Household chores - curious about opinions

jjj1980

I'm probably not going to be popular for asking this but am genuinely interested in opinions.

Here goes.... Following other recent topics, it has got me thinking about the split of housework when a couple live together.

My opinion has always been that you don't move in together to either become the cook/cleaner/housemaid for the other nor have it all done for you. If you stayed living apart, you would do everything for yourself, every day. So it should be a benefit that cooking meals is alternated each day. If only one person is eating, they cook and clean up themselves.

Washing put in altogether, alternated each time but you each do own ironing.

Be responsible for own things, tidy own things away once used.

If children live in house, care for them is split equally.

It's always been my thought that if living alone, a person would have to do 100% of jobs for themselves and cannot understand why there should be any decrease just because you move in with someone. I certainly wouldn't expect or want anyone to do any tasks for me that I was perfectly able of doing myself. Hence the taking equal turns with all cooking and housework.

ska_lover

I think a lot of couples kind of split the jobs into 'his' and 'hers' - as in she might take control of the washing machine and he the lawnmower.

It also depends on what the ratio of working hours are, as in if one person works far less hours, than some folk factor household chores in, so the person working less hours, picks up more of the household bits and pieces

lulu_92

We work very erratic hours - I'm out of the house for 14 hours a day and he works from mid morning until late evening.

We tend to pick up whatever needs doing, whenever it needs doing.

For example. I'm at work right now, OH is on his break. He's done a bit of food shopping. When I get home later I'll probably sort the washing out and generally tidy up.

When we're off together we will spend a day blasting through it all together.

The only job he has is the ironing because my clothes don't really crease that bad.

I do wish he would make the bed though!

Kayalana99

I always find this a tough one, I generally do all the 'cleaning' of the house (although we are not the most tidy of people) but my partner works 45 hour weeks.

We have two kids, he does the cooking and takes his share of the kids ofc when he is here...but whilst I am at home enjoying the time with the children I see this as the only fair way....weekends are for enjoyment with family so can you really expect him to work 45 hours ..come home cook tea...then spend the evening doing chores before bed? Not enough hours in the day.

Ofc ..there is the weekend..but when you only get two days a week off feel they should be enjoyed. Just me though I guess.

AnnieO1234

I'm traditionalist up to a point. DH works away in week so there are lots of jobs he simply can't and I wouldn't expect (trust?) him to do. Laundry for one. That said, there are some things which are his domain like the lawn and garden, cars are mine and DIY is split equally.

Xx

roobee13

I'm with ska - we generally divvy things up as there's certain jobs I like/hate and vice versa.

I've never ironed at item in my life. Firm believer of drying flat and it will look fine, even if it doesn't I just don't care, oops! However my OH wouldn't dream of leaving the house in even a t shirt that isn't ironed, so he does all of that. He has been known to make me that off a cardi / t shirt to iron for me as he thinks its creased! Oh how I wish it could bother me, lol.

My jobs are generally - hoovering, all dog related stuff (seen as they are mine), bathroom and admin. His are - dusting, kitchen, garden. Shared jobs are cooking, washing up and washing.

I think we're pretty lucky as a year in to living together we've never had to argue about housework so we must be doing something right.

It's really tough though as I know so many couples where the division of labour at home is so unequal, but OP is right, you'd be doing it if you lived alone so why does is suddenly fall to someone else when you live with them? I agree with an element of doing things for your partner but for some people there is a fine line between that and getting lazy! IMO

Edit - we both work full time, Mon - Fri and out of the house between 7:30 and 6, not sure if it's relevant!

splishsplash

Standards vary from person to person also. If one person thinks that the carpets need to be vacuumed very day and the other thinks once a month is fine, who decides which is the way to go?
Likewise with bedding - if you like to change your bedding once a week and your partner prefers to wait until the covers walk to the laundry basket by themselves, where do you draw the line?

Not always as cut and dried as you may think, imho.

lostinrates

jjj1980 wrote: »

I'm probably not going to be popular for asking this but am genuinely interested in opinions.

