Is this Right?

repsolblade

kelloggs36 wrote: »

If I could count the number of times I have heard this arguement I would be extremely rich. it isn't an arguement that is accepted in law, so you may as well forget it. The law doesn't look at the other parent's income nor can it determine what the money is spent on so you should not be focussing your anger on this aspect - your children are with their mother and she already pays for them and you do too, but what she is asking for is that you pay the correct rate - there is nothing wrong in that at all.

However, you can work out what the CSA say you should be paying by looking on their website. As you have already 1 child in your household (which isn't yours so why they give a deduction I don't know - hardly fair on the existing child especially when maintenance is already being paid for that child) they first reduce your net income by 15%, then you would be charged at 20% of what is left. For every night they stay over with you, deduct a further 1/7 - but it must work out that they stay for at least 1 night every week so if it doesn't work out at at least 52 nights in a year, there will be no reduction.

Exactly, so it's ok for her to squander my maintainance on New cars and fancy designer clothes!
And, what exactly is the correct rate? Because she's buying new cars etc she needs more to survive.
When are you people going to stop persecuting people like me who want to pay a FAIR rate for their kids, for Christ sake, if it costs that much, then give the kids to us Fathers who can actually add up and look after money.

repsolblade

Elle83 wrote: »

Sorry I wasted an hour of my time supporting you Djoiner. If you genuinely believed £200pm was enough to support 2 children on then I don't understand why you've been giving your ex £800pm of your own free will.

Child maintenance is not pocket money contrary to a lot of absent parents' beliefs. Every child needs a stable home therefore where there isn't joint custody, the parent with care picks up the tab to provide this.

The rent I pay on my 2 bed flat is £650pcm compared to £500 were I to rent a studio flat for one person. I am therefore paying out£150pm to rent his nursery for starters.
So, basically your saying that you would save £150 pm if you didn't have a child..? because although you may pay a little extra for food clothing etc you still gotta live right? Your choice to have a child wasn't it?
My son also has furniture in this bedroom. He has a lampshade, curtains, rug, rocking chair for bedtime stories, changing table with cupboard underneath, toddler bed, duvet, pillow and bed linen plus mattress and wardrobe. These things cost me about £380 even though I purchased the changing table and rocking chair second hand (the bed linen, duvet and ventilated baby pillow cost £50 and that's WITH me stitching my own duvet covers from flat sheets).

Did you have nothing when you split up?

My son also has clothes. He has 14 vests, 4 pairs of jammies, 5 or 6 tee-shirts, 3 or 4 l/s tops, 5 pairs of trousers, 4 pairs of shorts, two jackets, a coat, a sun hat, sandles and shoes. These cost me about £150.
Did you buy these all in one go?

My son then has around 80 toddler books which have cost me personally around £120 though of course many have been gifts. A book costs anywhere between £1.50 and £6.99 and if you'd seen the state of my local library you'd understand why I buy them myself. It's not exactly fair to make your children give back their favourite toys every week either and if my son loves books I'd like to encourage that thanks.
get him the Sun every day that's for minors!

My son has toys and these have probably cost me in the region of £250 in the last six months. His trike was £40, his kitchen set was £30, his arts and crafts bits cost about £20 including non-toxic versions of paints and play-doh. The wide variety of toys and activities I am providing my son with is to give him a good start life and essential for his development. You can't just give a child a small box of cars and crayons day in, day out and expect them to be happy or make any progress.
I had a crayon, a piece of chalk and a chubby car! could read the TV times at 3years old and still reading it

My son eats on a daily basis too. This costs me about £40 per month.

My son wears nappies and these as well as wipes and nappy bags cost around £35pm.
Terry's are back you know

My son has a bath every other day. This costs about £15 per month in water.
Use second's water
My son has to have his clothes washed and this costs me about £15pm in water, electric, non-bio powder and pure fabric conditioner.


My son enjoys a trip to the swimming pool and soft play area twice a month and this costs £7.50 a time including my swim fee and his swimming nappy so that's £15pm.

My son uses electricity to heat and light his nursery as well as indulge in the odd bit of CBeebies. This costs me around £15pm - more in winter due to our electric storage heaters.
No you use the electricity, he benefits from that
My son has a car seat in the car to transport him round in which cost £75.
get on the Bus

My son has a pushchair that I recently had to replace due to wear and tear and this cost £45.
Asda trolley's are great value and found locally in streams and housing estates

If you calculate the buys that spread out over 6m they add up to £900 which is the equivilant of £170 per month. Then add on the monthly expenses and that's £440 a month I spend on caring for my son. Not including all the little things like petrol to take him to appointments or special days out to the local wildlife park or anything. Oh and of course I omitted the £140 expense of taking him on his first ever holiday to a caravan park in May including petrol and activities.
what's wrong with a sheet over some dining room chairs, hey presto..tent

If it wasn't for tax credits I would also be paying £733pcm for childcare for the "privilege" of going to work full-time. Whilst my ex-husband is of course able to use me for free childcare whilst he works and socialises away without any consideration for what used to be our child or the responsibilities that entails.
So basically you get tax credits, so I'm paying for you aswell then, AREN'T YOU LUCKY!

