Some Mothers - Please advise before I go crazy

Bettyboop

Hi everyone,

One word for describing my life is a rollercoaster! I well and truely need some advice about a problem that is about to occur.

My little girl finishes preschool on Friday : ( and like most schools they will be closed for the next 6weeks! I asked my mother more than a month ago if she would like to look after her grandaughter for a week. I said that she could of course stay with us and also couldn't find any other form of childcare! Well without sounding like I am a cow she is trying to find ways to get back to Wales were she lives sooner than we had agreed! Although she says she can stay the week she needs to go home on Friday as she has a Saturday night meeting and dinner at work and then went onto say that she can't do everything she needs to at home on a Sunday night!. My brother who is turning 18 will be staying home but she treats him like a baby. Surely, as a parent she lays down the rules and should say when I get back I want to find the house as I left it etc! She has lied to me many times and I feel this is another. She also doesn't drive so my "husband " is going to fetch her on Saturday or Sunday.

She hardly knows my daughter and is always wrapped up in her own life and dramas with family that side. I am so upset that I feel like telling her not to bother but from my employer's perspective they would probably fire me for asking for a weeks unpaid leave at such short notice! What do I do?

I made her aware atleast 4 weeks ago that we would take her home on the Sunday as I have already accepted two party invitations and booked tickets for the upcoming Tweenies show. They cost me £24.oo so I'm not going to flush them down the loo. I hope this is all making sense. My husband and I are not talking but she wants to me ask him to take her home on Friday. I have seen and met some lovely grandmothers who cherish the time they have with there grandkids but she has never been like that. My daughter sees that lady at a Church Playgroup as a granny. She really is lovely and if I could adopt her for such an important post I definitely would : ).

I don't want to write a novel but if you were me what would you do? I can tell in her voice that she would rather be doing other things. She hasn't even got here and is already thinking about what she can do when she gets back. Part of me wants to say, I don't need you to come anymore!

PLEASE HELP.

Curious_George_2

sorry to hear your mother is a pain (join the club!)
maybe you should think about warning your emplyers asap that you might not be able to make it... after all there isnt a lot you can do about it, and most work places understand that us parents are not always the most reliable (yeah i know... we are not supposed to admit it, but its true!)

I never had a nice grandmother either and i would have loved one, so maybe adopting your friend would be fun!

sorry i cant be more help, but ive kind of been in your situation and have yet to find a way out myself,

Js_Other_Half

Is there anyone else who could fill in even for a couple of days? I'm on maternity leave and have helped friends out with childcare emergencies on occasion. Or ask at your local college if any of the students on childcare placements want to earn some cash?

You really don't want your Mum to care for your daughter - and by the sound of it she'd hold it over your heads in the future?

bylromarha

Parents eh? Who'd have em?! :rolleyes:

My mum likes to feel very wanted and she huffs and puffs about a lot of stuff she's volunteered herself for, changes her mind about it and whinges all through.

But that's who she is and we've just learnt how to deal with her over the years.

the situation you're describing sounds like something my mum would do. I'd have to say to her

look mum, you said sunday, all our plans are made until sunday, it's too late now for you to change your mind. I'm sorry if you don't like it, but you'll be letting us down in a huge way and will probably get me into trouble at work if you decide at this late date that you need to travel back early on the Friday train as we certainly haven't got time to squeeze in a lift home either.

Sounds harsh, but it's my mums way of feeling wanted...don't understand it myself, but hey ho, that's life!

magentadreamer

Your mother is offering to look after your daughter during the week while your at work, your husband and yourself aren't speaking, you've accepted invites to parties etc so can't take her back till the Sunday, you'd rather the old lady at playgroup was your daughters gran - I'm not suprised she wants to bail out on the friday!

balmaiden

Sorry that your having problems, but a point of view from the other side of the fence. I am a Grandmother of 3 and I love them dearly,but, I do wish I didnt get asked to look after them so much.

I consider having brought my own children up that it is my time now.

Selfish? maybe.

Spendless

I'm getting tired and might have missed it but why does it matter if she goes home on Friday rather than Sunday. Do you work w/ends-is that what the problem is. If your 'husband' is taking her why will you miss the Tweenies?

misty

Bettyboop wrote: »

I have seen and met some lovely grandmothers who cherish the time they have with there grandkids but she has never been like that. My daughter sees that lady at a Church Playgroup as a granny. She really is lovely and if I could adopt her for such an important post I definitely would : )..

Not much use in the short term but talking about adopting a granny made me remember an article in a magazine or newspaper about such a scheme. I found this with a quick google search and I'm not in anyway advertising it ir suggesting it is good ut it amy give you an idea. Your local library might have some info for schemes in your area.

http://www.adopt-a-granny.co.uk

shazrobo

why would you think that your mum has to look after your daughter?
i don't work as i am a full time stay at home mum, no choice really, cant expect my mum to have my sons, and no its not easy living on benefits, but have no choice, my parents did there bit bringing up me and my sister, now its there time to enjoy themselves now they have retired.
does not make them bad granparents they adore my sons, and see them most months for a couple hours

whitewing

Bettyboop, I understand your frustrations. A few years ago, I lived a couple of hours away from my family. When my childcarer let me down at short notice my mum came up to stay and take my son to school. I can remember really wanting to scream on the Monday morning when my mum decided that she'd fainted because she'd hurt her back the night before, suffered in silence all evening and thro the night, not said a word until I was just about to leave for work...If she'd've told me when it had happened, then we could have got her sorted out without so much stress and rearrangement. I know lots of grannies out there will think I'm inhuman but it is SO hard to balance working and childcare, especially as a single parent when every decision and action is down to you. I don't have issues with how much or how little people are prepared to help us, all I ask is that they're honest and once they make a commitment, then they stick to it.

TheWaltons_3

Same here, my Mum isn't interested in the kids one little bit, and nor is the MIL.

It is really frustrating and upsetting, and it just upsets me for the childrens sakes. We've always coped alone and always will.

Can you afford emergency childcarE?