Advice please re MIL

wortblossom

Reams wrote: »

I think your advice is far too pandering to what she wants. She has a husband, she has a son. Seems both have shoved the problem on to the DIL. How very convenient except now DIL wishes to carve a career for herself it may take more commitment from the pair of them. Tough!
Go do it DIL and let the men sort her out. Their family, their problem.

We are a very tradtional family where the women do tend to do most of caring roles etc. This will somewhat change the dynamic, but as you said thats no bad thing. Both men have been very content to just let me deal with things in the past.

duchy

If you were taking what she regarded as a "real job" eg office based would her reaction be different as you need the money? Just wondering if she sees it as you helping in school rather than proper work and training? That she feels you are choosing to help someone else instead of her?

To be clear I have worked as an LSA I do know it's a proper job !

Time for her husband to remember his vows and step up to the plate.

wortblossom

I'm pretty sure her response would be the same. She has talked about the course/placement as my 'work', so im pretty sure she respects it in that way.
I honestly think its just that she is very lonely and we have had this supportive relationship for a long time so its a big adjustment and change for her.

Errata

Hang tough, enjoy your new career, tell your OH to get his backside in gear and make suggestions to your MIL. You've done more than enough coping with the outrageous phone calls.

duchy

Unfortunately it sounds like her (MILs) husband needs to be a bit less selfish. You say he's out all day....does he not work?

jackyann

Reams wrote: »

I think your advice is far too pandering to what she wants. She has a husband, she has a son. Seems both have shoved the problem on to the DIL. How very convenient except now DIL wishes to carve a career for herself it may take more commitment from the pair of them. Tough!
Go do it DIL and let the men sort her out. Their family, their problem.

I take your point & don't disagree.
Whilst typing this, there have been posts come in, including from OP, answering some of the points so I am going to delete.
Good luck OP! My advice - always in the take it or leave it spirit - remains to get a clear structure in place - for your own sanity!
Also that any family worth the name will be helping you make this work

wortblossom

Her husband is retired (i forgot to mention the ages, MIL is 69, FIL is 68).

wortblossom

jackyann wrote: »

I do hope that over the bank holiday, OP gets the chance to sort it out with the family. If they are worth anything, they will be already thinking about how to make it work.

I honestly dont think they have thought at all how to make it work. Both men have the idea that they will just continue as before. I will have to chat to my husband , as I think he is the most likely to give her more support - phone calls while at break at work etc. MIL's husband just pretty much leaves her to it, but is willing to take her to any groups etc that she wants to go to (she cant drive at the moment due to her eyes).

We are seeing them over the weekend so will try tactfully to bring it up. I don't want to leave her with no support as it will be a big shock to her. I've told her I will call her during the day when I get chance. And we still have weekends

Alchemilla

Maybe your MIL really needs relationship counselling? It is absolutely unfair to be calling you that often.

Good luck with your new career.

wortblossom

Getting people is accept help is the hardest thing. But its a great idea to put all these options to her.