Advice please re MIL

Errata

What 'support' do you give her, apart from the telephone?

margaretclare

thorsoak wrote: »

If you don't do it, and you stay home for the sake of your MiL, you will finish up resenting her - and that will spoil your relationship with her.

Go for it, every woman needs to carve out her own career - and its not as if you are going to the other end of the country - only to work for a certain number of hours a week.

I absolutely could not agree more. Your MIL is the one who's being selfish. On the phone for an hour at a time, 8 x day? Saying what? I don't think I could talk to the same person for 8 hours every day, there are not enough topics of conversation in the world, and especially if it's just repeats of 'oh I feel ill....'

MIL can't get out of the house. There are books to read, TV to watch, music to listen to, newspapers to read (even if you read them online). I have known people whose lives were very limited, couldn't get out or do a lot of things, but who managed to have a full life and be an inspiration to others.

belisha-beacon

I can't add much to what everyone else has said, but as it's a fairly new resource that not a lot of people seem to know about yet I thought I'd suggest Silverline: http://www.thesilverline.org.uk/ It's a phone line set up by Esther Rantzen, who felt there was a gap in the support available for older people. The website says:

"The Silver Line is the confidential, free helpline for older people across the UK* open every day and night of the year. Our specially trained helpline staff:

• Offer information, friendship and advice
• Link callers to local groups and services
• Offer regular befriending calls
• Protect and support those who are suffering abuse and neglect"

belisha-beacon

P.S. They also have web forums to connect like-minded older people together, so that ties in with an idea someone above suggested

meritaten

can I ask how old she is? because it sounds like she is in my age group (60s).

it sounds like the men in her life are 'abdicating' responsibility for her. This is unfair to both her and you.
you have years ahead of you - go for it hunny!
speak to your OH and FIL - this is THIER responsibility - not YOURS.
I can understand you feel responsible for her - but there are limits on just how a MIL should impact on YOUR life. and this is over the boundary.
Primarily this is your OHs problem. and its your FILs problem in the first place. You cannot take his place. your OH shouldn't be taking his place.
I was gobsmacked when you said she rings you so often! how on earth do you cope with that?
its not on. you go do your course and tell the men in Mils life they need to sort something out for her.

I have to ask, would your husband be jumping through hoops like you, if it was YOUR mother?

wendym

Polymyalgia is really horrible - I'm about to notch up 4 years. And the only treatment, steroids, is almost as horrible. I have steroid-induced diabetes. Many GPs, and a fair few rheumatologists, are pretty clueless.

I recommend this site:

http://www.pmr-gca-northeast.org.uk/

Near the bottom on the left is the forum, where I think your MIL might well find some virtual friends. It's technically unreliable, but worth persevering with.

You have been (and are) an extraordinarily kind daughter-in-law!