Dating (particually web) & not wanting children

SanguineSteve

DUTR wrote: »

Remember don't depend on the site, it's just another avenue for meeting.

For sure.

It's just one of the tools in the arsenal. Tbh, I don't see why anyone wouldn't. It's an opportunity to meet people you might otherwise never be in the same room as.

VestanPance

I would imagine most if not all dating websites would allow you to filter out any women who already have kids and most should have some filter about your intention of having them in the future. A couple of minutes setting those in your profile should remove anyone from your search who already has kids or who wants them.

On the flip side as a couple of others have mentioned the later into your 30's you get your dating pool will shrink dramatically for meeting women who either don't already have kids or who don't want them. Might not be so bad if you're in your early 30's, but add a few years and a large section of single people your age will be people with kids from previous relationships.

SanguineSteve

Yeah, I know this is true. But, I don't wish to compromise my lifestyle that significantly just for the sake of being with someone.

I don't want children of my own, let alone someone elses!

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh to some people, but it is what it is. It's undesirable to me. Judge if you wish. I wouldn't dismiss it out of hand as someone I meet in life could knock me off my feet AND have kids. But, surely the boon of internet dating is that you CAN be that brutal in your filtering?

VestanPance

Sounds fair enough to me. I think it's a fair call if you don't want children of your own then being involved in raising someone else's isn't going to be something you'd be looking to do.

southoftheriver

SanguineSteve wrote: »

Yeah, I know this is true. But, I don't wish to compromise my lifestyle that significantly just for the sake of being with someone.

I don't want children of my own, let alone someone elses!

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh to some people, but it is what it is. It's undesirable to me. Judge if you wish. I wouldn't dismiss it out of hand as someone I meet in life could knock me off my feet AND have kids. But, surely the boon of internet dating is that you CAN be that brutal in your filtering?

It's not harsh, its true. I want children and never would have dated someone who didn't, so even a first date would have been a waste of time. Agree about phrasing it differently but nothing wrong with honesty.

FBaby

Online dating is a minefield anyway so I wouldn't judge your chances of finding the right one on the basis that you are limiting yourself by being honest about it. Ultimately if that's how you feel then it is better to make it clear from the start rather than going on more dates leading to nothing because yoy won't be compatible on this basis.

Person_one

southoftheriver wrote: »

It's not harsh, its true. I want children and never would have dated someone who didn't, so even a first date would have been a waste of time. Agree about phrasing it differently but nothing wrong with honesty.

Absolutely, nothing wrong at all with being clear on what is a dealbreaker for you. There's no obligation to be 'fair' about who you date, and it's not as though it's compulsory to end up with someone, anyone, even if they're not right for you.

I don't even date men who have cats! :rotfl:

Gloomendoom

Person_one wrote: »

I don't even date men who have cats! :rotfl:

I told my now wife that my cat and I came as a package. Take it, or leave it.

Gloomendoom

SanguineSteve wrote: »

Yeah, I know this is true. But, I don't wish to compromise my lifestyle that significantly just for the sake of being with someone.

I don't want children of my own, let alone someone elses!

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh to some people, but it is what it is. It's undesirable to me. Judge if you wish. I wouldn't dismiss it out of hand as someone I meet in life could knock me off my feet AND have kids. But, surely the boon of internet dating is that you CAN be that brutal in your filtering?

There are people out there that will suit. My wife and I are child free (by choice.) However, we didn't actually come to that decision until we had been married a couple of years. My wife had always assumed that she wanted children but, when it came down to the nitty gritty, realised that she really didn't.

moneyistooshorttomention

Lily-Rose wrote: »

I know a man who hates kids, and doesn't want them, he wants a woman who is size 10 or less, who doesn't smoke, and she must not drink alcohol, and she must not eat meat.

Unsurprisingly, he is single at 36, and had only had 2 relationships that lasted longer than 3 months in the last ten years. (Both lasted approx 6 months each.)

.

Yep....I'd struggle with the not drinking alcohol part of that:rotfl:

On another note..I think it would be a useful exercise for OP to conduct a poll specifically to ascertain what proportion of people (of both sexes) actively want children.

I'd divide it into 2 columns, one each for men and women and my questions would be:

Do you want children?
- yes...Actively want
- I've always assumed I would have them one day
- would consider if it was really important to partner, though I don't want them myself
- I'm not having them ever. End of.