IA's 'Does my bum look big in this Debt?' Diary

immoral_angeluk

Karmacat wrote: »

Noooo! Don't stop posting - I understand why that post has made you stop in your tracks, and I understand why the poster put it on your thread, it looks like a huge discrepancy, £1 to £380. But its attitudes and roles, frankly. At the moment, you're the homebod, working things out to the last penny, literally; I know you must have ambitions way beyond the home, but at the moment thats where you are. Ste is out there, as he always has been, and he's a bloke, and blokes often want *things* - I know its sex role stereotyping, believe me, I'm not particularly happy about it, but its true.

He's had a huge attitude change since the start of all this, and thats enough - it means he *knows* what's right, and he's actually left the final decision up to you, cos he keeps asking you. Thats good enough.

Plus, you know, your marital decisions are nobody else's business - somebody doesn't like them, thats their prerogative, of course it is, but all the advice on here is not to deprive yourself, because that way lies spending mania. He works at hmv, doesn't he? In other words, he's right in the thick of the consumerist society, to put it bluntly. How could he *not* be thinking, ooh I want that, I want this, especially when it chimes in with the musical creativity (you both have) as in the case of the drums.

This is fairly disjointed, but I wanted to get a response up on your thread asap. :grouphug:

He did work at hmv but has recently changed jobs. But I think it's actually worse at he has access to the internet when he's not taking calls etc so can browse all the internet shopping/gaming sites! lol!

Karmacat

I thought the jobchange was *to* hmv, silly me.

And, btw, look how many responses you got, including from bb; that tells you something!

immoral_angeluk

I know but I hate to think that anyone thinks bad of me... I know it shouldn't bother me but it does....

Karmacat

Oh sweetie.... bb doesn't think bad of you, s/he was concerned about your lack of treats for you. And the others who were posting along with me love the bones of you (as we used to say when I was growing up, its not weird, don't worry).

barnaby-bear

Lucy1982 wrote: »

Hi IA

I agree, people give you things out of the kindness of their hearts. It is up to you how you spend them.

As for Steve. we have the mantra:

Do I really want it (obviously YES!)
Can I afford it (No, but I will work extra hard to pay it off and make more sacrifices)
Will I use it (I'm guessing this is obvious, how many hours has he played on it now?)

I think you have done really well so far and you have learnt and taught Steve that you can have treats, but you need to work for them. We all need treats to make life worth while.

x

Oh I'm so going to get flamed in hell now. I'm *not* having a go at Sarah or the fact people gave her vouchers as an anniversary present. I find it annoying that she clearly wanted the cake and would have gone without if friends hadn't stepped in and ANOTHER piece of electronic kit pops up.

It's just an SoA opinion - if anyone else had posted they'd spend £1k in the last 6 months on telly/gaming consoles you'd all be jumping in lecturing. Sarah's honesty means it's sometimes easy to forget it's real lives and most people just 'forget' to mention when they shove stuff on the credit card. Sorry if I offended but not really very sorry for think Steve spends too much on electronic tat.

Lucy1982_2

Just make sure the next big treat is for you... That way everything seems even. But I agree I always feel guilty when I spend something I know I shouldn't.

Take care x

immoral_angeluk

Karmacat wrote: »

Oh sweetie.... bb doesn't think bad of you, s/he was concerned about your lack of treats for you. And the others who were posting along with me love the bones of you (as we used to say when I was growing up, its not weird, don't worry).

The thing is I don't want or need treats... all I do is sit at home all day. I don't go anywhere because trying to get our 2 out down the shops on one piece is not my idea of a pleasurable activity.. :rotfl:
The only time I really go anywhere is to tesco to do our weekly food shop!

Toto

Ok, this is coming from someone who has donated in a way to the IA household. Firstly one of ste's toys didn't cost him anything other than the petrol to collect it. Do any of us care less that IA and Ste have decided that they can afford a PS3? I don't care one bit, in fact I'm delighted that my little contribution might have helped them to have something for themselves.

Barnaby, without meaning to sound at all patronising to IA and Ste, they are a young newly married couple. They are at a time in their lives where many of us just enjoyed life without a seconds thought about the future. IA and Ste restrict themselves way beyond what I would have done at their age. I was a young mum too, I had my son at 21 and had no money. I had no clue about budgets, I had money, I spent it, I didn't have money, I wondered where I could earn some more. These guys are trying so hard and looking at them and how I was at their age they are so much further along the money maturity road compared to where I was.

This is a time in their lives where they should be happy, enjoying their young married life and their babies. They could easily go out and blow £380 in the pub over the course of a month but they don't. They sit at home and work out every penny, Ok, so it seems Ste gets a lot more than Sar does, but it seems her happiness comes from giving, to her husband and her babies, I think that's a wonderful quality and I tell you this, if she were my daughter I'd be so bloody proud of her.

Sar, people give to you and Ste because we all feel you do so much to help youselves and we know that the little things we do mean you can have a little extra for yourselves. I don't begrudge you a single thing, you're both doing great and the PS3 will keep you moving along down the debt free road.

Enjoy it!!

Lucy1982_2

immoral_angeluk wrote: »

The thing is I don't want or need treats... all I do is sit at home all day. I don't go anywhere because trying to get our 2 out down the shops on one piece is not my idea of a pleasurable activity.. :rotfl:
The only time I really go anywhere is to tesco to do our weekly food shop!

:rotfl:

I would agree with that one and I don't have kids, just make sure you don't go without. We just worry about you that's all.

Spendless

Don't stop posting IA-I love your thread. Sometimes my kids say something like can they have some sweets, I say no and they ask the same question over and over again in the hope that eventually they'll wear me down and I'll say yes. There's an episode of the Simpsons where Bart and Lisa do this and eventually fed up of listening they are given in to. Ste reminds me of this.;) My own husband could be similar only he's not as good at whinging so consequently I'm better at saying no. If he/I wasn't we'd have got an i-pod, a weekend away in December and a dog and that's only this weeks requests:eek:

Maybe something you have to point out is to Ste is that he has already had w x and y this year and he can only have z when such and such is paid off. Maybe you will have a treat worth £so much when barclays and citi has gone for example.