Is this Right?

missylou_2

Probably will in a few weeks, but right now am intent on simply enjoying the feeling of having just made my very last ever student loan repayment !!! (maybe should have studied accountancy though :rotfl: !!)

daisy_doughnut_2

missylou wrote: »

Am not making a dig at anyone here so please be nice!

How on earth can anyone completely fund the upkeep of two children on £200.00/month?

Admittedly am not that brilliant with finances, but I can't make that cover the necessary expenditure for one child.

thats what he contributes if the ex does the same then its 400 pounds

missylou_2

Sorry was referring to the post above mine by DJoiner as he said that is the amount he and his ex spent on the upkeep of their two children.

Was definitely not having a go, as DJoiner sounds exactly like the kind of caring father that most of the female posters on this board, (myself included) probably wish their children actually had, am just impressed by it.

DJoiner

£200 a month? Of course it's possible. I cooked from scratch mostly, of course we'd take them out occasionally but it would be a treat - not a weekly thing. kids don't need tvs etc in their rooms, they don't need to be taken on expensive days out, not when they're young anyway. My kids were more than happy taking the dog for a walk in the local woods, and they loved going camping. Unfortunately now they've moved out and have all these consoles and luxuries they're not quite the same.

It is possible to bring up 2 children on £200 a month, and like someone else said, that's the father's contribution. And whether the law agrees or not, i think the mother should do her best to contribute as well.

missylou_2

Thankfully for my son he has one hard working parent who makes a point of earning enough to cover all his needs, and most of his wants, as if he was reliant on NRP contributions then he would have gone without a long time ago!

Unfortunately for us we live in a very built up city centre so recreation all comes at a cost to us, in fact quite a high cost. I tend to forget not everyone has this restriction, hence the question.

DJoiner

missylou wrote: »

Thankfully for my son he has one hard working parent who makes a point of earning enough to cover all his needs, and most of his wants, as if he was reliant on NRP contributions then he would have gone without a long time ago!

Unfortunately for us we live in a very built up city centre so recreation all comes at a cost to us, in fact quite a high cost. I tend to forget not everyone has this restriction, hence the question.

Don't worry - i didn't take offence. We live in yorkshire, with beautiful countryside all around so there is always plenty to do for free!

Miss_Sunshine_6

missylou wrote: »

How on earth can anyone completely fund the upkeep of two children on £200.00/month?

Just gotta say I couldn't keep myself on £200 as a single 20year old female running a home with rent and bills-i'd bearly manage to cover council tax, gas, electric, water and food with that-i'd be over so god knows how £100 a month plus a measly offer of £18 Child Benefit from the government-feeds and clothes children-i'm the eldest of 6 and my mum cant work because my sister is severely disabled-my mum gets basic benefits and she is living in what can only be described as poverty-with no carpet on the stairs in her house as she only just makes ends meet-she wouldn't get any maintenace as 1 NRP is banged up for a very long time and the other isn't in the UK anymore-therefore out of UK Jurasdiction-so yeah-thoses that pay...nice one...those who don't..hope you can sleep at night!!

Elle00

Sorry I wasted an hour of my time supporting you Djoiner. If you genuinely believed £200pm was enough to support 2 children on then I don't understand why you've been giving your ex £800pm of your own free will.

Child maintenance is not pocket money contrary to a lot of absent parents' beliefs. Every child needs a stable home therefore where there isn't joint custody, the parent with care picks up the tab to provide this.

The rent I pay on my 2 bed flat is £650pcm compared to £500 were I to rent a studio flat for one person. I am therefore paying out £150pm to rent his nursery for starters.

My son also has furniture in this bedroom. He has a lampshade, curtains, rug, rocking chair for bedtime stories, changing table with cupboard underneath, toddler bed, duvet, pillow and bed linen plus mattress and wardrobe. These things cost me about £380 even though I purchased the changing table and rocking chair second hand (the bed linen, duvet and ventilated baby pillow cost £50 and that's WITH me stitching my own duvet covers from flat sheets).

My son also has clothes. He has 14 vests, 4 pairs of jammies, 5 or 6 tee-shirts, 3 or 4 l/s tops, 5 pairs of trousers, 4 pairs of shorts, two jackets, a coat, a sun hat, sandles and shoes. These cost me about £150.

My son then has around 80 toddler books which have cost me personally around £120 though of course many have been gifts. A book costs anywhere between £1.50 and £6.99 and if you'd seen the state of my local library you'd understand why I buy them myself. It's not exactly fair to make your children give back their favourite toys every week either and if my son loves books I'd like to encourage that thanks.

My son has toys and these have probably cost me in the region of £250 in the last six months. His trike was £40, his kitchen set was £30, his arts and crafts bits cost about £20 including non-toxic versions of paints and play-doh. The wide variety of toys and activities I am providing my son with is to give him a good start life and essential for his development. You can't just give a child a small box of cars and crayons day in, day out and expect them to be happy or make any progress.

