Never felt so dejected.

CH27

Crisp_£_note wrote: »

The job he does seasonally is a carpark marshall at festivals and events around the local country. Its not tough work (I know as I did it myself years ago too) yes it can be tiring when its in full swing of course but the long shifts back to back isnt every week its actually as and when. He has worked for them for some years now which is good for him as he gets offered extra work when their short staffed or leading up to some major festivals as their built up or after on break down helping with traffic relay etc.Its a great job which I do respect him doing theres just 2 points this ear thats not been good and 1 was a 6 week stint and this latest 2 week stint. Its not that I cant cope alone but its the long hours back to back for so long. Its tricky to explain or justify as im sure someone would say how would I manage if he worked a full time proper job or some other work. I have and I would and no hes not my carer either.

His seasonal work is between May to October but he doesnt exactly work that often as a lot of the events he wont drive to as they dont pay his petrol costs so is understandable he picks and chooses the ones within a reasonable distance and this year yes he has taken the caravan along with him as its been a weekend long event and so I accompanied him of a free holiday but I was on my own for the duration of the break as he worked but it was a nice change.

Yes we hit a bad point money wise when my ESA stopped earlier this year but with help from family and friends to bridge a gap we managed and I learnt to rebudget and his mum helps with some bills now too.

The Hudles came from Tesco clubcard vouchers which I traded in.

Back later as his mum is coming round soon to walk the dogs before the feeding frenzy routine begins. And for those of you keeping up to date with that scenario so far I am winning and this time I will carry on rather than it all going to pot when routines returns to normality next week!

Thanks all so far much appreciated

Ah! You're the couple with the problem dogs.

Your whole situation sounds like a nightmare. You really need to sit down together & work out how you both want to live going forward.

System

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

There is an undertone to the OP's posts but it doesn't sound like unpleasantness to me.


The OP has a degenerative illness, and therefore is unable to work.

Consequently she is reliant on her husband to earn a decent living.

He does seasonal work but the rest of the time he's self-employed but has been struggling to gain enough work to make it justifible yet he won't see sense and close his business.

It sounds like the only face-to-face contact the OP has is with her mother-in-law who pops round daily.

Mix all that up with limited interaction with the person you live with and what do you get?


Now, what sort of undertone would you suggest the foregoing might elicit? My guess would be loneliness and despair.

Please read the OP's posts properly and have a little compassion willya?

Read properly? I did. The tone of those posts is very unpleasant towards her husband. May be she is justified in that or may be not. However the unpleasantness is an undertone of the relationship as a whole. No solution is going yo be found with hostility on both sides.

Or did you not read properly?

Crisp_£_note

I think some people are missing my point here. I didn't jump at him with the ideas of a holidays and daytrips the conversation came about as an event of him showing me a clip of something on one of his car forums which I entertained and mused him with and didnt ignore him. That led to a short conversation about the weekend away brought up by him which I have booked and I have paid for which he wants to go on but cant afford. It's a weekend for Land Rover enthusiasts and I was explaining the surprise I had booked for us to go offroading whilst we were there!

He couldnt afford to pay for it yet enthused as a new reader of the magazine he reads hasnt spoken about a lot else for the past few days so I thought I would take the opportunity for us both to do something together and booked and paid for the weekend for us with his aproval.

I mentioned the thing about not going to see the Harry Potter studios until the new year and he agreed he didnt want to go see their current exhibition or the Christmas snowy version so we agreed to go in the new year sometime. You see its always all smalltalk and agreements and unless I book and pay for it when theres nothing else going on we end up not going anywhere or doing anything - unless of course he wants to.

He has already booked a weekend which he wanted to go to for a caravanners rally a few weeks later which yes I admit he has paid for himself.

I have discussed with him several times the ideas of day trips and weekends away in his downtime hes been agreeable and fine with it. Although I havent told him about the anniversary surprise but I have mentioned a couple of times in passing conversation these couple months about a car museum and he sounded mildly interested and not against a nosey around someday. So again I thought I would show some enthusiasm in getting us both a weekend or daytrip away together and pay for it. Weve been to car museums several times before on weekends away with his other car forum meet ups. I go as it keeps him happy an well I might as well take the opportunity once a year.

His comments last night were totally out the blue infact they were unnesessary and had absolutely zero context to anything going on right now. Im as supportive and tollerable wife as anyone can be and as loving too kind caring too. I'm no martyr either but yes I put up with it and moan to the dogs and on internet forums!

It's tough not to rely on others when I could easily do so. I haven't been able to go to the supermarket or shop and I have spared the bread for his packed lunches and breakfast and rummaged in the cupboard and made do myself I have given him some cash a few times to get a new loaf,dog food, fish and chips and at the weekend he paid for a pizza delivery but thankfully by Friday I can now afford to order online delivery which will see us and the dogs through.

I just think surely he should know by now he can confide in me for any issues he is having for goodness sakes we've had more than our fair share of lifes downs its time we had a couple of ups come our ways for both of us and then some to share too!

:cool:

purpleshoes_2

Your marriage sounds miserable. Get some counselling, preferably both of you.

Crisp_£_note

:eek: Im so sorry if I sound of an undertone but I think you maybe reading between the lines for things that arnt there. Its often difficult to judge emotions from text. Im amicable and just needed someone to talk to. Im happier now than I was earlier yes and its nice to see there are a couple of people who 'get' my point of perspective. Im not saying im perfect either just needed to vent again not hostile.

Thanks for all the support and comments so far.

FBaby

It sounds to me like either of you are really happy with each other but struggling to admit it to yourself let alone each other. I agree that your posts read like there is much resentment on both parts, which is clearly not healthy.

I would also suggest relate before it is too late as although I expect he mentioned divorce under a state of exhaustion, the fact that he isn't apologising is not baring well.

PasturesNew

Maybe, working away so much, all he really wants to do is chill at home. You, on the other hand, "stuck" at home, dream of getting away.

ecgirl07

Crisp_£_note wrote: »

To be honest I am and have been for some years sick of living his way or no way but I dont beleive in divorce

Life is way too short to live in misery because you "dont believe in divorce".

Id rather be divorced and happy than married and miserable (as a default state)

FBaby

PasturesNew wrote: »

Maybe, working away so much, all he really wants to do is chill at home. You, on the other hand, "stuck" at home, dream of getting away.

I think that sums it up perfectly, but both should be able to appreciate the other's situation and be prepared to compromise. Reading OP's post though, I don't get the feeling that either of them are willing to make that effort.

missbiggles1

Why don't you use some of your PIP money for what it's intended for, to make your life more independent and pleasant rather than sitting round indoors waiting for your husband to come in?