Child not eating school dinner

notanewuser

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

If I was starving hungry because I'd missed a meal, I'd make sure I ate the next time. I suppose they might chose to go hungry, in which case they won't starve, they will eat at home.

Yes, but you are an adult and the OP's son is a small child, not a mini adult. It doesn't work the same for them as it does for us.

seven-day-weekend

notanewuser wrote: »

Yes, but you are an adult and the OP's son is a small child, not a mini adult. It doesn't work the same for them as it does for us.

No? So what should we do then? I'm not advocating force-feeding. I'm just saying let them get on with it (or not).

lilmissreading

I'm getting flashbacks to my miserable school lunches which were all the way through school.

At primary school I would come home crying with hungry and a sore tummy from not eating. This persisted until I left school at 18. It was different in the 80s though as we got one choice. I imagine if there had been a vegetarian choice I would have been far more likely to start eating more. My memories are of watery stews with gristley meat and tinned veg, greasy, chewy mince; corned beef with jelly bits. Chips on Friday were a relief.

My school encouraged the oldest primary girls to serve the youngers and you sat in tables. I would beg my servers to wipe the back of the spoon on the plate so it looked like I ate something and lied to teachers when they came round by saying I'd finished.

To this day I still loathe custard, cream, rice pudding, semolina, tapioca etc as when I eat them they taste like tears and misery. I now know I got the cheap hideous version but can't bear to go back nonetheless.

There's now very little I won't eat but I do have a preference for veggie meals and fresh food which was definitely lacking in my day. I survived on sponge and biscuits. :eek:

There was NOTHING anyone could have done to make me eat. Attempts to do so resulted in me being sick on my dinner plate.

However, I did not starve and actually for me, I think my current obsession with food is probably due to my strong feelings about it then (I definitely have a texture thing - took me a while and a graded exposure plan to eat beans with their papery skins and mushy insides and I mostly like a crispy texture at some point). This lead to me now eating any cuisine in the world and enjoying cooking as I am always more comfortable being in control of my food to this day

onlyroz

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

No? So what should we do then? I'm not advocating force-feeding. I'm just saying let them get on with it (or not).

Well exactly. I do think that if a child is classed as "fussy" then on the whole they've been allowed to get this way by their parents.

A child who was geninuely starving would eat whatever they were given. Can you imagine a child in Africa moaning "oh no not rice and beans again mum" and then putting on a pouty face until they were given cakes and ice-cream?

A child who doesn't like what they've been given might refuse to eat it - but they won't starve. I think the worst thing you could do would be to keep presenting the child with new things until they get given something they can eat. I'm not saying that you should never give your child a choice - maybe you can dedicate a day or two each week where they get to help you plan the menu, even if they choose chicken nuggets that day. And I'm not saying you should force your child to eat mushrooms (or whatever) if they genuinely hate them. But as long as you've provided a nutritious meal which is not overly spiced, and as long as your child doesn't have a genuine allergy, there is no reason why they shouldn't be able to eat at least some of most meals.

maman

notanewuser wrote: »

Yes, but you are an adult and the OP's son is a small child, not a mini adult. It doesn't work the same for them as it does for us.

AFAIK children get hungry the same as adults.


There are obvious exceptions (as the menu posted yesterday) but in my experience school meals have improved hugely in recent years. It's not all down to Jamie Oliver but he and others have helped.


This is the sort of thing I've been familiar with
http://www3.hants.gov.uk/hc3s/hc3s-primary/primarymenu.htm


I can understand why maybe Reception meals might be plated up in advance (mainly for speed as they're often served first while the rest of the school waits) but I'm sure cooks would know about veggies or those who preferred not to have ketchup. Many YearR children eat extremely slowly, many need their food cut up for them and a lot of help using cutlery.

notanewuser

onlyroz wrote: »

Well exactly. I do think that if a child is classed as "fussy" then on the whole they've been allowed to get this way by their parents.

A child who was geninuely starving would eat whatever they were given. Can you imagine a child in Africa moaning "oh no not rice and beans again mum" and then putting on a pouty face until they were given cakes and ice-cream?

