Life begins again at 45

Bubblesmum

Evening dear diary and friends

well not such a great 36 hours been struggling somewhat and yesterdays chores still incomplete

Yesterday morning started ok, I concentrated on the info for my friend in church and found it really interesting and will contribute to my CPD. Looking at housing for people with Learning Disabilities.

Then massage - wasn't too painful. We talked films, tango, books. Mr BMD arrived and after a very speedy lunch off out for a walk. it was so cold and I was glad I went and tracked down a spare hot water bottle. Rather pleased with this :money: as I have managed to lose one while out and about, and my mini one sprung a leak. I hah had to buy a spare while away a couple of years ago, and i had knitted a new cover, it was in my tub to go on Etsey.

Got back and I was freezing but got on with jobs, if at snail pace.

OH joined me to sort our forthcoming trip to Tetbury out, and then we made a spontaneous decision as it was pay day to go to the local kebab shop for tea. We were having lamb stew so thats in fridge for Sunday - we went on to the pub quiz and was a night out we both appreciated at the time, I on the other hand am struggling today.

Lights out last night at midnight

I achieved -

1. General chores including wrapping paper box but not orchids
2. Posted on local sites the requests for props
3. Emailed re CD @ Greeno
4. Started Housing and LD research
5. Mr BMD and Massage
6. Ocado order

I keep thinking I'm not achieving a lot but OH says he can see that I am.

The negative inner voice is rampart at the mo

beanielou

Well I can see you are not achieving a lot

Bubblesmum

Morning all

Feeling a lot better today, CF levels were :eek::eek::eek: yesterday; at lunchtime trying to have a coherent conversation with OH and the words just wouldn't flow. This is what really worries me about paid employment, as I just cant really anticipate them, and that would mean sick leave related to my disability which I have always tried to avoid.

So what did I achieve yesterday...

1. A few more general chores including watering the orchid.
2. Mr BMD visited and I walked up to the Greeno Day Centre with the coffee and tea left over from Christmas Day - another bag left the house!
3. While dropping off met an ex client who I really enjoyed being with, we are going to go for coffee - she looked really well :T:T
4. Fell asleep with Mr BMD for 40 afternoon winks
5. Finished my library book - "the organised mind" which had some really gems in it, but was really hard going, as the authir tried to pack in so much info. I am nearly up to the max renewals - so did feel i had accomplished something.
6. Finished one knitted hat for the homeless project and started another while watching Casualty and Vera

OH made Nigella's Express Macaroni cheese which was lush. Four portions so 2 have gone in the freezer.

Was aiming early to bed but didn't really happen.

Failing on wellbeing exercise vitamins diet etc

Bubblesmum

Although awake at a reasonable time, the day started with morning cuddles with these two:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/44325894@N08/shares/75yW1n

I hope this link works, having a nightmare with trying to upload them.

Two cups of tea later, MSE diary and a bit of my new book... One Hundred Years of Solitude. Mr Gaston the oldest decided enough of family bonding his radiator bed came calling. :rotfl::rotfl: OH decided shower and breakfast, then followed his shadow....

They have just delivered coffee to me, OH pushing his trolley ( he cant carry anything has one arm) and Gertie the kitten riding on the bottom shelf - its quite a sight.

So priorities was to up date on here.

this morning, or whats left of it will be chores. Daddy is coming at 2pm, he and OH are off to Twickenham for the rugby.

Then I have to decide what I can do before getting ready to go out tonight to see Jason. There now seems to be a crowd going as I was offered a spare ticket. Actually I could really pass - I've got to drive, public trans is a nightmare, and the getting tarted up etc... but I cant let friends down.

So I had intended to go to knit and natter today and drop off some makes... well you know my start to the day already.

Then I thought hobbycr@ft and a swim but its Saturday and I don't fancy the crowds in town and getting scooter out of car numerous times) need something for a prop and I have discount till Mon

I have to go out this afternoon and get Grumpy Uncle's card, so I think its just a trip to the village and then tart up at home.

So the list is

1. Kitchen tidy (assisted by OH)
2. Washing (assisted by OH)
3. 40 Acts catch up
4. Menu and update spreadsheet Grocery challenge
5. Uncle Card - mmm wonder if I can find suitable one on Moonpig !
6. Reply to prop offers
7. See if i can move Pilates to Thursday next week
8. Financial update
9. [STRIKE]Tart myself up.......[/STRIKE]
10. [STRIKE]and go out to see Jason[/STRIKE]

beanielou

Will you slow down woman!!!!
Which colour cat is the kitten?

Bubblesmum

beanielou wrote: »

Will you slow down woman!!!!
Which colour cat is the kitten?

:rotfl::rotfl: Thanks Beanielou

They are both British Blues - here is a picture of Gertie the kitten!

https://flic.kr/p/Eq8tjP

Well I have slowed down - I'm not going out tonight . I admitted a couple of hours ago that i am not up to the 1 hour drive - so have pulled out.

I have though been into the village - dropped stuff at the charity shop, popped into the hardware store for carpet shampoo, the library, the card shop and M& S petrol shop for eggs.

