Some Mothers - Please advise before I go crazy

seven-day-weekend

balmaiden wrote: »

Sorry that your having problems, but a point of view from the other side of the fence. I am a Grandmother of 3 and I love them dearly,but, I do wish I didnt get asked to look after them so much.

I consider having brought my own children up that it is my time now.

Selfish? maybe.

Agree absolutely. Although I do not yet have any grandchildren, I would not want to look after them for very long, I've done my time, now it's someone else's turn.

I don't see why your mum should look after them for a week if she doesn't want to. She probably WOULD 'rather be doing other things'.

Bettyboop

Well I must say some posters hit the nail on the head and others have gone way of the train track! The point isI told her about the problem weeks ago and she has never taken an interest in my daughter and this may have been a time to get to know her properly. Yes, it certainly feels like she would rather be doing other things but she only changed her mind yesterday! That leaves me kind of in the lurch at this late notice. I suppose as most people have said never rely on others but I really thought this time she would stick to it. I was very wrong and the way some grandmothers make it sound that Oh I have had my turn it's someone elses...my mother hasn't ever looked after her. Some make it sound like I asked her to go to the moon and back. It really breaks my heart that she shows no interest in us and calls mainly when she needs something. I used to call her often but try not to now because she is always roping me into the family problems......they are like a seen from Eastenders! We live 3 hours away and I don't like being involved in it all.

Spendless I think you missed the point entirely, I was just saying that arrangements for then were made ages ago.....and she probably wont want to be in the car with him alone as they don't talk.....she also said this. So, I can't go with because the Tweenies Show was booked 2 months ago! As mentioned she can't drive but she also refused to get the train because it costs to much. I will figure out what to do.

Sharifa_2

Can your husband take her home Friday night, and you try and make other arrangements for Saturday? I know it's a 3 hour drive and he'll be tired, but it's one option for getting her home; the other option is to offer a 6am start on the Saturday so she's home for 9am. It's not ideal but it might mean at least she's there during your working week, and only your Saturday social arrangements are affected.

code-a-holic

Hmmmm - i always moan about the lack of help/interest i get from my mother with my 3 children. But when it comes down to it why should she - my children, my responsibility. She's finished the mothering for her life! But i still really feel quite bitter that she dosnt help out like friends mothers do. I have 3 under 5 so would love a few hours of babysitting. We went 2 years withoutna babysitter the once. But dring my first sons, first 9 months she didnt look after him 3 hrs, 2 days a week while i was at work.
You can't force anyone to do something they want to do. Maybe you should look at it as being really greatful she will babysit for the working week as it would save you a lot of money and hassle.

Yorkshire-Lady_3

You say that your mum has never shown any interest in your daughter.....So why on earth would you want her to care for her, other than you'd get a weeks free childcare?
Your mum too has a life, and she should not be slated for wanting to enjoy it.
Search for a good childminder, and you may get up to 70% of the fee's paid.

liney

My father takes next to no interest in my son; he probably sees him for an hour or 2 every couple of months. His loss.

Your mom is putting herself out for you by staying for the wee, so if the only reason she wont go back onthe train is the cost, and you don't want the kids to miss the Tweenies, then i suggest the only fair way to everyone is to pay for her train ticket leaving you both to do as you wish for the weekend. If you can't afford that, then you should drive back Friday as she wants (cant you have half day holiday?) as she is the one doing you the favor, she shouldn't miss out.

System

I am a grandmother to 2 super little boys. I dont see them very often but i do love them dearly. I would be horrified at the thought of looking after them for the whole week.

What would have you have done for childcare if your mother had said no from the start? You clearly said she was your only option which hardly seems fair to me.

I also have am 18 year old lad and i wouldnt be comfortable leaving him at home for a week. I tried it once, and mithered myself silly about it and this year he is coming with us.

melg1973

I am trying for a baby at the moment and am hoping if/when it happens that my mum will do maybe do a day a fortnight and the MIL the same. Daren't ask any more than that (and may not even get that) as they seem to think like some of the above 'I've done my bit'. I can see where they are coming from but then several of my friends have mothers who have their babies 5 days a week and love it/volunteered for it so it makes you sort of feel that yours doesn't care. It was different in their day, they didn't have this sort of problem as mothers didn't tend to go back to work whereas we feel we have to/the mortgage means we have to?

abbecer

What is your job?? Could you not work from home for the week?? Or work when your husband is home? Could you offer to work extra hours in the run up to the week that is causing the problem so that you could have some flexi time? If you give us an idea what you do then it may be easier to advise.

Rebecca x

[Deleted User]

I think your mum is feeling rather used

and I`m speaking as someone who has volunteered to look after my new grandson 5 days a week from january and it will be my pleasure, but there is a fine line between that and taking advantage and your line was crossed