new baby on the way... family rift...WWYD?

nai87_2

Hi everyone,

Im expecting a little one due in december time and long story short, my father has been throwing strops in regards to his (ex) wife (stepmother).

long story short...

Over four years ago, i had a partner whom i was living with just about a year. Very serious and intense relationship as he blew hot and cold.
This same partner was seeing my stepmothers sister and later dumped me for her.

This nasty vile stepmother of mine basically said to me, "get over it. you are not blood. you are not family." :eek:

Needless to say, i fell out with her and her family that day, quit my temp job and lived with my mum for a year in Australia to piece myself together again.

Its not about him going with her, he did me a favour. But to have your stepmother turn around and say these kind of things.. that hurt me and still hurts me now. Since cutting them out, my life has been somewhat very peaceful!!!!

My husband and i view this as a serious matter because of my father, he has come round today saying that there is a chance to fix his marriage to her. i told him if things work out then i am happy for him. don't expect me to speak to her. that is my choice.

He has since then kicked off because this choice will extend to my child once born. if he wants to see my child, he will have to come on his own without her.

Am i being too hard?

mountainofdebt

sounds as if you haven't really forgiven your ex for dumping you for the stepmum's sister.

OK she shouldn't have said it but as you say, he did you a favour in the long term as you met a man who loved you and you loved enough to marry and now you're having a baby.

So why hold the grudge?

nai87_2

i am not having the stepmother have the privilege of pawing my baby when she hasn't apologised and still controls my dads mind and think I'm in the wrong for reacting to this situation.

thats my grudge. she's oh so perfect.

marywooyeah

no you're not being harsh at all - her actions and words must have cut like a knife, she sounds nasty and spiteful.

I think you're right to keep your distance from her (should your dad reconcile with her). If you and your husband do have a child you'll naturally want to protect him or her from any form of harm and that includes being around tense adult situations which will inevitably arise if you were to have direct contact with your ex-stepmother.

Well done of cutting her negativity out of your life, that takes strength xxx

mountainofdebt

Then why ask the question.

Simply tell him what you've said here....she apologises she gets to play step -gran,

nai87_2

Thank you, i just feel so emotional and tense right now. not what i need really while baking this little one.

all i want is a nice little quiet life away from silly people like her and for my dad to accept its how i feel.

Believe me, several people have tried to explain it to him that its perfectly reasonable of me to impose this rule but just a moment of doubt has brought me here.

nai87_2

mountain, she won't apologise. i turned up to this club where dad was last year and turns out she was there with him. she glared at me, shouted at my dad to go take her home and made him tell me i ruined her night by showing my face.

TBH.... my face is better than hers to look at lol :rotfl:

whitewing

Are you absolutely sure that you aren't trying to stop your dad getting back together with her?

Or that your expectations of new family life aren't too high?

It was a nasty comment but if she does apologise, it will not be good enough because you've forced her to.

It would have just been better to leave it and see how things pan out (without in any way pretending to your father that it didn't hurt you badly)

nai87_2

whitewing wrote: »

Are you absolutely sure that you aren't trying to stop your dad getting back together with her?

Or that your expectations of new family life aren't too high?

It was a nasty comment but if she does apologise, it will not be good enough because you've forced her to.

It would have just been better to leave it and see how things pan out (without in any way pretending to your father that it didn't hurt you badly)

your first question - I have told him, if he gets back with her it has nothing to do with me. i told him i fully support him either way whatever choice he feels is correct at the time. i just want him happy because right now he's in a rented flat waiting for her to click her fingers.


2nd question - What do you mean by this? new family life of mine? its going to plan without him trying to dictate what i can or can't do in regards to my feelings.

and thirdly... exactly.

Sorry i don't know how to use this quote thingy!!!

JIL

What goes around comes around. She is not blood she is not family. Those words will and have come back to haunt her. Even she should see the irony in that.
The ball is firmly in your court. I would carry on with your life and see how things pan out. Just concentrate on your partner and your pregnancy.

aggypanthus

She has no entitlement to see your baby, do what you feel , theres no reason you cant see your dad without her , whatever move he makes next with her.
Congrats btw x
Enjoy your family with just gramps!