Some Mothers - Please advise before I go crazy

Yorkshire-Lady_3

Have you rung the list of childminders in your area??
All you need is one who has space for the days you need short term.
Maybe you'll have to travel further than you'd wish to drop her off/pick her up ech day, but surely that would be worth it?
Dont forget that children are also going away on holidays - so their space at the childminders could be free that week.

Worth a try.

Sally

poppyscorner

Hi,

I just wanted to say you have my sympathies I posted something similar here last week my return to work after the baby was this week MIL had offered months ago to watch the kids (eldest starts school in September) I am working two days a week I did thursday and today I dropped my hours at her request she said she would manage fine for 2 days she looked after eldest when he was a baby and did a great job she really brought him on and he knew loads of stuff like colours numbers etc early and I was really appreciative but my kids arent the favourites at all and the favourite gets taken away on day trips holidays etc but anyway she offered and then Monday this week she says she cant watch him luckily my parents had a day off together and they did it without question thing is both my parents work FT and although they would love more time with the kids they cant.
The point was that I was looking for childcare and she said she would do it I asked repeatedly was she sure to which her reply was always yes to me why say it if you don't mean it and because I dropped hours at her request and I am a shift worker I cant get tax credits to cover shifts as they would have to be FT childcare to be paid for and as my hours are only 25 a week they wont cover that I work NHS and cant choose my shifts or work set days (family friendly policy says you can but in reality it is impossible).
I can really understand why you are annoyed because if she didnt mean it she should never have agreed and you could have sorted something else out I had similar replies saying that I cannot expect her to keep her weeks clear for me.

Sorry I cannot be of much help just wanted you to know you are not alone
Poppy x

Merlot

Bettyboop, as a mother of children who has worked previously full-time for some considerable time, I found the school holidays a large headache, considering the children have approx 13 weeks off school a year, I don't have any family around, my family live 200 miles away and OH family 500 miles away, I would of never called my mother and asked if she could mind one of my children for a week, as some posters have already mentioned, your mother has done her mothering and it is her time now to enjoy, I am not saying your mother isn't partially to blame, she should have told you her plans from the start.

I know the above is of no help whatsoever, but what I am trying to say is don't rely on anyone other than childminders/nurseries to look after your children, or do as I did and give up work, sold one of the cars and I visit the OS board for money saving tips, I have never regretted it and we have cut our cloth and we are all much happier now, (I know this advice won't go down well with some, but don't think you can't manage on one salary cause anything is possible if one puts ones mind to it!)

I wish you luck in sorting out your childcare, it can be a real headache!

Merlot

Elle00

Come school holidays, I know it can be hard but if you book far enough in advance there are places. But the problem is that you DID "book in advance" really isn't it? And now it's a bit on the late side to make alternative arrangements.

If I was you, I would find an alternative before burning bridges but yep, I would then douse that particular bridge in lighter fluid and sit there flicking matches at it. Okay, bit drastic maybe, but yes I would try to make alternative arrangements and then say "thanks but no thanks". Why would you want a woman who hardly knows her own grandchild to care for her anyway?

My parents are rubbish, even my Dad most of the time though I love him because his heart is in the right place unlike my mother (don't think she has one actually).

As for my ex and his parents, they let me down several times and didn't even care for DS very well so after I told ex-in-laws I didn't want to rely on them for childcare and then the police asked the ex to keep his fists to himself - the lot of them cut DS off 6 or 7wks ago now.

When all was said and done I realised there was an important question I needed to ask myself: Who's responsibility is childcare and what is best for my DS? I was putting myself first in wanting to work full-time and wanting my not-terribly-good-at-being-a-Dad ex to be more involved so I could enjoy some freedom. I had to take stock and start accepting that when all was said and done, the buck stopped with me and it was my responsibility to put my DS first regardless of what everyone else was doing.

If my new childminder and I had to part ways for whatever reason and I couldn't find someone as good as her then I would stop working until I could find the right person. I realise I have to just accept the tough times sometimes and try to remain positive throughout them. Well, that and I've set up an ISA just in case!

It's never too late to re-train for an alternative profession you know; mobile hairdresser, Ann Summers party host, home book-keeper etc. I'm hoping to study book-keeping in the near future deliberately so I have a "back-up" for if/when childcare lets me down later down the line. There's always night shifts at the big supermarkets for those who have a partner at home; you can often do 3 or 4hrs shifts of a night and get paid a night premium making it worthwhile. There's seasonal work in factories too, especially at Christmas and often at Valentines and Easter too.

Honestly Betty, I say this all with the best of intentions; stop putting so much faith in other people and try to find a solution without having to rely on others so much. You just don't have a good support network around you at the moment and whilst I know myself how tough that can be - I also try to remember that there are others much worse off than I am and I just have to get on and work with what I've got. Most of us get angry sometimes at how hard life can be, I know I do! But you've got such a good head on your shoulders and such a level of determination to sort things out so you can have your own career that I'm sure if you just take the time to take stock and de-stress a bit you'll get there in the end. Rome wasn't built in a day