A child who doesn't like what they've been given might refuse to eat it - but they won't starve. I think the worst thing you could do would be to keep presenting the child with new things until they get given something they can eat. I'm not saying that you should never give your child a choice - maybe you can dedicate a day or two each week where they get to help you plan the menu, even if they choose chicken nuggets that day. And I'm not saying you should force your child to eat mushrooms (or whatever) if they genuinely hate them. But as long as you've provided a nutritious meal which is not overly spiced, and as long as your child doesn't have a genuine allergy, there is no reason why they shouldn't be able to eat at least some of most meals.

As an HR/management consultant I advise companies based on the below process.

ENGAGE

---

> MOTIVATE

---

> MANAGE

If a company concentrates its efforts on ENGAGING it's staff, it needs to do less of the other stuff. Engagement brings big rewards.

People on this thread are coming at this "problem" from the MANAGEMENT end of the process. If you start at the other end the process is not only easier, but you almost remove the need for management, and don't need to make mealtimes a battleground.

DD has been engaged with our food pretty much since she could sit up. She chose what she ate from what we were eating. We didn't baby-fy any of it - no purees etc - so she could recognise tastes and textures of individual foods. From the point she could stand she's been with me in the kitchen in a helper pod, watching and getting involved when she wants to.

That's progressed to her being able to make scrambled egg from scratch, to butter toast, make her own sandwiches, chop vegetables (not finely!). I don't plonk food down in front of her and expect her to eat it. We talk about what options there are for lunch/dinner and that's what's made. It's put in the middle of the table and she chooses what and how much to eat. If she decides not to eat it, that's fine, but if it's because she says she's full she doesn't get anything else. As a result she's far from a fussy eater.

What the school does goes completely counter to this. Because of that, I'm effectively expected to pay for for to be wasted ad infinitum. :mad:

notanewuser

maman wrote: »

AFAIK children get hungry the same as adults.

Children get hungry when they get hungry. Some days they eat barely anything, others they're ravenous and don't stop. As adults we tend to regulate ourselves to 3 meals a day and eat according to the clock rather than our actual hunger. This, in part, is what leads to the millions of £s generated by Weight Watchers and Slimming World in this country (and others). We learn to ignore our body's messages. Children don't and shouldn't follow that rule.

onlyroz

notanewuser wrote: »

DD has been engaged with our food pretty much since she could sit up. She chose what she ate from what we were eating. We didn't baby-fy any of it - no purees etc - so she could recognise tastes and textures of individual foods. From the point she could stand she's been with me in the kitchen in a helper pod, watching and getting involved when she wants to.

Nothing wrong with that - you're providing her with a choice from a limited range. You're not saying "yes dear, I'll cook you whatever you want, and if you throw it on the floor I'll cook something else instead". Getting kids involved in meal preparation is a good idea all round for many various reasons.

Toto

notanewuser wrote: »

DD has been engaged with our food pretty much since she could sit up. She chose what she ate from what we were eating. We didn't baby-fy any of it - no purees etc - so she could recognise tastes and textures of individual foods. From the point she could stand she's been with me in the kitchen in a helper pod, watching and getting involved when she wants to.

That's progressed to her being able to make scrambled egg from scratch, to butter toast, make her own sandwiches, chop vegetables (not finely!). I don't plonk food down in front of her and expect her to eat it. We talk about what options there are for lunch/dinner and that's what's made. It's put in the middle of the table and she chooses what and how much to eat. If she decides not to eat it, that's fine, but if it's because she says she's full she doesn't get anything else. As a result she's far from a fussy eater.

What the school does goes completely counter to this. Because of that, I'm effectively expected to pay for for to be wasted ad infinitum. :mad:

This is exactly the advice I give to families who have children with extreme food issues. It is about involving them in the choice and control over what they are eating so they don't feel the need to throw a wobbly when they're told to eat.


The problem I come up against though is this is much more about re-educating the adults about their food habits than the children. A lot of the work requires the adults getting into the kitchen and begin preparing foods, not opening a packet and pinging it in a microwave. It also requires them to rethink how meals are eaten at home. I advise mealtimes to be quiet, at a table, no phones, no devices of any kind, no TV (this really is an alien idea for some families).


I'm sure there were never so many fussy children until the late 20th century and I don't think that has anything much to do with children and food preferences. I honestly think it's got far more to do with the glut of electronic devices everyone seems to be permanently attached to these days along with a general decline in family meal times.

McKneff

Its all very well having all thus debate but answer me this.


Would any of you honestly eat a plate of something you did not like.


I certainly wouldn't.....