Live in Care versus Care Home

lostinrates

pmlindyloo wrote: »

In the end this comes down, in my opinion to two things:

Can the care your dad needs be met by live in carers?

Can he afford it?

I do not honestly believe that anyone, given the answer being 'yes' to both the above questions, would hesitate to use live in carers rather than a care home. There is just no comparison.

Suppose you are a social person whose physical health suffers less than one's ability to care for oneself?

My grandmother believed herself to be back in the early days of adult hood, training for her career, the happiest time in her life, when she moved to the care home. Or sometimes that she had returned to that place to retrain to return to work, or train others.

She had an ordinary life and an ordinary not particularly happy marriage but not particularly sad one. I think the care home was something that was a good move for her, though I did not agree it was at the time.

PasturesNew

What you get in a care home that's different to your own home is 24/7 care, availability of people (who are awake and alert). My mum has a pressure pad by her bed - if she gets out of bed for a wander at 3am it triggers and alarm and somebody has a wander down to see if she's fallen. 24/7 there are people to talk to. Every 2-3 hours tea and biscuits are dispensed. Meal times are regular, hot/tasty/different meals cooked by cooks and chefs. Services, like the district nurse, hairdressing, toe-nail cutting etc are part of the scenery and happen automatically. Hospital visits are accommodated/arranged, with a carer going, seamlessly.

Of course, you do lose your "stuff" as the rooms are too small for all your stuff, being about 7'x10' and containing a sink, bed, wardrobe, drawers ... commode and space for a stroller/mobility aid.

There's also entertainment put on, celebrations/parties and birthday cakes.

You don't get all that socialisation and guarantee of 24/7 seamless cover and care in your own home.

In your own home, who is doing the shopping? The grass cutting? Organising the maintenance? Paying the household bills? In a care home, none of this needs to be done.... one member of staff is cooking dinners, while another one's making sure your loved one has their tablets ... and another's pushing the tea trolley round ... while another one's rearranging the chairs ready for the local singers to come and sing in an hour..... many hands make light work.... and all while your loved one's sitting in a chair, staring out of the window with their regular group of mates.

P.S. My mum also thinks she works there.... seems to be a regular theme with a lot of them It's wartime mostly....

Mojisola

Like others have said, my Dad was much happier after he moved into the care home.

Residential care often gets a bad press but there are a lot of very unhappy, badly treated people living at home whose plight isn't publicised to provide a balance.

Visit some local care homes and get a feel for how good they are before you dismiss the option.

pmlindyloo

PasturesNew wrote: »

What you get in a care home that's different to your own home is 24/7 care, availability of people (who are awake and alert). My mum has a pressure pad by her bed - if she gets out of bed for a wander at 3am it triggers and alarm and somebody has a wander down to see if she's fallen. 24/7 there are people to talk to. Every 2-3 hours tea and biscuits are dispensed. Meal times are regular, hot/tasty/different meals cooked by cooks and chefs. Services, like the district nurse, hairdressing, toe-nail cutting etc are part of the scenery and happen automatically. Hospital visits are accommodated/arranged, with a carer going, seamlessly.

Of course, you do lose your "stuff" as the rooms are too small for all your stuff, being about 7'x10' and containing a sink, bed, wardrobe, drawers ... commode and space for a stroller/mobility aid.

There's also entertainment put on, celebrations/parties and birthday cakes.

You don't get all that socialisation and guarantee of 24/7 seamless cover and care in your own home.

In your own home, who is doing the shopping? The grass cutting? Organising the maintenance? Paying the household bills? In a care home, none of this needs to be done.... one member of staff is cooking dinners, while another one's making sure your loved one has their tablets ... and another's pushing the tea trolley round ... while another one's rearranging the chairs ready for the local singers to come and sing in an hour..... many hands make light work.... and all while your loved one's sitting in a chair, staring out of the window with their regular group of mates.

P.S. My mum also thinks she works there.... seems to be a regular theme with a lot of them It's wartime mostly....

OMG, you do paint a really rosy picture of life in a care home.

Sadly the majority are not like this.

In any case I really do not see that the things you mention cannot be arranged by a live in carer or family.

In this particular case the OP has a large family and her brother lives with her father.

I do think the loss of familiar surroundings is a huge loss to the elderly.

Yes, most people get used to living in a care home but the first few days can be pretty awful. I remember the 'newbies' in my mum's home crying out because they want to go home.

Brighton_belle

pmlindyloo wrote: »

OMG, you do paint a really rosy picture of life in a care home.

Sadly the majority are not like this.

In any case I really do not see that the things you mention cannot be arranged by a live in carer or family.

In this particular case the OP has a large family and her brother lives with her father.

I do think the loss of familiar surroundings is a huge loss to the elderly.

Yes, most people get used to living in a care home but the first few days can be pretty awful. I remember the 'newbies' in my mum's home crying out because they want to go home.

