Bowel cancer, stoma, illestomy bags, my journey with my fathers illness

mum2one

jewelly wrote: »

Have you looked on beatingbowelcancer.org/forum/

Lots of support and advice on there.

Wishing you all the best.

Thank u, will have a look unfortunately as he has lost all his large bowel, this is in the small and the lung - unfortunately it's one that's going to beat us in the long run.

mum2one

I know after Xmas etc he's going to explain to the fAmily I know he doesn't mean to but it just puts me in a difficult position.

This morning I had to phone the doctors for him - explaining about his mess (needed one changing) there checking there records - then u get the ah moment - Sod's law my daughter comes into the bedroom where's me socks - I thought she had left for school - no she was running late - I hadn't got the phone on loud speaker - I do 90% of the time.... I feel like I'm having an illicit affair x

margaretclare

Why does he feel he can't tell his wife? Isn't she the person closest to him, the one most involved/affected? She's not 'family', she's nearest and dearest!

teddysmum

mum2one wrote: »

I know after Xmas etc he's going to explain to the fAmily I know he doesn't mean to but it just puts me in a difficult position.

This morning I had to phone the doctors for him - explaining about his mess (needed one changing) there checking there records - then u get the ah moment - Sod's law my daughter comes into the bedroom where's me socks - I thought she had left for school - no she was running late - I hadn't got the phone on loud speaker - I do 90% of the time.... I feel like I'm having an illicit affair x

I'm sorry to read your news and do know how you feel about being forced to keep a secret, but in my instances it was the sick person who was not supposed to know.


This was some years ago, but a friend's wife had a brain tumour and he insisted that though friends and relatives visit, no one was to tell her the truth. It was very unpleasant and needless, as, later, she told him she had known all along, but decided not to tell him.


Similarly, my mum had lung cancer and my dad forbade us to tell her. However, I think there was a double blank, where she knew but forbade him to tell us. She did know, as when I asked if she would like to be a granny, she said it was too late and shammed sleep.

mum2one

margaretclare wrote: »

Why does he feel he can't tell his wife? Isn't she the person closest to him, the one most involved/affected? She's not 'family', she's nearest and dearest!

to be honest thats a fair point, he will tell her in time, just she won't / can't cope and while there so many unanswered questions at the mo, we can't give her the info / reassurance.

When I went in with him for his blood transfusion she was in pieces, that before this news.

also theres my daughter to take into account, her own father has never been in her life - so dad has been dad/grandad to her, just want a normal xmas before we face reality x

luxor4t

Your posts helped me when my father first had his stoma; I will be thinking of you and your family.


My father chose not to tell my 82 year old mother one or two things (I don't know what, either)- he saw it as protecting her.

mum2one

luxor4t wrote: »

Your posts helped me when my father first had his stoma; I will be thinking of you and your family.


My father chose not to tell my 82 year old mother one or two things (I don't know what, either)- he saw it as protecting her.

Thank u, xx

fed_up_and_stressed

Sorry to hear that the update was not better news for you and your dad mum2one xx

mum2one

It may sound daft, but I am so glad for this thread, gives me chance to think aloud, and be able to say what I feel / think / track whats happening...

Todays update..

Had calls from oncology - he has to go for a blood test on Friday, they've pushed through the biospy he's going next week, at the mo we dont know whether he has to stay overnight or not...

His meds - one of his normal meds has a side effect of internal bleeding, bless her heart our GP has been amazing, I spoke to her on the phone yesterday and she sorted out a new mediciation today (high blood pressure), so he goes back in 3 weeks for touch base / review blood pressure with her.

Its trying to get everything sorted - as now got my under hospital, they want her to daily next week for check up.... just a nightmare sorting it.

getting there

mum2one

We have conformation for the biospy it's Tuesday as he has an early appointment and allowing 6 hrs bedrest they booked him in the day unit area -be home by early evening x