Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK

NoOneAround

Had a conversation with SC last week to update I&E as creditors are asking for updates but during the conversation felt a little pressured into thinking about selling house and downsizing to pay everything off. I realise they have to explain all options but it all felt a little uncomfortable because in the earlier conversation the idea was to maintain stability for the family.
Sorry just thinking out loud.

themarsbargirl

Hugs xxxx
You're not a bad person for not taking time off workto transport your Dad to his appt when there was hosp transport for it.
Sometimes we need to take time to look after ourselves, and although it may feel 'selfish' it is like flying on a plane, you have to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others because otherwise you all end up in trouble.

Hope things ease a bit soon.
Xxxx

Brogden

NoOneAround wrote: »

Had a conversation with SC last week to update I&E as creditors are asking for updates but during the conversation felt a little pressured into thinking about selling house and downsizing to pay everything off. I realise they have to explain all options but it all felt a little uncomfortable because in the earlier conversation the idea was to maintain stability for the family.
Sorry just thinking out loud.

NOAh.......you speak to a different person and you get a different spin....

There can be no pressure....it's up to you.

I would downsize now if it were feasible but for us the thing to do is to stay here as long as possible because we have a houseful of four adults (+ cat) and I just can't see that changing so I am going for it here (unless something should knock me off my perch.) I probably like it here more than I would like anything else so I'll try to make sure there is a way to repay the rest of the mortgage (sometime.....never....:eek:) and see if anything changes in the meantime!

Do you make your payments through Step Change or do you just use them for advice?

Brogden x

NoOneAround

themarsbargirl wrote: »

Hugs xxxx
You're not a bad person for not taking time off workto transport your Dad to his appt when there was hosp transport for it.
Sometimes we need to take time to look after ourselves, and although it may feel 'selfish' it is like flying on a plane, you have to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others because otherwise you all end up in trouble.

Hope things ease a bit soon.
Xxxx

Thank you for the Hugs MBG:A
Spoke to him earlier this evening and today was good for him - picked up 15 mins before apt, seen straightaway, and then only had to wait 5 minutes and got his transport back home. Last night he was dreading it as the last apt he had to wait nearly 3 hours for someone to take him back home. Due to back pain he can't sit that long but can't see to wonder around (or walk) or go to the loo without escort, and they won't take mum I the hospital transport. He's got another won tomorrow - hope that goes as smoothly....


Have got 2 half days left of work at school this week then should have a quieter week next week


Love and Hugs
xx
NOAh

NoOneAround

Brogden wrote: »

NOAh.......you speak to a different person and you get a different spin....

There can be no pressure....it's up to you.

I would downsize now if it were feasible but for us the thing to do is to stay here as long as possible because we have a houseful of four adults (+ cat) and I just can't see that changing so I am going for it here (unless something should knock me off my perch.) I probably like it here more than I would like anything else so I'll try to make sure there is a way to repay the rest of the mortgage (sometime.....never....:eek:) and see if anything changes in the meantime!

Do you make your payments through Step Change or do you just use them for advice?

Brogden x

Brogden! Long Time No See! Between work kids and parents debt busting has taken a back seat. Why did I just say that? I'm working the extra school job to keep on top of debt! Silly me. If it wasn't for the debt I'd be in M&S lingerie all day being a lady of leisure


I don't make payments through SC - am following in your footsteps and doing a chaotic self managed journey. They tried to suggest a low start DMP with the bit extra I have available now (am I being too truthful?) ...but would take 85 years to pay off, but that inmost cases things improve so you can up your payments I asked if I could self manage and the adviser was a bit taken aback and said most people prefer them to do it.
I use them for advise but the do the I & E update then email it so I have a client ref number and it shows creditors I have seeking advice from them - maybe holds more weight? I don't know.


One creditor has written and said I have broken terms of agreement - not sure why as have continued token payments, but am worried I have missed some letters whilst hiding in work.
We can't downsize as we extended so that when the time comes and parents can't be independent they will move in with us. which might happen sooner rather than later, in which case it is likely I would be main care provider for both.


Am also worried now that if I stop using SC too update I&E the might wonder why? am probably worrying about all the things I don't need to worry about.
everything thing seems in limbo at the moment.


hugs
NOAh
xx

Brogden

NoOneAround wrote: »

If it wasn't for the debt I'd be in M&S lingerie all day being a lady of leisure

Thanks NOAh......I now have a lovely and very pretty picture in my mind to keep me going through my chores today !!

I wasn't suggesting downsizing and understand exactly what your intentions are. As we know here too the responsibility of looking after ageing parents falls to the most loving and responsible ones whereas some just go on lots of jolly trips and holidays.....'you can't put your life on hold' is something I have heard said far too many times and always makes the bile rise :mad: !! The room I work in is a converted garage and the intention was that this was where my dad in law would live.......and did for a month or two.......

