Dating (particually web) & not wanting children

newcook

To be honest, if a guy has clicked on ‘does not want kids’ or states on his profile that he doesn’t want children, I wouldn’t reply or send a first message – mainly because I DO want kids so its pointless me dating someone who has a different opinion on such a life-changing thing as if we were to hit it off it will only end in heartbreak sooner or later.
My housemate on the other hand though doesn’t want kids and will only date men who don’t want children and don’t have children!

I agree with the_alchemist and that you should put it on your profile but put it in a quirky way! Would you consider dating a woman who already has children?! If so, you could say that while you like children and would date someone who already has them you don’t want to have any yourself!

Also, if you are adamant that you don’t ever want to have children, get a vasectomy – there are women out there who will lie and say they don’t want children as they want to date you but a few months later they ‘accidentally’ forget to take their pill or blame it on antibiotics. You are then a father whether you like it or not!

SanguineSteve

Sage advice. Cheers.

I'll drop the disclaimer. Bit of a barrier. Hopefully the last gal was just a bit of a mentalist. I'm scarred!

There is the toggle of 'wants children/doesn't want children', so I guess i'll just leave it at that.

I do agree with Monkey's 'wedding goggles' to some extent. I had a date a while back where I felt I was being pumped for information of my qualifications and lineage. I got fed up after 45minutes and made my excuses but she seemed overly keen to secure a 2nd chance to grill me!

We shall soldier on!

SanguineSteve

newcook wrote: »

Also, if you are adamant that you don’t ever want to have children, get a vasectomy

It's certainly been considered, but the inner caveman isn't keen. Might have to put him in his place though.

Definitely not keen on ladies with children already, I'm afraid. I can only deal with friends kids for about an hour before I need to get away.

InsideInsurance

SanguineSteve wrote: »

There is the toggle of 'wants children/doesn't want children', so I guess i'll just leave it at that.

Its also a thing to check on their profile. Not everyone goes through these things with a fine tooth comb and so they may message despite them saying they want kids and you dont.

newcook

SanguineSteve wrote: »

It's certainly been considered, but the inner caveman isn't keen. Might have to put him in his place though.

Definitely not keen on ladies with children already, I'm afraid. I can only deal with friends kids for about an hour before I need to get away.

Then if that’s the case I would certainly be putting the inner caveman in his place!! Better to be firing blanks than having a child you don’t want!

WeAreGhosts

aroomofonesown wrote: »

I'm in my 30's and I'll be honest, I'd not message you lol!

I would ... y'know, if i were doing that sort of thing, cos i won't be having kids

i am sure there ARE women out there who do not want kids who would want a man to be sure they didnt either so you have less chance of them changing their minds after they're married.

i think if you are totally definite about not wanting children then it would probably be good to mention it in your profile , but not in the way you have done.

i think a lot of women see the 'i don't want kids' option ticked and they think they could talk you round and change your mind ... well, that is what keeps happening to a friend of mine.

Lone_Northern_Lass

SanguineSteve wrote: »

Hopefully the last gal was just a bit of a mentalist. I'm scarred!

It does sound like the last girl you met was more at fault than you were in terms of how badly the date went. When you mentioned not wanting kids, she could have told you politely that this was a deal-breaker for her so it would have to be a thanks-but-no-thanks situation in terms of future dates. In my opinion, her suggestion that people who don't want children shouldn't / don't need to go dating is insensitive and offensive - she seems to have been suggesting that childfree people have no right to want, or to try to obtain, romantic relationships - which is just plain wrong!

shoe*diva79

I have a dating profile which states I do no want children on a drop down thingy. But i have also selected that I have children on another drop down. I just dont want any more so anyone that contacts me needs to either have kids already or have none and want none.

It wouldn't put me off contacting you, I think its best to be upfront and honest, why waste time on a date if its doomed before it began over child preferences!

Person_one

SanguineSteve wrote: »

Sage advice. Cheers.

I'll drop the disclaimer. Bit of a barrier. Hopefully the last gal was just a bit of a mentalist. I'm scarred!

There is the toggle of 'wants children/doesn't want children', so I guess i'll just leave it at that.

I do agree with Monkey's 'wedding goggles' to some extent. I had a date a while back where I felt I was being pumped for information of my qualifications and lineage. I got fed up after 45minutes and made my excuses but she seemed overly keen to secure a 2nd chance to grill me!

We shall soldier on!

Don't fall for the ridiculous idea that women are all desperate to drag a man up the aisle, any man. It's just not true, and it's a really offputting attitude.

krlyr

WeAreGhosts wrote: »

I would ... y'know, if i were doing that sort of thing, cos i won't be having kids

Ditto. Never wanted kids (or marriage, to be honest) so it would be a sticking point if a man I dated did. I don't think I specified it in my profile though, I think I just got very fortunate enough that the guy I met (and am still happily with 5 years on) didn't want either of those too!