Exactly (bit in bold) it's the brother whose pleading for a care home as he is the one who is baring the greatest burden by far. And he still will if dad stays at home.
My father has recently moved into a home - it's superb the level of kind practical care he is getting. Of course there are bad ones but what evidence that the majority are?
Yes we would rather he was able to be at home, but if we had live in carers, it would still be my mum he would call for, be agony for her to resist and still her to have to organise day to day stuff. She's already on her knees with exhaustion.
ETA: I'm not saying a care package at home is not a great option to include in the mix, but it isn't always a simple option.

pmlindyloo

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Exactly (bit in bold) it's the brother whose pleading for a care home as he is the one who is baring the greatest burden by far. And he still will if dad stays at home.
My father has recently moved into a home - it's superb the level of kind practical care he is getting. Of course there are bad ones but what evidence that the majority are?
Yes we would rather he was able to be at home, but if we had live in carers, it would still be my mum he would call for, be agony for her to resist and still her to have to organise day to day stuff. She's already on her knees with exhaustion.

I can totally understand why the brother was suggesting that dad is moved to a care home. But that was when he was delivering 24 hr care.

If live in carers were brought in then the situation would change. The OP has already said that when the brother was away dad was perfectly happy and well looked after with a full time carer.

Please do not think for one moment that I believe that parents should stay at home rather than go into a care home. The strain that caring for elderly people, particularly with dementia, must be horrendous.

It is all dependent on the care that is needed. it seems in your dad's case that this was the best possible option.

All cases are different.

All I was saying that if it is possible then I think home care is the best possible outcome.

Of course if the brother is totally against it then fine. Maybe the brother could move out if circumstances allowed for this.

Live in carers are not an option for most people because of the cost.

If we could have afforded I would have arranged for live in carers for my mum.

GwylimT

My family and I lived with my grandmother for quite a long time to look after her, despite this the rest of the family believed they knew better, but funnily enough they weren't willing to give up their homes to care for her.

She has been in a residential home for almost a year now, she just has mobility issues so she just needs help getting from one place to another, getting out of bath/shower and is unable to do any cleaning.

Before she went into a home we had a carer come in during the day when we were at work, to have someone always there it would have cost £400 a week, not something we could afford. So we had three visits per working day, not ideal as it meant she couldn't have a cup of tea when she wanted, go into the garden when she wanted etc.

At her home she can get up when she wants, but if she wasn't ready by 9:30 she wouldn't have a cooked breakfast, but cereal, fruit, toast etc. where lunch is concerned she can either have a hot lunch between 12:30-13:30 or she can have sandwiches at any time she wishes. Her evening meal is at 18:30, they can also have sandwiches etc prepared until 10pm.

They have daily trips, some days it might just be into town so people can have a look around or buy things they need (each bedroom has a fridge so maybe milk for tea), other days it might be the seaside, an actual venue, theatre trip etc. They have two gardens which are both ideal for those with mobility issues, there are three tv rooms (to prevent arguments!), a craft room with a proper measuring table and seeing machine, a snooker room and they have two green houses for residents who like gardening.

As my wife and I both work we couldn't provide this level of living for my grandma, yes it's nice to have your own house, but it's nice to get out whenever you want and spend the day with people if you want to.

*Robin*

If cost is no object:

https://www.country-cousins.co.uk/

jetplane

Care in the home is very expensive and one of you would need to become the employer using direct payments and social services would not fund the full expense, once it reaches above a certain level then a care home is cheaper for the LA. Would your father be self funding?

Your brother matters very much and he has said he can not cope. It will take a small team of carers to provide 24 hour care as your regular carers will need holiday and breaks and can just one person deal with all of his needs, does he need two people to lift him, bath him etc? Your brother may be doing this alone but that does not follow that a carer would.

It is also important to consider that this is your brothers home (unless he will move out) and he will be subject to having an extra person in his own home and all of the intrusion that this brings. Your large family can call in, they can work a rota, but at the end of the day they can go home to their own place away from the everyday care, your brother may not have that choice.

Caring for family is a difficult job both emotionally and physically, look into your options and cost them but your brother really needs to be listened to.

edit; if he does live in a care home your family can set up a rota to visit often and have a good insight into the care he receives.

CH27

nad1611 wrote: »

Following on from other threads on this matter I'm wondering if anyone chose to have a live in carer instead of arranging for a relative to go into a Home.
My father has dementia and we are a big family. Needless to say there are differing opinions on what's best for him. My feeling is that his own home would always be the best place for Dad for as long as it can be managed. Others feel enough is enough and he'll only get the "right care" in a Nursing Home. A few weeks back my brother who lives with him said he couldn't do this any longer and it seemed the only option was a Nursing Home and we started loking at choices for Dad.

Dad has carers in every day at present, my brother who lives with Dad had some time away. Dad had the same carer for 5 days staying both day and night and I saw Dad every afternoon to check all was well. I saw a marked change in Dad for the better, he seemed much calmer and relaxed and wasn't getting his usual bouts of agitation. I think having someone actually sitting with him and being there literally every minute had a positive effect.

So it then got me thinking are we jumping the gun a bit here. Why are we moving Dad out when he could get the care he needs at home. My argument being that it would be one on one care in his own home, no upheaval and we'll be able to keep a better eye on him and review his care better than in a home.

So does anyone have any experience of this? How did it work for you? How did the costs compare to being in a Care Home?
Thanks in advance.

In my experience it takes an awful lot for a carer to admit they aren't coping so please listen to your brother. I bet he is physically & mentally exhausted.
If outside carers move in it takes away all his privacy in his own home & he will still have all the ultimate responsibility of Dad's wellbeing on his shoulders.