Dating (particually web) & not wanting children

PlymouthMaid

I don't see anything wrong on stating it upfront if you are adamant but it will obviously affect your 'hit rate' hugely as the majority of women do want children one day.

Turtle

If I was single I'd be glad to meet a man that didn't want children, as I don't, but I agree the way you've worded it isn't quite right and think the 'happily childfree' approach sounds less offputting. As it is, I consider myself very lucky to have married a man who doesn't want any either.

moneyistooshorttomention

InsideInsurance wrote: »

Its also a thing to check on their profile. Not everyone goes through these things with a fine tooth comb and so they may message despite them saying they want kids and you dont.

Very true.

In a very different context indeed but when I took in lodgers (years back now) I always used to put that it was a "no smoking" house in my advert.

Somehow, I still got smokers turning up and sometimes taking the room and then trying to inflict their smoking on me.

After a while I realised that I should have been a little more "sideways on" about that and specifically not put "no smokers" and just offered them a fag and waited to see what the reaction was.

People do have a tendency to ignore the bits they don't wish to see and just try and impose what they want was the lesson I learnt from that and I expect it applies to trying to date women who want children too.

Maybe "belt and braces" might be the way forward, as in put "child free" (suitably phrased) in the advert, but still bring the conversation round to "to have or not to have children" topic at some point fairly early on and wait and see what the reaction is and then you can judge whether they are wasting your time hoping to convert you later.

ellahenderson

you have to telll your partner that you do not want children right now im sure people understand

ciderwithrosie_2

There'll surely be lots of women of a similar age to you with children, that are dating again, so it kind of narrows your field somewhat. I had 3 children by the age of 30. Your message was kind of passive aggressive and most would probably read into 'don't waste your time' as 'don't waste MY time'.

DUTR

SanguineSteve wrote: »

Sage advice. Cheers.

I'll drop the disclaimer. Bit of a barrier. Hopefully the last gal was just a bit of a mentalist. I'm scarred!

There is the toggle of 'wants children/doesn't want children', so I guess i'll just leave it at that.

I do agree with Monkey's 'wedding goggles' to some extent. I had a date a while back where I felt I was being pumped for information of my qualifications and lineage. I got fed up after 45minutes and made my excuses but she seemed overly keen to secure a 2nd chance to grill me!

We shall soldier on!

Leave the disclaimer there if you wish, I have a similar disclaimer on my profile, and still get hits, (not dates though) I have had dates, and yes I understand about the 'interview' thing. Trouble is, it is up to two people not just the one on if you click or not. On the whole I just want the occasional date (no ONS) , but I'm a few years older so looking for someone a little more 'established' .
Remember don't depend on the site, it's just another avenue for meeting.

Lily-Rose_3

Yep I think that the *disclaimer* 'don't waste your time' is really off-putting.

You really do genuinely need a woman who does not want children. Unfortunately for you, most women do. And then you have to hope that there is a suitable woman (for you) in the minority that do not want children.

I know a man who hates kids, and doesn't want them, he wants a woman who is size 10 or less, who doesn't smoke, and she must not drink alcohol, and she must not eat meat.

Unsurprisingly, he is single at 36, and had only had 2 relationships that lasted longer than 3 months in the last ten years. (Both lasted approx 6 months each.)

And as ciderwithrosie said; you saying 'don't waste your time,' could be construed as 'don't waste MY time.'

I know we are all different, but I would never have entertained a man who made one of his first statements 'I never want kids, so don't ever bug me about it.' I would show him the door tbh. It doesn't make you sound appealing at all. As you can see on here, even a woman who doesn't want kids, may be put off by that attitude.

I would go along with the poster who said put 'childfree and loving it' or something similar.

SanguineSteve

Person_one wrote: »

Don't fall for the ridiculous idea that women are all desperate to drag a man up the aisle, any man. It's just not true, and it's a really offputting attitude.

No, absolutely not. I don't tar everyone with the same brush. I did caveat my agreement with 'to some extent'.

But, I have caught glimpses of it.

SanguineSteve

ciderwithrosie wrote: »

There'll surely be lots of women of a similar age to you with children, that are dating again, so it kind of narrows your field somewhat.

Certainly, online dating is rife with them as if you are looking after children full-time, it could be one of very few outlets.

But, that situation really doesn't do it for me right now.

DUTR

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Yep I think that the *disclaimer* 'don't waste your time' is really off-putting.

You really do genuinely need a woman who does not want children. Unfortunately for you, most women do. And then you have to hope that there is a suitable woman (for you) in the minority that do not want children.

I know a man who hates kids, and doesn't want them, he wants a woman who is size 10 or less, who doesn't smoke, and she must not drink alcohol, and she must not eat meat.

Unsurprisingly, he is single at 36, and had only had 2 relationships that lasted longer than 3 months in the last ten years. (Both lasted approx 6 months each.)

And as ciderwithrosie said; you saying 'don't waste your time,' could be construed as 'don't waste MY time.'

I know we are all different, but I would never have entertained a man who made one of his first statements 'I never want kids, so don't ever bug me about it.' I would show him the door tbh. It doesn't make you sound appealing at all. As you can see on here, even a woman who doesn't want kids, may be put off by that attitude.

I would go along with the poster who said put 'childfree and loving it' or something similar.

These kind of replies are much more useful than the typical, 'tell the bloke off' and the phrase covers many bases, as the children could be grown up. I know my daughter's mum is on the same website as myself, her profile lists as no children and does not want children, the children are beyond childminder days, so technically, she is child free.

I don't think anybody can pretend there are not ladies out there seeking a free meal out or replacement daddy or someone to start a family, nothing wrong with that but not everyone shares the same ideals.