I am such an idiot! When will I learn?

judi24

Thanks Violalass it was one the plastic school ones (with school logo on) that they refil everyday - I had been sending her in with another bottle (dark coloured) - but she said the teacher was being 'funny' with her asking if there as juice in it. Yesterday she was already a little stressed about the 11+ so I thought it was easier for her to just get one - not very MSE but worth alot more in peace of mind!

asparagus1968

nice news about the energy credit.
for the night away-try a couple of comparison sites eg. booking.com.
I got a 4* hotel for me and DS for cheaper than the Travelodge in summer, and it included breakfast:)
also, have you ever had a look at topcashback? it's saved me loads.
good luck with THE talk.

judi24

Well - I had 'that' conversation with my DD2 - and it went down ok - we have agreed that she pays £200 from November - she was fine about it - I guess she couldnt really not be as she had just shown me round the world flights and told me her and her friends were rebooking to go back to Egypt!


I closed the MBNA card today - it had no balance on it but they didnt offer a balance transfer - oh well I guess I just have to wait a few months and try again to get a card with 0% interest! I also moved 1k onto Barclaycard and will pay the £50 and close the Nationwide CC at payday next week - so I will only have the Tesco and Barclaycard CC's - hopefully by January I should be able to get a 0% card so I can reduce my interest

judi24

So review of my SOA to date
Income increased (from Nov) to £3234 - DD2 keep up to £200
Expeniture reduced: Groceries down by £25 to £275, Presents halved to £75 a month, Gas/elec down by £38 (some by switching some by carefull usage) to £145 (plus £250 credit to come back)
Leaving entertainment at £100 for now - as I have a family event this month plus school hols (again!!) and a Christmas night out in
Dec


So just by making a few calls, putting a bit more effort into what I spend (food and presents) plus having a difficult conversation with my DD2 I will have an extra £238 to go towards my debt!


Thats not too bad!!! tomorrow will work out what that means in relation to debt free date and have a target to aim for I think!

Teacher2

Dear judi24,

You asked, 'Did I get it all wrong?' I think you are being hard on yourself as you did what you could for your kids and they picked up a few additional 'hidden curriculum lessons' along the way. That's the nature of children: they are thoughtless and demanding and subvert your best intentions just because they ARE kid not adults. Here's an example of a big mistake I made to make you feel better!

When my children were at (very, very good) schools, in order that they focussed entirely on their studies to gain the highest grades, I did not allow them to have weekend or holiday jobs. The result was that my daughter used the time to study and aced the top grades while my son wasted the time and did not study. Not only did my son misuse the spare time given him in order to be idle but neither of them learnt about the world of work through part time employment and neither of them knew the value of money. For the best of motives (I thought) I had spoilt the pair of them. It goes to show that parents cannot control everything.

You have clearly been a good mother and now your children, especially your oldest daughter, need to adjust to real life. But knowing you are a good parent looking out for their welfare they will understand this and give you the credit. Yes, they will moan and give you a hard time, but they will understand in their hearts.

Now that my daughter has moved into a flatshare she has learnt a lot about budgeting though I fear she has not become a saver yet. As far as I know she is not in debt and is managing. My son has a long way to go as he is still living at home and getting his whole keep for £400 a month which, in today's world, is an utter bargain. I am not sure what he's doing with the rest of his money. Now he's had a payrise I reckon he's got about £900 a month spare and I can't see where that's going. I have spoken to him about opening an ISA but I am pretty sure he hasn't.

My point is that you do what you can but you can't control your kids entirely. What you can do is give them the truth about life and let them deal with reality rather than fantasy. And you can be insistent about things that matter (like paying their 'keep') while ignoring their complaints in the secure knowledge that they will come round if you are being straight with them.

You say your daughter studied pharmacy? Well done you as she is going to be very well off! I wish my two had studied professional subjects. I tried to influence them towards professions but they both went their headstrong ways. They are now living to regret choosing English and politics as, while they've both got jobs now, they are harder subjects to make pay megabucks.

[Deleted User]

judi24 wrote: »

Well - I had 'that' conversation with my DD2 - and it went down ok - we have agreed that she pays £200 from November

That's a bit better, although I think ~ £46 per week is still a bit low.

Also, you could probably trim a bit more off the groceries, and presents.

Teacher2 wrote: »

My son has a long way to go as he is still living at home and getting his whole keep for £400 a month which, in today's world, is an utter bargain.

I agree.

If he were living alone, £400 would barely cover his rent.

asparagus1968

another positive day then judi24

judi24

Teacher2 Thanks for your lovely post - the one thing that my kids have always done (since 16 ) is work - they both had weekend jobs as soon as they got thier national insurance cards. I did consider whether that was wise with them still studying but they wanted things I could not buy them and I also think it doesnt do them any harm to learn about dealing with people and working for what you want. I did let them spend it though on whatever they wanted and didn't make them save it - DD1 did manage to save enough to spend 8 weeks in Thailand when she finished uni - so guess that's something!


My DD2 didn't really argue when I said about paying more - i think she can see that I don't have a lot of disposable income compared to her! What I did like is that she has come back from Egypt with an interest in travelling more - which is great as she is quite intoverted and lacks self confidence - so looking at round the world trips is good - she might also now decide that she has to start saving if she is going to want to travel more!


I know what you are saying Bedsit Bob about it still being a bit low - but she also saves me around £50 a month in childcare by picking DD3 up from school on her days off


I am very proud of DD1 - pharmacy is a good career and I'm sure she will do fine - her landlord said she can't get out of 6 month lease but she did reduce her rent by £50 a month - and she will move to a shared house in January so not all bad


Thanks Asparagus - yesterday was quite productive MSE wise! Can't say the same about today! Feel like I am just sitting waiting for payday!

asparagus1968

evening.
I used to work in a pharmacy, the employed pharmacists earn well, but locum pharmacists were paid a fortune :)

[Deleted User]

judi24 wrote: »

I know what you are saying Bedsit Bob about it still being a bit low - but she also saves me around £50 a month in childcare by picking DD3 up from school on her days off

Even £250 is, IMO, rather low.