My son eats on a daily basis too. This costs me about £40 per month.

My son wears nappies and these as well as wipes and nappy bags cost around £35pm.

My son has a bath every other day. This costs about £15 per month in water.

My son has to have his clothes washed and this costs me about £15pm in water, electric, non-bio powder and pure fabric conditioner.

My son enjoys a trip to the swimming pool and soft play area twice a month and this costs £7.50 a time including my swim fee and his swimming nappy so that's £15pm.

My son uses electricity to heat and light his nursery as well as indulge in the odd bit of CBeebies. This costs me around £15pm - more in winter due to our electric storage heaters.

My son has a car seat in the car to transport him round in which cost £75.

My son has a pushchair that I recently had to replace due to wear and tear and this cost £45.

If you calculate the buys that spread out over 6m they add up to £900 which is the equivilant of £170 per month. Then add on the monthly expenses and that's £440 a month I spend on caring for my son. Not including all the little things like petrol to take him to appointments or special days out to the local wildlife park or anything. Oh and of course I omitted the £140 expense of taking him on his first ever holiday to a caravan park in May including petrol and activities.

If it wasn't for tax credits I would also be paying £733pcm for childcare for the "privilege" of going to work full-time. Whilst my ex-husband is of course able to use me for free childcare whilst he works and socialises away without any consideration for what used to be our child or the responsibilities that entails.

Considering I cook meals from scratch too and I buy second-hand where safe and hygienic, I'm not suprised it costs some parents £700+ per month to care for one child. And if £440 per month minimum is what I'm paying for ONE child - you surely have to allow for £600+ per month for two. Even though you forgo certain babycare items with older children, with a second child you need to rent an even bigger property and pay for double the clothes and food etc.

I'm not saying NRP's should pay hand over fist but unless you've sat down and crunched the numbers for yourself then you can't really expect much sympathy for not wanting to properly provide for your own children in accordance with the CSA MINIMUM (20% of your earnings).

Never mind about what your wife is or isn't doing with her life - it's her life. You are not paying for her you just think you are because in paying for your children it means she has some of her own money for herself left over instead of having to spend every last penny providing for your children.

If you have genuine concerns that your children are not being properly provided for then you should consult Social Services, the children's GP or seek full custody through court proceedings. If you don't then you have to stop being so angry and learn to live within your means which includes paying 20% of your income to maintain two children you chose to bring into this world.

If you think I don't get angry sometimes about how much it costs me to provide for my child when there's someone out there living a great life then you're wrong. However when I have these thoughts I remind myself that I don't do it for him - I do it because I love my child and it is my responsibility to provide for him regardless of what the other parent is doing. I realised that if I kept the bad attitude my child would suffer in the long and you need to come to a similiar conclusion. What you're expected to pay is fair and it will benefit your children in the long run even if you can't see that now.

kelloggs36

DJoiner wrote: »

£200 a month? Of course it's possible. I cooked from scratch mostly, of course we'd take them out occasionally but it would be a treat - not a weekly thing. kids don't need tvs etc in their rooms, they don't need to be taken on expensive days out, not when they're young anyway. My kids were more than happy taking the dog for a walk in the local woods, and they loved going camping. Unfortunately now they've moved out and have all these consoles and luxuries they're not quite the same.

It is possible to bring up 2 children on £200 a month, and like someone else said, that's the father's contribution. And whether the law agrees or not, i think the mother should do her best to contribute as well.

How is the mother NOT making a contribution? Surely by virtue of the fact that she is caring for the child is making a contribution - in many cases a sacrifice has been made to do this and this translate to a financial sacrifice. She may work part time in order to ensure that she can be there for her children as much as possible or if not, then childcare costs an absolute fortune - way in excess of your 200 pounds per month contribution in itself without all the other costs, so yes, she does indeed make a contribution which is why the CSA do not take her income into consideration as this fact is recognised. Some months it may not cost every penny that you pay in maintenance, and others it will be much more - there will be peak times of the year when things cost more money such as buying school uniforms, paying for trips, buying every day clothes and shoes. As they grow older they do eat more. For 2 children this isn't a big contribution and I am surprised at your naivety in the costings.

rebbonk

With the greatest of respect, (I have been watching thes boards for many months) many women only want the children as a meal ticket. My ex has constantly tried to bleed me dry for the last 15 years, and now she has no further need of "her" children she has thrown them out. Yes, good old dad is here to pick up the pieces, find acomodation for two teenagers, and show them how to feed and look after themselves. My ex wife never made any effort to care or look after the children, the facts of which are only now becoming clear. She even gandered off to america chasing after some bloke that she met on the net, leaving the children with anyone that would have them.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter, but some of the trite things that get said on these boards seriously brass me off. Not all blokes are !!!!less fathers, some of us were denied the option. Equally please don't assume all mothers are good ones because they aren't