Here goes.... Following other recent topics, it has got me thinking about the split of housework when a couple live together.

My opinion has always been that you don't move in together to either become the cook/cleaner/housemaid for the other nor have it all done for you. very true! If you stayed living apart, you would do everything for yourself, every day. So it should be a benefit that cooking meals is alternated each day. this seems kind of like equality for the sake of it. Suppose one loves cooking and the other hates it, or one is a terrible cook and one is a good cook, or one works better hours for cooking? ] If only one person is eating, they cook and clean up themselves.clean up yes, cook? Not necessarily. To cook a meal with the 'main cooking' that can be simply warmed can save a lot on energy usage and in ingredients bizarrely, its generally easier to cook economically for the whole family, but certainly clean up. ( or load the dishwasher and wipe the table.)

Washing put in altogether, alternated each time but you each do own ironing.we do this differently, I do my husbands washing and mine ( or he will if he is here and a load needs doing, and he does his own where he lives away if it needs doing,) and I do the house hold washing , things like cleaning cloths, curtains, dog washing, but the parent who lives with us does own washing out of choice.

Be responsible for own things, tidy own things away once used.yes, in an ideal world. But, not always ideal!

If children live in house, care for them is split equally.why? Some families opt to have a sahp parent, some don't. A sahp is by default going to be a greater care giver in number of hours. Not necessarily quality.

It's always been my thought that if living alone, a person would have to do 100% of jobs for themselves and cannot understand why there should be any decrease just because you move in with someone. I certainly wouldn't expect or want anyone to do any tasks for me that I was perfectly able of doing myself. Hence the taking equal turns with all cooking and housework.

Well, that's true, there is a gain in living together of shared tasks and some more time. . There is also the fact you have some time lost to sharing each other's 'idea of fun'. ( this weekend for example we had my dh's friends here for a weekend of his sort of thing). And between the two people its possible to get more done, and take on more.

moomoomama27

My husband and I are a partnership, we do equal amounts around the home, sometimes one picks up the slack if the other is working longer hours or more days, but no job is for a specific person, we just have a daily chore list and things just get done, no one doing more than the other. It works well for us

Lily-Rose_3

jjj1980 wrote: »

I'm probably not going to be popular for asking this but am genuinely interested in opinions.

Here goes.... Following other recent topics, it has got me thinking about the split of housework when a couple live together.

My opinion has always been that you don't move in together to either become the cook/cleaner/housemaid for the other nor have it all done for you. If you stayed living apart, you would do everything for yourself, every day. So it should be a benefit that cooking meals is alternated each day. If only one person is eating, they cook and clean up themselves. Washing put in altogether, alternated each time but you each do own ironing.

It's always been my thought that if living alone, a person would have to do 100% of jobs for themselves and cannot understand why there should be any decrease just because you move in with someone.

Good points JJJ, but we all know it rarely works like this in reality.

Inevitably, once a couple get married/start living together long-term, the woman will almost always end up doing most of the household chores and childcare. (In the majority of cases...)

Remember, many men have had mummy doing everything for them, and so the natural order is for little wifey/female partner to do it for them, once they've got them living with them. This is what happens, more often than not.

The politically correct and people who claim they are so ultra-modern on here, will deny this to the hilt.

Should be an interesting thread. Think I'll go and get some popcorn.

maman

jjj1980 wrote: »

It's always been my thought that if living alone, a person would have to do 100% of jobs for themselves and cannot understand why there should be any decrease just because you move in with someone. I certainly wouldn't expect or want anyone to do any tasks for me that I was perfectly able of doing myself. Hence the taking equal turns with all cooking and housework.

I don't disagree with you but one of the (many:)) pluses of living with someone can be that you get to spend time together so if you share the workload that frees up time.


My DH often tells people that we have a 'division of labour' in our home. He's determined to pull his weight and wouldn't dream of expecting me to do everything. We share up the jobs according to our particular aptitudes and preferences.