in two weeks, I am focussing on the positives - excited for her, don't have to be mums taxi for her, don't have to worry about what to feed her and I Can get my hands n her bedroom :rotfl:

jaylee3

VJsmum wrote: »

In light of info regarding the originals post, then I probably was that daughter. My mum had three children under 10 and me, and she had chronic rheumatoid arthritis. I did loads f stuff around the house - was kind of a "sub carer" in a way.

Mum in the end was the one who encouraged me to go and who encouraged me to stay when I was finding it tough. She knew what my life would be like if I went back home and she didn't want that for me. I now realise what a massive sacrifice that was - regrettably I never really thanked her and she has gone now

I now have a DD also leaving in two weeks, I am focussing on the positives - excited for her, don't have to be mums taxi for her, don't have to worry about what to feed her and I Can get my hands n her bedroom :rotfl:

The OP DID NOT say that she needs her daughter to stay to help her as she is too busy with her toddler and that she couldn't cope without her. She said she had a full time job for a start, and that despite having a job, and a toddler to keep her busy, she will miss her daughter.

I KNOW because I saw the original post and was the first to respond to it, and she was NOT saying she needs her to stay to help her. That is not true.

purpleshoes_2

suelizab wrote: »

For those that did not read the original post, it was not about the mum missing her child going off to uni BUT missing her daughter because she does all the work needed to keep the house going WHILST the mum is spending all HER time and all her ENERGY looking after a 3 year old . There was nothing in the post that said she cared about the older daughter or how proud she was of her. It was just sob, sob, me, me me

Rubbish. She did say she cared for her and her heart was breaking at the thought of her leaving. She said her partner worked away and the older daughter helped a lot with her sister but that was it.

Nothing about her doing the work to keep the house going.

Don't justify your comments by making up stuff that wasn't said.

I too saw the original post and you are talking complete cobblers.