Housing/neighbour issue

Top_Girl

marisco wrote: »

Bloke sounds a few cards short of a full deck to me. What a cheek he has looking down on people, and forming negative opinion of them based solely on where they live. All whilst seeing nothing wrong with behaving in an aggressive and intimidating manner toward his neighbours, and swearing at young children to boot.

The irony being that I've worked since my son was 18 months old, been a single mother for four years and managed to pay for and obtain a degree in that time, whilst not only holding down a job, but being promoted twice. When my son is in high school, I intend to train as a teacher and had always hoped to eventually buy my house as we've generally been happy and well liked round here.

He inherited a bought council house from a relative and hasn't worked a day in the nine years I've been here.

I felt sorry for him when we first moved here and I used to make a point of passing the time of day with him if I saw him, knowing he had alienated everyone else and has no visitors. I was warned about him by other neighbours but decided to make my own judgements. I've made them now!

TBagpuss

It sounds as though you are doing all you can, and given the back ground, with the support of the neighbours, the evidence that the Police have been involved before and the advise you've been given I think it is very unlikely that your tenancy will be at risk.

Until very recently I lived in a cul-de-sac - the houses were all small and the gardens tiny, and the children did all play out in the street. There were certainly times when it was annoying (and occasionally when it was terrifying, as there were some irresponsible parents who allowed their very young children to play out without supervision, and some people who would drive far too fast for the street)

unfortuantely, there wasn't anywhere else really that the children could play. I did find that a polite request to the children themselves if they were doing something that affected me (an a brief explanation of why I was asking) was enough to address most issues, and that a polite request to the parents sorted most of the others. There were exceptions, but I think it is worth making the point that the children and their parents are as entitled to make use of shared spaces as adults are.

Given his insistance that your son was causing problems when he was, in fact 100 miles away is fairly clear evidence that this is not really about whether your son is loud or whether kids should play in the street. it's about a nasty neighbour with a bee in his bonnet, and I wish you all the best in trying to deal with him. But it sounds as though the Police and HA have a fair idea about what he is like, already.

Top_Girl

Thanks TBagpuss.

I have quite 'noisy' attached neighbours (we're in a semi) who have three under 10s in a 2 bed house and generally I turn up the tv on an evening and leave them to it unless they're keeping my son awake/its after 10 on a school night, which I think is reasonable as I'm up at 6. Their dad is a taxi driver and their mum is a SAHM so I understand evening peace isn't generally something that occurs to them, but I just give them a quiet knock and ask them to keep it down a bit, as a civilised neighbour would do.

If I had the slightest inclination that my son was carrying on or damaging property, he'd be grounded and privilege-less for a week and he knows it. I know how hard it can be on your own unless there is a fairly rigid framework and established rules and boundaries and I would not tolerate that kind of behaviour.

Just before he broke up for the summer, he won a school award for his manners, out of the whole school. He's a bit lippy with me at times as they tend to be, but he minds his manners with other adults.

Buzzybee90

Top_Girl wrote: »

The irony being that I've worked since my son was 18 months old, been a single mother for four years and managed to pay for and obtain a degree in that time, whilst not only holding down a job, but being promoted twice. When my son is in high school, I intend to train as a teacher and had always hoped to eventually buy my house as we've generally been happy and well liked round here.

He inherited a bought council house from a relative and hasn't worked a day in the nine years I've been here.

I felt sorry for him when we first moved here and I used to make a point of passing the time of day with him if I saw him, knowing he had alienated everyone else and has no visitors. I was warned about him by other neighbours but decided to make my own judgements. I've made them now!

How does he get by if he doesn't work? To me 'council house scum' refers to benefit street type people swindling the system, not everyone that lives on an estate.

Top_Girl

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

How does he get by if he doesn't work? To me 'council house scum' refers to benefit street type people swindling the system, not everyone that lives on an estate.

I can only assume it's stick related, although he didn't need it for support when he was threatening me.

Although, I don't know the full inheritance details either, only that an elderly aunt disappeared one day and he introduced himself as her nephew.

amus

esmerelda98 wrote: »

There might a gap between your neighbour's perception and reality on occasion, and he can express himself better, but I have no doubt your son and his football-playing chums are causing a nuisance to some of your neighbours. How can they turn the street into a playground without doing so, especially if it is not a car-less street? The noise and chaos moves from a relatively secluded back garden to the front of other people's homes (probably why some parents encourage it) and the front of a property is often more open than the back. Noise travels more easily, there is greater worry about broken windows, trespassing to retrieve balls and more risk in taking a walk down the road.

It is not your neighbour's fault that you are living in a home that is unsuitable for your needs. You could inconvenience yourself more and take your son to the park more often but you'd rather inconvenience your neighbour instead. There is also a lot of outside play your son can do that doesn't involve football. However with an entitled attitude you will only continue to experience aggravation.

People do not have the right, contrary to what they may believe, to live in their homes without hearing any outside noise whatsoever.

What exactly are kids supposed to do? Sit at home on the couch all day so they don't disrupt sensitive neighbours? The attitudes towards kids these days from some people are unbelievable.

Curently my patio doors are open and I can hear a lawnmower, cars driving past, some sort of power tool (think someone is having an extension built) and kids next door playing on their trampoline. So what? Get over it.

