Never felt so dejected.

Crisp_£_note

The job he does seasonally is a carpark marshall at festivals and events around the local country. Its not tough work (I know as I did it myself years ago too) yes it can be tiring when its in full swing of course but the long shifts back to back isnt every week its actually as and when. He has worked for them for some years now which is good for him as he gets offered extra work when their short staffed or leading up to some major festivals as their built up or after on break down helping with traffic relay etc.Its a great job which I do respect him doing theres just 2 points this ear thats not been good and 1 was a 6 week stint and this latest 2 week stint. Its not that I cant cope alone but its the long hours back to back for so long. Its tricky to explain or justify as im sure someone would say how would I manage if he worked a full time proper job or some other work. I have and I would and no hes not my carer either.

His seasonal work is between May to October but he doesnt exactly work that often as a lot of the events he wont drive to as they dont pay his petrol costs so is understandable he picks and chooses the ones within a reasonable distance and this year yes he has taken the caravan along with him as its been a weekend long event and so I accompanied him of a free holiday but I was on my own for the duration of the break as he worked but it was a nice change.

Yes we hit a bad point money wise when my ESA stopped earlier this year but with help from family and friends to bridge a gap we managed and I learnt to rebudget and his mum helps with some bills now too.

The Hudles came from Tesco clubcard vouchers which I traded in.

Back later as his mum is coming round soon to walk the dogs before the feeding frenzy routine begins. And for those of you keeping up to date with that scenario so far I am winning and this time I will carry on rather than it all going to pot when routines returns to normality next week!

Thanks all so far much appreciated

trevorsminted

"To be honest I am and have been for some years sick of living his way or no way but I dont beleive in divorce - we have no kids to be tied up in all this thankfully and hes not physically abusive."


Time to drag yourself out of Martyrdom and get a life, sorry but compromising your whole life to keep someone happy - life is just to short for that nonsense. And if you decide to stay because you don't believe in divorce then the best of luck to you and your daydreaming of a better future!

System

There is a very unpleasant undertone to your posts.

victory

Walcott wrote: »

There is a very unpleasant undertone to your posts.

What kind of unpleasant undertone?

caprikid1

"I don't see any wrong in this, there are five other nights in the week, and everyone needs a release. "

Sorry but the poor girl is trying to budget £12.50 on food a week for both of them and he wants to blow £60 in two sessions down the pub. Probably gets a nice kebab on the way home.

SavingPennies_2

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

I don't see any wrong in this, there are five other nights in the week, and everyone needs a release.

OP it sounds like some resentment is creeping in between you and your OH. I would be devastated if during a silly disagreement my husband suggested a divorce , seemingly out of the blue.

Nothing wrong with him going out to the pub with his mates I didnt meant that, I meant it's not fair if he is only going out with them but never with OP (which is how it sounds). I think they need to spend some time going places togther some times.

However I just read his mum is helping with the bills...oh dear could that be part of the problem? She is helping with the bills then you suggest some weekends away with money you've saved, could that have hit a nerve? I wouldnt feel right going away if I knew someone else was helping me with bills. Not that I'm saying you shouldnt go away or have days out, those things are actually important, can you find things for free to do? Or overhall your finances/sell some stuff... sorry not sure how to solve that one.

moomoomama27

Sounds like a miserable situation all round!

I don't think it's fair to begrudge him 2 evenings out a week, but you need to be able to do that too. If money is tight for that, then a compromise needs reaching, whereas you perhaps split the money and go out one night a week each?

If I can be so bold as to say, it sounds like a complete breakdown in communication has occurred. It's never good when gadgets, forums and internet sites are more appealing than time spent together! Of course all the above have their place, and I understand totally the need for some internet time, but not to the detriment of a relationship!

I would suggest perhaps sitting down, both discussing what's bugging you, both listen and then see if and where compromises can be reached, this could include making allowances within a budget for luxuries or nights out, and being creative with the money and time available to you!

Mojisola

Crisp_£_note wrote: »

He gets a good sleep, im the one who gets up to let him sleep when he snores the house down as I know he works so hard.

There's a difference between having a good sleep and getting up to do another 12 hour day and having a good sleep and waking up knowing that you've got a free day ahead of you.

To be honest I am and have been for some years sick of living his way or no way but I dont beleive in divorce - we have no kids to be tied up in all this thankfully and hes not physically abusive.

If he wants a divorce he can have one there isnt half of anything to give anyway but if he wants one he can go out and do that not me!

So you'd rather carry on "sick of living" the way you are now instead of getting a divorce but you will divorce him if he starts the process?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I'm barely capable of coherent conversation when I get in from work and I only do 8.15 - 4.00. I'm not a morning person and never have been.

As it is, having bunged a washload on as soon as I got in, I've been in the bathroom for about 45 minutes having a shower, etc, as I just can't function without some downtime first. At the weekends, I'll go down to make tea/coffee and spent a good half hour just sitting in silence before going back up with the mugs for the same reason.

If I did twelve hours plus travelling time, rather than just under 8 with a ten minute walk to work, and he wanted to chat about how he wanted to go out more/book holidays/how desperately skint we are/his plans for how to use every penny I've worked so hard for to make his life more pleasant (I know that isn't how you see it, but when you're tired, it can feel like it)/ etc, I'd be wearing earplugs. Fortunately, he understands and doesn't talk much until about 6.30pm. And he asks if I'd like to do something, not say that he deserves it.



Yours may be an unpleasant person, it may be a case of a relationship running its course - or it could simply be the way your ideas were presented that got to him when he's shattered. Something that was easy at 22 can be exhausting or downright impossible at 42, for example. I have no idea how I managed 16 hour work days with two small children in and out of childcare, pets, decorating, housework and everything else a single parent does. I'm fried by Fridays.

BitterAndTwisted

Walcott wrote: »

There is a very unpleasant undertone to your posts.

There is an undertone to the OP's posts but it doesn't sound like unpleasantness to me.


The OP has a degenerative illness, and therefore is unable to work.

Consequently she is reliant on her husband to earn a decent living.

He does seasonal work but the rest of the time he's self-employed but has been struggling to gain enough work to make it justifible yet he won't see sense and close his business.

It sounds like the only face-to-face contact the OP has is with her mother-in-law who pops round daily.

Mix all that up with limited interaction with the person you live with and what do you get?


Now, what sort of undertone would you suggest the foregoing might elicit? My guess would be loneliness and despair.

Please read the OP's posts properly and have a little compassion willya?