I was proud of myself in the little M & S. I was craving comfort - but conscious of signing up to the March Grocery challenge, I put back, a magazine, chicken legs and a salmon sandwich. Picked up a loaf of bread and came home and opened a tin of salmon lurking in the cupboard.

Going to sit down to Call the Midwife .... and a cuppa

Bubblesmum

Morning dear diary and friends.

Today I type with a heavy heart, I keep telling myself its my hormones, and these feelings will pass but I also know its the time of the month when those feelings I keep buried, raise their ugly heads and are more vivid.

I have no one to share them with but you.

Yesterday, I had been so excited about seeing Jason Donovan on tour a real treat, tickets were booked the day tickets went live. Then my friend expressed interest that he would come with me and my OH was over joyed. Then OH got tickets for Rugby. Now my second ticket is a carers one, and actually now a days I can't drive long distances at night. My friend does not drive. So from Christmas when I realised that dates clashed and OH who normally would take me couldn't. I knew in my heart of hearts I wasn't going.

Last night OH stated it was the right choice not to go... I bit my lip ....but just now I have lost it "right choice, actually no choice - couldn't get there by public transport, couldn't drive etc etc"

My Dad when I told him why I wasn't going... said he would pick me up... well as he was with OH - I still needed a magic carpet to get there.

The friends who went sent me pictures, telling me they missed me - it feels like rubbing salt in the would, not intentionally, not appreciating the situation I am in - why would they?

On top of this two extra things last night:

OH says he understands but how can he - he has never not been able to do the things he wants to do - work, drive, socialise.

A friend who disappeared from my life abruptly last year sent me a long message. Since then I have tried to keep my head down, so as not to say something I shouldn't - I saw a lot of her after she experienced work stress burnout and stopped work, she has gone back to work and doesn't seem to have learnt from past experience. with my prof hat on I can see many warning signs but I see little point in highlighting them. However the sentance that got me was "once again I have let you down, and not been there" which would have been appreciated if it wasn't wrapped round the longer post which included meeting up with a long lost friend for a coffee,and all her anxieties.

I am struggling with a gracious reply.

I am typing this back in bed.... so !!!!ed off with the world.

I've been to church, played my role, and come home again. completed my 40 Acts yesterday, which had lots of messages I need to listen to but I'm so angry, they are not reaching me.

i cant seem to stop the tears,

Bubblesmum

Dear diary and friends

Thank you for listening to me earlier today. Life has got better, thanks to Miss Kitten who broke the ice by helping herself to cherry and evaporate milk jelly!

It seems a tad pathetic about getting upset about a pop concert, I think more it's about my independence that I feel is gradually grinding away.

Watched the end of Philadelphia Story - when did BBC 2 start showing great films again. Cary Grant, Katherine Hepburn and Jimmy Stewart bliss.

I've also made a sponge cake. It's cooling awaiting decoration.

I've got to set my alarm early, and creep across the road, and leave a helium balloon, bottle of bubbly and birthday cake, to celebrate my friends 40th... As she's grumpy about being 40 I've got everything for her 10th birthday which of course it's technically is :rotfl::rotfl:

Been served a glass of vino, lamb casserole from freezer baked spuds and veg for tea, plus apple crumble from freezer to use up the soya cream I opened on Friday as I had run out of milk about to be served.

Thanks for being there .....

Bubblesmum

Morning dear diary and friends

Another Monday another Fresh Start

I was awake before OH alarm went off at 6 - creeped across road with bubbly, balloon and cake - gate was ajar to my relief as it squeaks - have yet to go out to see if they've been found!

Cake was very :money: as made from all store cupboard ingredients, used up, vanilla filling, St@rk, chocolate both drinking and fridge remnants.

Bubbly bag was recycled too! Along with Cake "sweet" tin

Been supping tea and reading "Grandcat having extended sleepover diary" Its very addictive...:rotfl:

I have ducked out of Pilates today couldn't face the hour round trip drive.

So todays to do list is:

1. Bedroom/washing
2. Kitchen clear up
3. Today's 40 Acts /Quiet time
4. Weekly menu/update grocery challenge
5. prop catch up in readiness for tonight
6. Financial updates
7. BBD - Independent practice and ins reg
8. Old client arrange - coffee this week
9. swimming
10. Hobbycraft

I have the radio iplayer on - Friday Night is Music Night - Songs of the Sixties - after watching Call the Midwife, its definitely the era I love but perhaps thats because My Mum was a young wife in that decade, and I have a longing for her, and my grandmother.

I think today will definitely be 15 min challenges - i hate clearing the kitchen after cooking :rotfl::rotfl:

Bubblesmum

This has been a good start to the week.

At payday we were able to pay off 11.5% of our joint debt - sure this is because of being more :money: vigilant

I today have paid back from personal pocket money to joint £48 from old debts :T

I have had some bookkeeping work paid £260 from last November. OH has asked me to hold this back for NI and a course that I have signed up for. (Work/CPD)

We have signed up to grocery challenge and its really making us think on spends. :T

We have done one small spend on Kenwood replacement parts - liquidiser and bowl guard - which have already both been used over weekend.