Things you should not do...

PenguinOfDeath

GreyQueen wrote: »

Do not bleat pitifully at your workplace that a computer program has malfunctioned when all that's wrong is Butterfingers has acidentally tapped the Num Lock key and turned it off (me, yesterday).:o

That's been me several times over! And is also why I have now detached the number lock key from my work keyboard!

GreyQueen

Do not, as a green-as-grass newbie computer owner, ring your friend the Computer Wizard, almost in tears, because Windoze will not load and you've got a black screen with white writing on it instead and don't know what to do.

Wiz (knowing me better than I know myself) GQ, take the floppy disk out.

Umm. And I did and the 'puter stopped trying to find its operating system on the floppy and loaded properly. Never did it twice.:o

cat4772

Don't finish painting the living room, grab the carrier bag with two tins of satin wood paint and swing it off a tall boy to take to the garage. Plastic carrier bags aren't strong enough to carry tins of paint. The tightly sealed lids (they'd never been opened) burst open when the tins hit the floor and hearth, satin oil paint all over the carpet, the fireplace, the hearth, the fire surround, the wall and the tall boy.

Don't phone the insurance company and expect the bloke you phone not to laugh.
Don't expect the carpet cleaner they send out to clean the mess to keep a straight face, don't EVER admit to your husband that his coat was used to mop up some of the paint and put in a neighbour's wheelie bin (so he'd never find out).

Don't ever buy a cream wool carpet and expect it to remain cream for more than 24 hours.

Don't have an impromptu house part when parents are on holiday, let your bf knock your schnaps and lemonade into the (shockingly expensive) hifi CD unit. parents arrive home (to a brilliantly clean house), go to play some music and CDs come out wet and sticky.

Don't forget to remove bottles of fruit smoothie from the car - never leave one in the car whilst you go on holiday. Those bottles explode and the fermented fruit gets everywhere, including the windscreen. Car park attendant was in stitches watching us try to clean the car enough to drive home. Eventually had to call a rescue truck as the fruit had got into the ignition and shorted the car electrics. I'm never sure if this incident was the death-knell to that relationship.

Don't complain your BFs car alarm is going off (for the seventh time) during a storm for him to turn off car alarm and car gets stolen during early hours.

I'll keep the kitchen "don'ts" for another time.

Cat.x

Dozey_crow

Don't decide to impress your new in-laws by spending hours making a cake when you have never made one before. As, despite what you might think, cake mixture will not level itself out whilst in the oven. Hence the Victoria sponge will look like a UFO!

I cried and my lovely husband quickly made another cake and let me pass it off as my creation.

Don't decide that the fastest way to clean the kitchen is to clear the surfaces and liberally apply cillit bang by squirting it when stood in the middle of the kitchen. As it went in the plug sockets we couldn't use anything for 24 hours so we had to go out to eat!
Oh and lining the black currant cheesecake you made with tin foil is only a good idea if I) it doesn't stick to the bottom of the cheesecake like glue, and 2) the person serving realizes it's there to either remove it or warn diners. 1 happened 2 didn't and it was a lovely mother's day watching 12 people politely trying to spit out clumps of tin foil wrist enthusing about the cheesecake! Ha ha

gallygirl

cat4772 wrote: »

Don't finish painting the living room, grab the carrier bag with two tins of satin wood paint and swing it off a tall boy to take to the garage. Plastic carrier bags aren't strong enough to carry tins of paint. The tightly sealed lids (they'd never been opened) burst open when the tins hit the floor and hearth, satin oil paint all over the carpet, the fireplace, the hearth, the fire surround, the wall and the tall boy.

Don't phone the insurance company and expect the bloke you phone not to laugh.
Don't expect the carpet cleaner they send out to clean the mess to keep a straight face, don't EVER admit to your husband that his coat was used to mop up some of the paint and put in a neighbour's wheelie bin (so he'd never find out).

Don't ever buy a cream wool carpet and expect it to remain cream for more than 24 hours.

Don't have an impromptu house part when parents are on holiday, let your bf knock your schnaps and lemonade into the (shockingly expensive) hifi CD unit. parents arrive home (to a brilliantly clean house), go to play some music and CDs come out wet and sticky.

Don't forget to remove bottles of fruit smoothie from the car - never leave one in the car whilst you go on holiday. Those bottles explode and the fermented fruit gets everywhere, including the windscreen. Car park attendant was in stitches watching us try to clean the car enough to drive home. Eventually had to call a rescue truck as the fruit had got into the ignition and shorted the car electrics. I'm never sure if this incident was the death-knell to that relationship.

Don't complain your BFs car alarm is going off (for the seventh time) during a storm for him to turn off car alarm and car gets stolen during early hours.

I'll keep the kitchen "don'ts" for another time.

Cat.x

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:Can't wait for the kitchen exploits :T.

GreyQueen

Don't get frustrated with your dozy adult son being persistantly late for the agreed rendevous back at the carpark and drive off without him, intending he will have to take the bus the home and Be Taught A Lesson.

Only you didn't allow for him spending all his money in the shops and not having busfare, just enough to ring you from a payphone and tell you that. You decide a 15 mile hike on main roads is too much Lesson and go back and fetch him.

Funnily enough, his time-keeping improved dramatically afterwards.:)

Murphybear

Don't, when as a young and naive student (many years ago), wash your nice new brilliant white judo outfit in the same wash as your nice new non colourfast royal blue dressing gown. I never lived that down:D

A few years later who took some frozen sausages out of the freezer and left them on the worktop, unwrapped. Who would have thought the cat would eat half frozen sausages.

tealady

Loving these , haven't laughed so much for ages so had to add to the list
If you have to move a computer in an office switch it off first and then unplug the cable at the computer, not at the socket so you know which is the correct lead.
I know someone who crawled under a desk to unplug what they thought was "their " computer, yes it was someone elses, and they were half way through a long piece of work which was lost when the power went!

CathA

Don't forget to listen to your mother!!!

When the girls were small,I would never let them have the windows in the car open more than a fraction, as I warned them about insects flying in. I've had a few funny reactions to wasp stings so wouldn't take the risk.

Roll forward a few years, daughter number 2 (not the traumatised car-wash daughter mentioned in post no 262!) is driving down the M4, hot sunny day, windows wide open, radio blaring, life is good. A bee flew in the open window, smacked her really hard on her forehead and stunned itself. It then dropped like a stone into her ample cleavage and disappeared. (Well, she was wearing a strappy top!) She pulled over onto the hard shoulder, leapt out the car and frantically danced about trying to find it before it recovered it's senses and stung her. She had to take her top off as she couldn't find it and people on the motorway (probably just the men!) were beeping their horns at this fine display. When she got home and told me what happened, the first thing she said was "I was thinking about you not opening the windows when we were kids, and now I know why!!".
So remember, kiddies, listen to your mother, she really does know best!!

By the way, no bees were hurt during this event.

ruthber

Don't take £200 out the ATM without checking the balance first. I did today only to find out afterwards I got overdrawn. The irony is had I checked first I could have used a different account which had enough in.