Household chores - curious about opinions

minerva_windsong

I have an OH who likes housework and is very particular about how it's done so does the bulk of the chores (I only do washing, ironing - not his shirts though - taking the bin out, loading and unloading the dishwasher and tidy/hoover/wipe down when needed), and I feel incredibly guilty about it. I'm really grateful that he does it and always say thank you, but I always feel like I'm not pulling my weight even though he always says no whenever I offer to help! I would quite happily do more but for some reason I find it really nerve-wracking as I worry I'm going to somehow 'do it wrong' so often it's just easier to let him get on with it...

Counter

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Remember, many men have had mummy doing everything for them, and so the natural order is for little wifey/female partner to do it for them, once they've got them living with them. This is what happens, more often than not.

I never quite understand why people who know men who don't do any housework attribute this to the fact that their mum did everything for them when they were children. Surely mum (and dad) do everything for their daughters aswell when they are children.

maman

Counter wrote: »

I never quite understand why people who know men who don't do any housework attribute this to the fact that their mum did everything for them when they were children. Surely mum (and dad) do everything for their daughters aswell when they are children.

I think it's because in previous generations (when most mums were SAHMs and dads were the breadwinners) that even if daughters were looked after the mums still presented a role model of doing everything domestic for the family. If they wanted any help they only ever asked daughters to help with house chores. If sons did anything it was 'masculine' jobs to do with cars/bins/garden.


It's not like that now. Women have equality of opportunity in terms of education/training/jobs/earning power. But some people have inherited OHs that hanker after the way it was. To be fair there are still women who are quite happy with that and men that are happy to let them. I think it's called conservatism (note small c).;)

JIL

We just seem to muddle along. I do tend to do most of the cooking but whilst I am doing that he may help by chopping some veg or he may be doing some washing or other household bits. We don't have set chores it just seems to get done.
It works for us.

Happier_Me

Interesting thread.

We have been together 18 years and I can't recall any issues with splitting household chores pre children.

Hubby learnt to cook when DD arrived and enjoys it. He often cooks in the week. He mows the lawn, puts out the bins, does his own ironing and sometime even the kids ironing for the week (recent development).

I do most of the cleaning, a good chunk of the cooking, the shopping and finances so the household chores feel evenly split but the kids are 6 and 9 now and it has taken years to get to this point.

The issue for us is childcare.

We both work full time. DH works a 48 hour week and I work a 37 hour week but my job is high pressured and the hours I actually work increase significantly if its needed, although I am trying to manage this better. I earn a lot more money than DH. He loves the money I earn but also expects that I work flexibly enough to take the children to and from school a couple of days a week and manage all the things that come with school age children. The job on the other hand demands a lot of my time and energy so the two clash regularly. His hours prevents him from helping and unlike me he wouldn't even consider a job move to support more.

I constantly clock watch monday to Friday and I find it exhausting try to fit in everything that's expected of me. Its not that DH doesn't appreciate my efforts he has just gotten used to it. A high earning wife that manages to pull off what he and the kids think are part time hours through 5am starts etc etc.

For all the single working parents out there I am in awe of how you do all this and still remain sane.

I will be reducing my hours and dropping to a less demanding job at Christmas though so the balance between my home and working life should be addressed soon.

Fosterdog

Me and OH have very different standards when it comes to housework and cleaning.

He is very much a quick swish and swipe once over and will get around the whole house in half an hour. I am more a do it properly or why bother and each room takes me half an hour.

We tend to make it work by me doing the deep clean stuff but less often and he does the quick bits to keep on top of it.

I work longer hours than him, yesterday for example he started work an hour before me but finished four hours before me, I work two to three lates a week where I'm not home until 9ish, the last thing I want to do then is housework when OH has been in the house since 2ish.

I tend to do all of the cooking, I love to cook and prefer to cook from scratch, OH would eat micro meals every day if he was on his own. On a late shift I prepare the meal in the morning and OH puts it on so its's ready when I get home. I can't stand washing dishes so OH thats OHs job.

OH is a much messier person than me, I lived on my own for four years before we met and my house was always tidy, I cleaned as I went along and it never got messy. OH spends half an hour on his own and it looks like a tornado has hit. I refuse to clean up after him when he makes that much needless mess.

We manage to make it work for us mostly.

NoGoodNamesLeft

OH does most of the cooking and day to day housework as he is at home. I usually clean the bathroom and help with the cooking when I am home in time. It works for us.