Unless the kids are trespassing on or causing damage to his property he needs to get over it and mind his own business or move to the middle of nowhere.

One of my pet hates are grumpy people who concern themselves too much with what other people are doing when they should concentrate on getting a life or minding their own business.

Buzzybee90

amus wrote: »

People do not have the right, contrary to what they may believe, to live in their homes without hearing any outside noise whatsoever.

What exactly are kids supposed to do? Sit at home on the couch all day so they don't disrupt sensitive neighbours? The attitudes towards kids these days from some people are unbelievable.

Curently my patio doors are open and I can hear a lawnmower, cars driving past, some sort of power tool (think someone is having an extension built) and kids next door playing on their trampoline. So what? Get over it.

Unless the kids are trespassing on or causing damage to his property he needs to get over it and mind his own business or move to the middle of nowhere.

One of my pet hates are grumpy people who concern themselves too much with what other people are doing when they should concentrate on getting a life or minding their own business.

Do this, most idyllic childhood ever.

esmerelda98

marisco wrote: »

I cant help but feel esmerelda that your response to the OP was harsh and judgemental. Most people are happy to show tolerance toward local children playing in the street outside their home. It is all part and parcel of living in a civilised and friendly community. I love to hear the local kids playing and to see them having fun.

If I felt any concerns about their behaviour at any time, I would approach their parents in a calm and polite way and discuss it with them. It is a shame that the OPs neighbour chooses to handle things in such an unnecessarily aggressive manner. Issues get solved far quicker when you simply apply common sense and use manners, rather than speak rudely to others.

The OP comes across to me as a responsible, loving and caring mum, who I have no doubt is raising her child to be considerate and thoughtful. Not someone who has an entitled attitude and takes the stance of my son can do what he likes and to hell with the rest of them.

I love seeing and hearing children play too, just not in the street. Don't make me out to be some curmudgeonly child-hater. I am not. I didn't and don't condone his manner but the unless her tenancy is at risk, the OP has decided that the street is the place for her son to play regardless of any one else's feelings on the matter. It is a matter of fact that she has put her convenience above her neighbour's comfort, I don't understand what is judgemental (What is that anyway? Expressing a negative opinion?) about saying that.

There is nothing civilised about children playing in the street. It is a cultural practice some adopt. Some may be motivated by small garden sizes and avoiding the inconvenience of making their way down to playing fields, parks or playgrounds, and some feel it's a relatively safe place for their children to play with others whilst still having a bit of peace in their own personal space.

The street is for people to come and go, perhaps interact and pass the time of day, not go about with their heart in their mouths, worrying whether today is the day the football will hit their head (again) or they'll be knocked over by a child running at the speed of light. And we are all assuming it's just good-natured play. Children in groups often behave in ways they wouldn't individually, bad language, baiting those who dare to take them to task, taking over the street, as well as proper anti-social behaviour. Maybe not in this case, but it happens.

I'm not old or frail, and I don't use a walking stick, but I'd be wary if the children where I live took to using the streets as a playground. I've nursed many an elderly person who was coping well on their own, sometimes independently, before a fall. It's not just the physical healing they had to contend with, many totally lost their confidence and never returned home. It was sometimes hard to believe that the elderly person clinging to you for dear life because they are so afraid of falling again could have been coping alone just a short while before, so diminished have they become, in such a short space of time. This is something to consider with apparently curmudgeonly elderly busybodies. If parents who put their children out to play would actually sit on the pavement and supervise them, they might not get such resentment building.

esmerelda98

amus wrote: »

People do not have the right, contrary to what they may believe, to live in their homes without hearing any outside noise whatsoever.

What exactly are kids supposed to do? Sit at home on the couch all day so they don't disrupt sensitive neighbours? The attitudes towards kids these days from some people are unbelievable.

Curently my patio doors are open and I can hear a lawnmower, cars driving past, some sort of power tool (think someone is having an extension built) and kids next door playing on their trampoline. So what? Get over it.

Unless the kids are trespassing on or causing damage to his property he needs to get over it and mind his own business or move to the middle of nowhere.

One of my pet hates are grumpy people who concern themselves too much with what other people are doing when they should concentrate on getting a life or minding their own business.

I'm not sure where you got the idea that I expect to live in silence, but don't let that stop your pointless tirade. I'm not very noise-sensitive, thank goodness. I do feel very sorry for those that are, however, not because of the children per se, because they just need guidance, but because of the parents these days who often create the little monsters that make the lives of others a misery.

barbiedoll

This guy is just a bully, that's why he "targets" single mums. He knows that they haven't got a big, burly bloke indoors to go round and argue with him.

Yes, kids playing in the street can sometimes be a nusiance, in the same way that old people on mobility scooters can sometimes be a nusiance, as are people who don't clear up after their dogs and people who park like idiots. The world is full of nusiances, we all have something to moan about!

There is no legislation, nor HA law, that bans children from playing in the street UNLESS they are damaging property or causing disturbance late at night, for instance. The diaries and witnesses will back up OP's story, I don't think that she is going to be thrown out on the street!

Shame that he owns his house though, you have no chance of getting him evicted.