new baby on the way... family rift...WWYD?

nai87_2

Morning all. I can understand where everyone is coming from. If I need help, I have a heck of a lot of people to help out with and dad isn't the only person I have in my life. I haven't relied on him for over 10 years not out of choice.

There has been many times where I was barely 16 17 18 at college with no funds that he has asked me to look after his dog while they go on month long holidays. I did say yes and stay there. A bit like living there... but they will have cleared out the fridge and kitchen of edible things before going. This is not a one off occurrence. ...

I don't see how I would need his help one day if I had to have fended for myself for a very long time

regarding family events, he has come on his own, i.e. my wedding/reception, birthdays etc so it is done that way and has been for 4 years. he has accepted that.

He is kicking off due to the fact he wants to have this baby overnight 50 miles away with that woman and HER SISTER living across the road from that woman. not a chance in hell.

Spendless

nai87 wrote: »

regarding family events, he has come on his own, i.e. my wedding/reception, birthdays etc so it is done that way and has been for 4 years. he has accepted that.

He is kicking off due to the fact he wants to have this baby overnight 50 miles away with that woman and HER SISTER living across the road from that woman. not a chance in hell.

But you say your step mum is your dad's ex wife, so for how long of that 4 years were they not together.

I'm not entirely sure why you've posted 'wwyd' if you are adamant what you going to do, other than to vent, which is perfectly ok, I've done it plenty of times.

It isn't unreasonable to say a baby isn't staying away overnight. You may be breastfeeding for example and your Dad needs to accept this.

You seem to have a great deal of anger towards your step mum and her sister. It was your ex that cheated on you, shouldn't you be cross with him? Anger doesn't do anything beneficial in the long run, just eats away at you. Your emotions are probably stronger at the minute too due to pregnancy hormones.

As I said, I don't come from my viewpoint because I'm from a family who all go off like the waltons, far from it and you know what, every previous feud has been got over, including some that lasted years.

nai87_2

they haven't been together roughly 18mnths i think from top of my head Spendless.

of course I'm mad at the two as i do know it takes two to tango, but like the other person said.. its the stepmother who basically said 'get over it, you are not blood you are not family' therefore she is nobody right? she hurt me and she still does by looking at me like a piece of s**t.

she still won't apologise and she makes it very clear she has no plans to.

i am asking mainly due to the fact am i right to feel this way and impose this rule? i feel i am, just needed to see from another perspective.

i suppose its not very often people have been in my situation especially the step aunt and the ex thing.

i have always felt because she doesnt have kids, she broke a marriage up and made a man leave his kids behind like rubbish and now she wants to paw at my baby. someone is having a laugh here.

nai87_2

and to clarify, the 18 months they are not 'together' they spend every weekend etc out meals and having my sisters daughter with them. just because they want to. now he wants to continue that with my child along with that inhuman.

RAS

Hi

It is not reasonable for a parent to have a small baby overnight as of right - in fact grandparents have few is any rights - read wiggywoo's threads.

If you dad is drinking heavily, then it is certainly not right for him to have the baby at all, with or without the step-mother or her sister.

amersall

nai87 wrote: »

Morning all. I can understand where everyone is coming from. If I need help, I have a heck of a lot of people to help out with and dad isn't the only person I have in my life. I haven't relied on him for over 10 years not out of choice.

There has been many times where I was barely 16 17 18 at college with no funds that he has asked me to look after his dog while they go on month long holidays. I did say yes and stay there. A bit like living there... but they will have cleared out the fridge and kitchen of edible things before going. This is not a one off occurrence. ...

I don't see how I would need his help one day if I had to have fended for myself for a very long time

regarding family events, he has come on his own, i.e. my wedding/reception, birthdays etc so it is done that way and has been for 4 years. he has accepted that.

He is kicking off due to the fact he wants to have this baby overnight 50 miles away with that woman and HER SISTER living across the road from that woman. not a chance in hell.

Stick to your guns Girl never mind life's too short, you are not wrong in doing what you want and this is what matters.
That is my opinion for what it's worth.
I would not do anything to "keep the peace" regardless of who it was, your Dad made his choices, as so must you.

Glad you can choose your friends eh:D

Mojisola

nai87 wrote: »

i turned up to this club where dad was last year and turns out she was there with him. she glared at me, shouted at my dad to go take her home and made him tell me i ruined her night by showing my face.

It's obviously a much bigger issue than what she said when your relationship broke down. If she is going to behave like that, why would anyone expect you to welcome her into your house or let your baby to taken off to see her?

nai87 wrote: »

i don't see my dad that often, it always ends up feeling like I'm talking to a brick wall and thats not even about his ex wife. just his common sense and intelligence has seemed to have disappeared since he has started to drink more and more so he's not exactly going to be reliant. (this is the reason of the marriage breakup. the drinking problem)

If he is going to keep on drinking, things will only get worse. He hasn't been much of a Dad to you so he can't expect you to hand over your baby into his care - trust needs to be built up until his behaviour is consistent and reliable. For me, at most, I would invite him to see the baby in the family home and take things slowly.

nai87 wrote: »

Since cutting them out, my life has been somewhat very peaceful!!!!

This is very telling. Do you really want this to change?

What does your OH say about bringing this disruption into your lives? He's going to be affected by your family's behaviour just as much as you.

pollypenny

From what you've said about your dad, he would be the last person to look after a baby!

Nasty ex-stepmother and unreliable dad.

Errata

nai87 wrote: »

He is kicking off due to the fact he wants to have this baby overnight 50 miles away with that woman and HER SISTER living across the road from that woman. not a chance in hell.

The fact that he has a drink problem should tell you that what he wants is totally unrealistic.

whitewing

You don't need any reasons to keep your little baby with you overnight.