Never felt so dejected.

Crisp_£_note

Hi just feeling a bit hurt and upset and unsure how to handle the situation.

It's probably just me hanging onto an emotion and being silly really and husbands probably not meant it and forgotten all about it ....

He's been working 12 hour shifts for past week and has another 7 days to go. I'm caring for the dogs as usual and being a lazy housewife as usual!

I started talking to him last night about plans for a couple of weekends away and days out here and there over the winter months (he kinda works a seasonal job). When I was getting a little excited about the ideas he suddenly snaps at me saying "ok and who's going to fund all these things as they will all cost money plus there's the expense of getting there!"

Now I know in the winter times get a bit tougher for us too but in the summer he still pays for very little towards the household bills and food etc which I pay for. I've also been saving especially hard this year so we can enjoy some time together for a change rather than being stuck indoors on the sofa watching TV and surfing on-line every day as would usually do. I've manage to save as hes been working more this season so I haven't seen much of him.

I haven't planned many trips and have made it fair that there are things he will enjoy and things we will both enjoy (rather than just stuff only I would like to do)!

Anyway all I said back was "well I would like to live a little than being stuck indoors all my life"

To which his response was "you can go and divorce me if you rather that might help!" :eek:

Well I shut up for the rest of the evening as I was so shocked and to be honest it has burst my bubble of happiness and I am hoping it wont start off another bout of depression or bring on SAD early as my life is hard enough to cope with at times.

I am still obviously upset about it I suspect he hasn't given it another thought, just a flippant comment to him a remark which he didn't really mean at the time!

To me though I don't know how to take it. I haven't left to go stay with my Mum in Wales yet i'm so tempted. Today I have carried on as normal done his washing looked after the dogs etc. Felt that I should have left it maybe he might see how much I do do and do care if it mounted up.

He hasn't left me a note or even txt me to say sorry and he didnt mean it. I was going to pay for the travel as well anyway, or at least share the cost or offer naturally.

Last week I booked us a weekend away at the end of the month at a car-club meetup as he saw it in one of his car magazines.

He's booked for us to go away in October to the caravan convention he likes to go to each year.


I only had a couple of things planned like a trip to a motor museum for our anniversary (14 years) before Christmas (prob Nov) and Harry Potter World in the new Year (as we dont fancy any of the things for events scheduled they have planned pre Christmas).

So what do I do now and expect next? :mad:

Thanks in advance!

Mojisola

Crisp_£_note wrote: »

To which his response was "you can go and divorce me if you rather that might help!"

That seems like an 'out of proportion' response for what you were talking about. Time for a serious talk with him about what he's feeling.

Buzzybee90

I'm a little bit confused how you say you're paying for stuff if you're a housewife?

Sounds like he's snapped under the pressure.

tomtontom

OP, please read through your previous threads and see how poorly your husband treats you. This is far from a one off event, you need to make some changes before your life will get any better.

Georgiegirl256

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

I'm a little bit confused how you say you're paying for stuff if you're a housewife?

Sounds like he's snapped under the pressure.

Yes, I was wondering that too?

It does sound like your OH is under a lot of pressure OP. I know when my husband us working long shifts and things are stressful at work, all he wants to do on his days off sometimes is have a day in now and again. He's probably abit overwhelmed at all the things you're planning and thinks you're getting carried away with yourself.

[Deleted User]

He's worried about stuff he's not talking to you about. Probably money

BitterAndTwisted

"Now I know in the winter times get a bit tougher for us too but in the summer he still pays for very little towards the household bills and food etc which I pay for"

What with?


He's been working 12 hour days and till has 7 days to go. I'm not sure I'd have the mental energy to listen to someone else making exciting plans for me if I were in the same situation. I think I'd just want a bit of peace and quiet to try and recharge my batteries.

pollypenny

I think he may well be worried about money and the winter, too.

He must also be exhausted.

lika_86

I haven't read any of your other threads but other than terrible timing, I think your mistake was your response. Rather than responding 'well, I've been saving and have X amount so I thought we could have a cheap weekend away to X', you responded in a way which seems to put this on him to pay for your holiday whims.

Like others I'm curious about how you've 'saved' this money when it doesn't sound like you're working and why your finances are quite so separate (I'm not necessarily an 'all in one pot' kind of person but the way you write about it makes it seem like you aren't joined up enough to work together to budget and plan).

Stopping doing the housework is irrelevant to this argument which is about finances, not whether you're making an equal contribution.

19lottie82

OP, I think your OH is just stressed at work after doing a load of 12hr shifts back to back, and maybe he is worrying about money too. If so you suggesting things that cost money, prob won't have helped, which is why he snapped.

Not an excuse, but it could be an explanation.

He shouldn't have said what he did, but I think you have overreacted and are over thinking things.

Speak to him about how you feel.

[Deleted User]

19lottie82 wrote: »

Speak to him about how you feel.

Ah yes, men are well known for wanting to listen to their wifes after working 12 hour shifts... Ask him if he's ok, what's up. Leave him alone if he wants to be left alone. He probably wants to talk but doesn't do so.

Whatever you do, don't wait for him to get home and 'tell him how you are feeling'.

My wife always wants to vent about work after a 12 1/2 shift - I know to just nod and "hmm yes dear" for a while