All will come OK NOAh and I know it is frustrating to have the debts thingy hanging around but forget about 85 years! You know these will ultimately be settled for a fraction of the book value (F&F's / P&F's whatever....!) That is when you are ready. As for the 'broken arrangements'......how many of those have I had? Tons.........pick up the phone and rearrange - it can be done every time. I may be an old hand with this debt stuff now and should be doing better but I had to rearrange an agreement again last week !! It was a piece of pee !!

Lots of love my dear and onwards and upwards .

Now.....coming back to the lingerie.....:p

Brogden x

themarsbargirl

Crossing my fingers that today goes as smoothly for your Dad, glad it went well yesterday

Woo to a quieter week next week, I hope you are setting a part of that aside for some much needed 'me' time where you do something you enjoy and is relaxing (even if it is ultimately helpful like baking bread or cakes ;-) )
Debt, like weight, didn't accure overnight and neither will it disappear overnight (unless you win the lottery) but by steadily chipping away at it, it will go.

Do you do any measurements of your debts? I find that doing percentages of the one I am focused on overpaying (not in DMP though) helps motivate me to see that I am making progress with the debt...I can either look at it as uhhh I still have 1600odd to pay on that debt or woohoo I've paid 17% off that debt which means it is nearly 1/5 gone :-D

Hope work isn't too taxing today hun xxx

StressedSteph

Hi Noah,

Don't feel bad about your dad and him having to use transport, you can only do what you can do and like the others have said, you also need to take care of yourself in the middle of it all.

I also do a self managed chaotic DMP, I could have gone to StepChange but I much rather adjust the payments and do the negotiating myself. I do the same as you, filling in Stepchanges I&E's online form and sending copies of that to creditors. Definitely seems to be taken more seriously that way.

Keep going, we are all only making babysteps in the right direction but at least we ARE going in the right direction.

Keep smiling xxx

NoOneAround

Brogden wrote: »

Thanks NOAh......I now have a lovely and very pretty picture in my mind to keep me going through my chores today !!

I wasn't suggesting downsizing and understand exactly what your intentions are. As we know here too the responsibility of looking after ageing parents falls to the most loving and responsible ones whereas some just go on lots of jolly trips and holidays.....'you can't put your life on hold' is something I have heard said far too many times and always makes the bile rise :mad: !! The room I work in is a converted garage and the intention was that this was where my dad in law would live.......and did for a month or two.......

All will come OK NOAh and I know it is frustrating to have the debts thingy hanging around but forget about 85 years! You know these will ultimately be settled for a fraction of the book value (F&F's / P&F's whatever....!) That is when you are ready. As for the 'broken arrangements'......how many of those have I had? Tons.........pick up the phone and rearrange - it can be done every time. I may be an old hand with this debt stuff now and should be doing better but I had to rearrange an agreement again last week !! It was a piece of pee !!

Lots of love my dear and onwards and upwards .

Now.....coming back to the lingerie.....:p

Brogden x

Taking Heart and moving onwards and upwards Brogden ....tomorrow:o
Only problem is that I could never be a lady of leisure or a lady that lunches - I've always been told I have ants in my pants as I never sit still. :rotfl:


6hours at school today, then started getting back on top of jobs that have been neglected.
1) Returned uniform blazer (ordered 2 sizes), DS has grown again - 2weeks before end of term :mad: and side seams keep splitting and looks very battered, so had to smarten him up for concerts for speech day etc.
2) Took in dry cleaning
3) Did quick grocery shop
4) Managed to get apt for DS hair cut at 5.30 (he was starting to support the dulux shaggy dog look:o!
5) Completed own and DH student finance support statements for next years uni for DD.
6)Did paperwork for volunteer work/Saturdays sale
7)Played 3D tetris -mindless stuff to waste time I haven't got as felt drained! the got frustrated cos reactions slow So much for relaxing:rotfl:


Love n HUgs
xx NOa

NoOneAround

themarsbargirl wrote: »

Crossing my fingers that today goes as smoothly for your Dad, glad it went well yesterday

Woo to a quieter week next week, I hope you are setting a part of that aside for some much needed 'me' time where you do something you enjoy and is relaxing (even if it is ultimately helpful like baking bread or cakes ;-) )
Debt, like weight, didn't accure overnight and neither will it disappear overnight (unless you win the lottery) but by steadily chipping away at it, it will go.

Do you do any measurements of your debts? I find that doing percentages of the one I am focused on overpaying (not in DMP though) helps motivate me to see that I am making progress with the debt...I can either look at it as uhhh I still have 1600odd to pay on that debt or woohoo I've paid 17% off that debt which means it is nearly 1/5 gone :-D

Hope work isn't too taxing today hun xxx

Had quite a nice few hours at work - not to busy today. Called dad and his appt. today wasn't too bad either - back home in 2.5 hrs which is OK.


Next week is gardening...grass hasn't been cut in 3 weeks and everything has grown so much! Lots of things have flowered or are in flower now, am looking forward to being out there more . Loads of roses, flag irises. Never got my baskets done though , or salads planted.

I do measure % ....unfortunately only in low single figures at the moment as making token payments only....
Hugs
xx
NOAh