If you want to give him the child to look after then you can use him, stop whining like it's a chore to have your child

Considering I cook meals from scratch too and I buy second-hand where safe and hygienic, I'm not suprised it costs some parents £700+ per month to care for one child. Is that home cooked Oysters your giving him?And if £440 per month minimum is what I'm paying for ONE child - you surely have to allow for £600+ per month for two. Even though you forgo certain babycare items with older children, with a second child you need to rent an even bigger property and pay for double the clothes and food etc.
Bunk beds and hand me downs

I'm not saying NRP's should pay hand over fist but unless you've sat down and crunched the numbers for yourself then you can't really expect much sympathy for not wanting to properly provide for your own children in accordance with the CSA MINIMUM (20% of your earnings).

Never mind about what your wife is or isn't doing with her life - it's her life. But you just said your ex is out socialising and working, so if your questioning his life, why the hell can't he question what you're doing with yours and the money he gives you? Bit Hypocritical don't you think?You are not paying for her you just think you are because in paying for your children it means she has some of her own money for herself left over instead of having to spend every last penny providing for your children.
So where the hell is my left over money then... oh yeah in her purse.. that's fair

If you have genuine concerns that your children are not being properly provided for then you should consult Social Services, the children's GP or seek full custody through court proceedings. If you don't then you have to stop being so angry and learn to live within your means which includes paying 20% of your income to maintain two children you chose to bring into this world.
See post earlier

If you think I don't get angry sometimes about how much it costs me to provide for my child when there's someone out there living a great life then you're wrong. However when I have these thoughts I remind myself that I don't do it for him - I do it because I love my child and it is my responsibility to provide for him regardless of what the other parent is doing. I realised that if I kept the bad attitude my child would suffer in the long and you need to come to a similiar conclusion. What you're expected to pay is fair and it will benefit your children in the long run even if you can't see that now.

It is an honour and privalege to have children, not a right! treat it as so, and not a tool to winge and snipe because you can't afford it. If you cant afford it then let someone like the Father take over, the more posts I read on this site the more annoyed I get at the fact that these so called PWC's think that NRP's owe them a living for having their children.
I point you to an earlier quote, give us the children, you pay us, we won't ask for the world.

Zara33

Gosh you started so well...now you actually sound like master99.

BITTER

TheWaltons_3

I am sorry, but I have three children all under 2 and they do not cost me anywhere near £700 a month, or to be honest, even £300 a month.

My children do not do without, wear nice clothes, my daughter gets her feet measured regularly and gets Clarkes shoes and we go out every weekend.

We bough a Zoo Membership at £75 and can go to the Zoo every day of the year if we wished, and at the moment will be going every weekend as there is so much to do and my eldest never gets bored.

Children do not need all the toys and junk they buy, my daughter has so many books and toys it is unreal, and believe me, we do not have £200 a month left over to spend on each child.

My kids don't get second hand clothes and don't get used toys and aside from Nappies and baby milk, cost pennies a day to bring up.

repsolblade

How about this?
If the CSA say I should be paying £500 per month right now, and my ex gets that payment.
I go on the Dole and have to pay her £20 per month instead.
Where is she going to get the £480 deficit to make up for the loss of payment?
Will the CSA give it to her because She deserves it, and she is entitled to it?

Zara33

TheWaltons your children are under 2 years of age atm yes you are correct it won't cost much, but when they grow up they certainly cost you a lot more.

Zara33

repsolblade wrote: »

How about this?
If the CSA say I should be paying £500 per month right now, and my ex gets that payment.
I go on the Dole and have to pay her £20 per month instead.
Where is she going to get the £480 deficit to make up for the loss of payment?
Will the CSA give it to her because She deserves it, and she is entitled to it?

You will be re assessed so in theory you will not have £500 a month to give her, you will infact only be able to provide your children with £20 a month. It's all about your circumstances.

TheWaltons_3

repsolblade wrote: »

How about this?
If the CSA say I should be paying £500 per month right now, and my ex gets that payment.
I go on the Dole and have to pay her £20 per month instead.
Where is she going to get the £480 deficit to make up for the loss of payment?
Will the CSA give it to her because She deserves it, and she is entitled to it?

In my opinion, if you love your children and make sure they know that... and buy them what you can, then money shouldn't be an issue.

There are Mums on here whose partners have died and they are bringing up their kids very well, against all odds.

I would sooner my kids Dads proved his love for his children and shared the care than be forced to pay for them and suffer miserably.

BUT there are ar*seholes about,.

repsolblade

Zara33 wrote: »

Gosh you started so well...now you actually sound like master99.

BITTER

Sorry but it's been a bad day and to hear such unbelievable tales of woe and self pity is ridiculous.
I am so incensed by some of the comments and the bashing of NRP's that I had to speak out.
From Kellogs' posts of Legal tripe to bad Father name calling. That was not my intention, but I guess that is where we are at here.
It appears and will I'm sure be so for all of time that bitterness between ex's can only have a destructive conclusion with regards to Child welfare, and that is what I as a GOOD FATHER am interested in.
Then we have the CSA which is so so fundamentally flawed and the only people who stick up for it are those that either work there!! or benefit from it's communist type stance!
It's no wonder so many men are suicidal after the CSA get after them.

repsolblade

Zara33 wrote: »

You will be re assessed so in theory you will not have £500 a month to give her, you will infact only be able to provide your children with £20 a month. It's all about your circumstances.

Ok, but have you read my earlier post?
My point is, without sounding bitter, trust me I'm not, I'm just angry!
How can it be justified that I, pay £200 per month and there is no problem with that, be then told to pay £500.!
Be honest, how can an increase of £300 be justified??
What about me? what about my House? My partner? My Future?
Shall I just forsake everything because that's what the CSA want!